First Love & Best Friends
Thirty Eight
Semester holidays arrive, right mid-January 2011. It turns out that dreams about Fabian still continue today. So it's been 5 years that I dreamed of Fabian, meaning Fabian came to my dream for 5 years. (Don't get me wrong first about the meaning of “Dreaming” this) because I understand with the intention of people must consider me more with what I experienced until now. Though I mean, Fabian came across a dream without me. Tonight, as I sleep as usual.
Suddenly........
Feeling like you are in High School. Me, Luna and Tyas as usual waiting for Gazela who is class 12 IA 1 out of his class. Turns out they told me to wait for Gazela in front of her class exactly. At first I refused their request, but because I was forced to finally surrender and step foot into the class 12 IA 1 which was above. But because it was so long ago, surely the saturation was hurting me. A few minutes later, I heard a lot of people from class 12 IA 1 who were going out of class. When I turned my head while waiting for Gazela out of class, I suddenly saw Fabian out of class first and approached me while saying”Sorry Yang, waiting for me later ya”. Hearing Fabian say so, I was shocked. “Yang? What did Fabian mean to say to me?” inner wonder. It sounded Fabian asking me to come home together while pulling my hand. I'm still dumb not understanding Fabian's intention to say that to me. While Pandu and Gazela also seemed surprised to know Fabian suddenly invited me home together. Even though Fabian finally invited me to take the bus home, I still did not understand Fabian's attitude towards me.
Waking up because I realized that the recent incident was a dream. I am still curious about the meaning of the dream. My chest immediately thumped when I realized that.
A few days after I had that dream. The next night I experienced the same thing.
Feeling that I was in High School again and as usual they told me to wait for Gazela to leave the class that was in class 12 IA 1. Waiting for their class to come out with a long duration, already used to me. Suddenly when class 12 IA 1 left the class, they looked scattered and I was astonished to see Fabian was fighting with his classmates. And also heard Fabian threaten his friend ”Wait for my revenge tomorrow”. Seeing that I tried to divorce both of them, but it turned out Fabian pulled my hand and said”Yuk Mi, rumah”. With a stifling expression, Fabian still held my hand. Without my consent, I ended up according to Fabian who was still carried away by those emotions while walking behind him.
Waking up again because of the incident must have been a dream that came unexpectedly. “It's been almost twice this time I dreamed him with his behavior that always makes me wonder more. What's wrong with me and Fabian, huh? Though this has also separated the campus, but Fabian still faithfully approached me in the dream my inner” began to churn erratically.
Since that incident, I have been thinking more about what I was experiencing through that dream. Lately, Fabian has not.
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One semester passed, now I enter semester 2 in March. After a one-and-a-half month semester break, finally left for college again with 2nd semester status.
On March 1, 2011. Today I'm going to start going to college as usual but it's noon. Going to college is a bit early, because waiting for the bus is my biggest test to campus. The route home to the campus is close by. But because of waiting for the old bus, feel the distance to the campus is very far.
When the campus arrived, there were still some who left. Because today is the first day of college, so the delivery of material is only limited to college contracts and combined with odd classes. The school ended at half-time in the afternoon. After that to get to the bus stop, I hugged my friend who was close to me since the 1st semester. Not much later the bus came to take me home.
When I got to the front of the house, I went down. Suddenly remembered something and turned to the front minimarket housing because they wanted to buy something there. After buying what I need, immediately exit the minimarket and set foot to go home. While crossing, I saw someone familiar to me.”Fabian...”. When I rebuked, it turned out Fabian also reprimanded me while stopping the bike.
At last........
“Fab!Mi...!” reprimand me and Fabian simultaneously.
“Where are you?” just ask me and Fabian together again.
Having just happened, I was very surprised. “Kok can kompak gini negur equally want where?” my mind is a little misbehaved.
“I want to go home Fab, eh anterin dong” my light while giving a joke to Fabian.
“Eh, but I'm going to the material store first Mi. Bentar ya” said Fabian full of smiles.
“OK Fab...” my nod that began to wait for Fabian.
Then Fabian's bike started and left me. While I wait for Fabian who is in the material store. Suddenly I accidentally saw my Papa passing through the material store and into the housing. Immediately I was filled with feelings of parno, panic, and began to think things through. Because of the panic and fear mixed in my heart rumbled into one. I expressed my intention to cut down Fabian, even though I actually felt doubtful and quite unwell with Fabian as well.
Immediately I approached Fabian who was still in the material store.
“Fabian” call me to Fabian.
Fabian, who was picking something at the material store, immediately stopped voting because I called him.
“Iya Mi, why?” ask Fabian.
Want to say that not being a nebeng feels very heavy, but I just say this to him while holding back feelings.”Hm.. Fab. I'm not just going to take you. It's okay, right?”
Fabian was surprised when I didn't cut him down, maybe Fabian thought later so I wanted to go home. Not so, afraid of being asked by my father. My heart still feels really bad for Fabian.
“Eh, really Mi, are you okay?” ask Fabian again.
The bad taste was getting rumbled on my chest, wanting it to feel like I was pulling my words earlier. But I directly said.”Yes, Fab, it's okay. I'm on foot”
The deg! The feeling of regret is getting worse and rumbling pain in the chest. But to cover it all, I reply.”Yes Fab, you also ya”
Hearing me say that, I saw Fabian think for a long time. Seeing that expression, I cursed amusedly and mempatin”You turned out to be still like before ya Fab..”.
Realizing I was saying that, Fabian immediately smiled as he nodded and replied.”Yes...”
After that incident, the sense of regret further tormented my mind. My footsteps gontai while stepping foot into the housing. I wanted to turn around and pull the words but it was ridiculous. It doesn't feel like it's possible. I soon forgot, even though the incident just kept dancing in my mind. I was sort of made aware of the incident. For some reason, memories after memories of Junior High and High School popped up again in my memory. “Sorry Fab, I'm actually just joking you doang, I don't want my feelings for you to get deeper. Yes, because I like you” I regretted feeling very sad and realized that my actions had been cowardly.
......................
Ever since that incident, regret in my heart has unceasingly rumbled across my chest. I was afraid for days, I did something I shouldn't have done for Fabian. Actually this rare moment is my chance.
Maybe because of my high prestige that causes all this to be regretful. And ever since that incident, I've never been reunited with Fabian. “Hahh, maybe this is my own act that ended like this. ” my inner unceasing regret of that sweet incident. This incident also made me realize that I really like Fabian.
I don't know why, everything won't disappear from my memory. All those sweet memories are always dancing in my mind. Given Fabian's attitude and mannerisms that were so good to me. It felt like it was getting all wrong when I wanted to forget about Fabian and not to mention that I dreamed about it more and more. Though my position is currently idolizing my own college friends. But Fabian's shadow was very strong in my mind.
Tonight, I seemed to fall asleep in my room because I felt exhausted after college.
One night, I was out of MiniMarket near Housing. Suddenly someone called me.”Mi..”
When I looked, Fabian called me. Immediately I approached Fabian by covering up my misbehavior tonight.
“Eh, Fabian..” grinned me by cursing a feeling of excitement.
Then Fabian pulled my hand and wanted to convey something to me. “I want to talk seriously with you” his door with a serious facial expression. I was dumbfounded when I found Fabian that way. Suddenly my heart stopped when I heard Fabian say that. “Deg!Apaan ya..” my question in the heart.
“By the way Fab?” manya curious.
“Fean who the hell?” asked Fabian with a suspicious expression.
I was so surprised. “Deg! Fean? How can Fabian know my college friend's name?” my mind is getting confused.
“Fean my college friend Fab, why the hell?” I then asked Fabian back.
“You have a crush on him huh?” asked Fabian with a dislike expression.
Again I was surprised by Fabian's question. “Why does Fabian know with this?” my question is in my heart.
“Eh? I'm just ngefans Fab. No more than that deh” replied me while straightening Fabian's question.
“You can not ngefans, especially until you have a crush” said Fabian suddenly.
“Fab, I just ngefans doang. No more than that. Why can't I?” askaku.
“I Jealous Mi, you ngefans him” bright Fabian said honestly.
Hearing Fabian say that he was jealous of my college friend, I was shocked. “Fabian jealous with me? So that means?” my mind while guessing the expression of Fabian who does not like me ngefans another guy. I haven't finished my talks with Fabian in front of that MiniMarket...............
Suddenly I woke up because I realized Isya had not prayed. “OMG! Dream that Fabian told me his feelings of being jealous? What is this sign?” my shock after realizing that the incident had just been a dream. “I can't understand what I'm going through. Why would Fabian know that I idolize my college friend?” my mind is still wondering.
I don't know since when, the feeling of admiring my college friends faded. Because if I idolize someone, it won't last long. As time went on, the feeling of admiring the figure of Fean was lost and replaced by the image of Fabian who constantly did not want to disappear and always turned sweet in my mind. “Why the hell, I can't seem to have a crush on anyone other than Fabian himself. And it's always this way when I accidentally admire other people my inner” keeps wondering.
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