First Love & Best Friends
Twenty One
The more I get here, the less I understand what Fabian's smile means. Still think about Fabian's behavior that changed drastically. While my friendship with Puji, I felt I found a saturation point with the attitude and nature of Praise that I now know the original. The nature of the handler, pretentious, stingy, and so forth that makes me feel sultry with his behavior. And the one thing I don't like the most is still having a crush on Fabian. Make jealous her.
Not out of thought, even though I have given the opportunity once again to change his attitude, but the more here Puji's behavior is annoying. Though my patience is already at the highest level to carry out his behavior.
One day, there was a history. At that time my grades were almost complete even though I did not participate in the remediation. I saw the value of Praise above me, the paper handed out by the teacher he opened wide to show off to me with fans next to me. It felt like he wanted to get close to her, because of his arrogant attitude, but yes I have to endure it first. One day he gets his payback.
The days as usual, I who want to go to class 11 IS 1 deliberately alone without praise. But Praise me for following me where I'm going. The feeling of resentment was heightened when Puji unceasingly followed me in class 11 IS 1. Finding that, Tyas muttered bitterly to me because Praise always came with me. I just explained to Tyas that Puji followed me to this class. Hearing my explanation, Tyas immediately clucked in annoyance.
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I was silent and contemplating something. Yup, brooding about my mistake with Fabian who had been so bad to think first. My mistake was that it was so bad to think Fabian had done it all to Puji. Even though Fabian himself did not know about my problem with Puji. Not to mention I told Puji pretending to be close to Fabian. But actually no, I do this with a bad feeling. Because when I got home, my tongue felt bitter while doing this stupidest thing.
On the other hand, I also still imagine Fabian's sweet smile. A sweet smile that is sincere and always present to me. How good Fabian is to me. Remembering all this, my heart is sad. I don't know what else to do. I feel bad for Fabian, for having been guilty of thinking and doing that stupid thing.
When I told my three friends about it, they suggested that I apologize to Fabian directly. Hearing the suggestion, I fell silent and was probably afraid that Fabian would get angry with me. Fabian will know that I like him. I didn't dare say anything to Fabian.
The month of Ramadan arrives, as in previous years. I went to school as usual, although the entry time started at 07.30 . For some reason, that sinful feeling grew in my heart when I met Fabian. Not to mention the smile from Fabian who was never absent from my sight. My feelings were getting raging more and more and more and more and more stifling when remembering the behavior of Praise.
For a long time I felt resentful and regretful because I knew Puji who incidentally was self-absorbed. The question period is well answered. But this Fasting Month I seem to hold my feelings in my heart, even though I have tried to be patient but still it feels like my emotions want to be poured out on Praise.
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A month of Ramadan. Not felt now has entered the beginning of October, where my school held a Halal bi Halal Event on October 9, 2008. This morning I was in a mess, because the bus I was waiting for didn't come for nearly half an hour. After getting a bus with a long time and feel the day is already noon. Finally leaving too and when the school arrived it had started Halal bi Halal event. Yup, being late is annoying for me.
As a result, the group is almost dispersed even though there are still some who still stay in the line. When I shook hands with 11th grade IA 1 friends, I saw Fabian was still in the line. My turn to shake hands with Fabian, he greeted me with a friendly smile as he extended his hand.
“Sorry Born Inner ya” Fabian said while greeting me.
“Iya Fab, Minal Aizin Wal Faizin Yes. You're a lot wrong with the same I used to” my reply while regretting it and giving a joke to Fabian.
I was surprised when Fabian said “Ya”.My feeling is that Fabian still remembers those events. “Fabian still remembers what I mean. Though I mean it was the days of the 8th grade Junior High first.When me and Fabian were one class with him. So Fabian still remembered dong that so” I felt my mind start to churn while flashback to the Middle School just when class with him.After greeting friends from class 11 IA 1, after greeting friends from class IA 1, now it's my turn to greet friends from class 11 IS to a row of underclassmen. Then greet the classmates who had not had time to shake hands, especially Puji. But something stuck in my heart as I shook hands with Puji, because I still felt bad once in a while considering the painful events of a few months ago and involving Fabian.
Maybe Praise does not feel guilty with Fabian, but I who have known Fabian for a long time feel there is still a sin that sticks in the heart when Praise lies to me and my heart seems to blame Fabian. Even though Fabian himself did not understand what I and Praise experienced during the 10th grade in the last 2nd semester.
A few days later, on Tuesday, October 14, 2008. Today one school is returned early, because the teachers will follow Halal bi Halal near the school. When they found out that they were leaving early today, Luna and Gazela asked to play for a moment a Mall near the school. Although the distance is far too. The four of us walked out the school gate. Coincidentally waiting for angkot is also not too long. We finally got on the boat. I sat across the angkot door. Because the angkot is waiting for other passengers, the angkot is still stand by in front of the school gate.
Waiting for passengers with a long duration, without realizing it I saw Fabian also out the gate by riding his motorbike. The motor stopped near the angkot I was riding. When Fabian saw me at the angkot, then a sweet smile he threw for me. I was surprised, even though I automatically returned a smile from him. But the smile still lingered clearly in my mind. Manisss. Fabian's hobby once made me misbehave because of his smile.
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Since then, I have been confused about my feelings. My heart seemed to be raging no more when I remembered that sin. My mind is dead and I don't know what to do.
I'm getting together more and more with my friends and I'm definitely looking for a solution to what I'm going through right now. Meanwhile, Puji followed me more and more when I visited class 11 IS 1. Making me and Tyas even more sultry with his presence, I felt lazy to be friends with Puji.
When I was at a dead end with thoughts that continued to be overshadowed by the sin of Fabian. I felt like I didn't know what else to do, suddenly Gazela instigated me to make Fabian “Pura-Puraku” and Gazela's girlfriend ready to help me. Hearing that Luna and Tyas told me not to do it, I kind of followed their advice. Because I know the risks are huge.
But, I don't know what caused me to end up being incited by Gazela's persuasion. I live it even though with a half-hearted feeling and my tongue feels bitter when lying to Puji. The feeling of sin looms over me. On the other hand, Gazela was also ready to ask Fabian for help. But in reality Fabian refused outright for that silly idea while saying”If it's beautiful I want”. Knowing that, my heart hurt more and more and it felt like wanting to apologize to him immediately. “Duh Fab, really sorry I did that. These are all crazy ideas from Gazela that have incited me” my regret with a sad feeling.
Lately right in the 11th grade of this High School, Stefani my best friend during Junior High called me often and at the end of the conversation Stefani left greetings to friends including Fabian.
After the greetings from Stefani I told my friends including Fabian. I don't know what made the dream about Fabian appear again in my sleep, this incident always makes me a big question mark on myself. “Cause Stefani nitip greetings to Fabian continue?” I think I'm still asking this stuff continuously.
