First Love & Best Friends
Thirty Four
Inexhaustibly contemplating all the events after events that I have been through until now, one of them with Fabian's behavior towards me. I feel like another Fabian from the other guys. For a long time I did not understand his attitude, even though I knew Fabian's intention to do it all well but without Fabian realizing it made me misbehave because of it.
On the other hand, when I saw the closeness of Wawan with Lisa somehow made me sick. Like I was feeling a Jealous. “Which time, I have a crush on my own best friend?” my mind feels bad. Because I think Wawan is my best friend. Sometimes the dilemma arises when I reflect on everything I feel now.
“Yes Allah, why do I feel like this? Choose one of them” my prayer tonight after Isya's prayer. Because my heart is really in the midst of worry. For the umpteenth time Fabian was the one God chose to be present in my dreams again. It's been four years that Fabian has been in my dreams.
“Already, if Fabian is God's choice to be present in my dreams. I couldn't do much more” resigned me in my heart when I realized Fabian's dream was present again in my sleep. Although actually in my mind still has a million questions about dreams.
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A few weeks later, all of our 12th grade High School students were preoccupied with compaction to face the Government Try Out which will be held in another week. It feels really busy, really busy schedule, and really focused on the material that will be tested later.
Mid-January, Try Out Government stage 1 is held for a week. The next week compaction questions again by way of additional hours morning and additional afternoon. A week after that, right at the beginning of February we were all preoccupied again with Try Out from school. After Try Out school, start regular lessons while compaction questions again during the extra hours of the morning and evening. The next week, Try Out Government stage 2 on February 15, 2010. As I was going up the stairs, it turned out to cross paths with Fabian and Pandu. Faintly heard Fabian say”Fortunately classmates on do not know that today is my birthday”. I was shocked when I heard Fabian say that, I immediately realized that it was Fabian's birthday. “Oh yes, today is Fabian”'s birthday I said in my heart while holding amused this afternoon and continuing footsteps until class.
But just did Try Out on the third day on February 17, the afternoon my mother got word from Bekasi that Mbah Pibah I only died. Yes, Mbahku who was in Kendal died. It is sad to hear from Bekasi. “Hiks, Mbah My daughter will not be able to see me as a student” sad me while shedding tears this afternoon. All I'm telling you about is this sad news, except Fabian because I don't have his cell phone number. After I gave their news, Wawan also immediately forty once. Wawan said he would be treated, but I replied that I was on my way to Kendal. Because the body of my daughter Mbah is on the move from Bekasi to Kendal. This afternoon I was really in a dilemma, between coming to Kendal and on the other hand My Try Out– was not finished either. Finally I let my Try Out die for serving Kendal. Remembering 3 years ago when I was in 9th grade Junior High, My daughter from Papa who lives in Jepara died. It felt really sad when I realized now I no longer have a grandmother.
The next day, I followed Try Out again until Friday’at aka the last day. It turns out that when I yesterday did not follow Try Out Geography because I served my Daughter Mbah, I could not follow Try Out after and automatically Try Out my second stage died.
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After the implementation of the second phase of the Government Try Out, the usual lessons start again followed by additional hours in the afternoon for National Exam material later. This afternoon, I who just finished lunch in class will wash my hands in the bathroom. yup. since there is an additional hour in the afternoon, since there is an additional hour, I started to often bring provisions for lunch in class. I walked through Fabian's class, because the nearest access was through Fabian's class which was in class 12 IA 1. While passing through the front of class 12 IA 1, I met Okta and the Clouds were chatting. Unconsciously my glance saw Fabian from the transparent window of his class sitting at the table and while chatting with his friend. But it turned out that Fabian also saw me and continued to look at me, I felt Fabian look without avert his gaze quickly my footsteps accelerated to get to the bathroom to wash my hands immediately. Because I avoid feeling wrong.
When I got back from the bathroom, I went there again. And right across the front of Fabian's class again. Fabian looked at me again in the same position as before. I who wanted to look back at Fabian did not dare, because my heart was already wrong. “Ih, Fabian what the hell, make me more wrong behavior just seen as my inner” starts to go wrong while stepping my feet towards class, my mind is still filled with question marks about Fabian's attitude earlier. “What Fabian means look at me as much” me in my heart with the feeling is still wrong behavior. Arriving in class, I was still rattled by the recent incident.
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The day before the National Examination started, I was really worried. Yup, right today I feel worried and dilemma. Because considering I haven't had time to apologize to Fabian about the matter Praise Class 10 High School time.
This Sunday, during my free time I asked Wawan for an opinion via SMS. I wrote him a message soon.
Wan, confide dong.
Is there time?
My short message this morning to Wawan
Shortly afterwards, Wawan replied to my short message.
Just fucking damn it
What do you want to confide in?
Soon I typed in another message for Wawan. A message with the contents of my heart that had stuck until now.
Shortly after, Wawan replied.
Yeah, just apologize
Soon enough, I will want the National Exam
I think there must be something stuck later if I have not apologized
Yes Wan, yes I am sorry for Fabian.
Thanks Wan
After I replied to Wawan, Wawan did not reply to my message again. But now my heart was relieved, and I started planning to apologize to Fabian later.
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A month later, all of us in Class 12 High School began to be preoccupied again with the National Exam materials that will be held on March 22, 2010. The special materials that will be tested will begin to be compacted again.
The seconds leading up to the National Examination, on March 19, 2010. Where today held a joint prayer before the National Examination, as well as asking for blessing to the teachers, and shaking hands with the departing friends. Feeling haru approached all of us while shaking hands with classmates, especially classmates because of the possibility after high school graduates did not meet them - they again included Fabian, Luna, Tyas, Gazela, and Wawan.
I don't forget to shake hands with Luna, Tyas and Gazela. Wawan and other friends. When I, Luna, and Tyas were about to shake hands in the teacher's room, because they saw the 12th grade IA 1 children giving a surprise to their homeroom teacher who happened to have a birthday. When I saw Pandu, I shook hands with him too. And when my eyes fell on Fabian, I wanted to apologize because I still felt that the sin with him had been so bad first. When he was going to apologize to Fabian who was standing near the stairs, doubts began to struggle. But at the request of my own heart, I finally decided to approach Fabian who was standing alone.
“Fab, we will register SMA together. His graduate life is not. Sorry I yes if all this time there was a mistake that was intentionally or accidentally the same you” said I who began to extend my hand to apologize to Fabian.
Fabian looked turned his head and was a little surprised by my presence. “Eh, yes Mi. Sorry for me too yes, we both” Fabian replied with a smile while shaking my hand as well.
Hearing Fabian say so, my heart was greatly relieved. It seems Fabian has forgotten about the incident. But I'm just apologizing now, it's better than not apologizing at all.
“Oya Fab, Yusa is your ex?” tanyaku.
Fabian's expression was very surprised when I asked about it. “Ha? Yusa behind my house is Mi means?”
I kept quiet, because I didn't know exactly where Fabian and Yusa were. “Hhee, ngg..iya maybe Fab” replied me a little surprised and full of doubt because confused himself want to answer how.
“Nggak Mi, no..” look Fabian fast.
“That's really Fab?” ask me again, because I feel kepo.
“Truly Mi, Yusa is not my ex” looks Fabian again.
My expression was immediately relieved when Fabian said that. Then I just go to Fabian. Suddenly wanted to ask Fabian something more.
“Oya Fab, college later where to go?” change the theme of the conversation.
“Hmm, I want to be outside the city of college in Jakarta or not in Yogyakarta Mi” Fabian bright full of smiles.
I took turns to be surprised when I heard Fabian who had plans to continue college out of town, without realizing I was free to respond”Lho Fab, in Semarang only dong”
Fabian smiled as I subconsciously raised my objections about Fabian going out of town in college. Leisurely Fabian replied.”Find a different atmosphere aja Mi, already bored also in Semarang continues. Time from childhood until now in Semarang keep”
Hearing Fabian's explanation about the reason for his plan to go to college out of town, I couldn't do much. “True as well, what Fabian said. But how does it feel heavy in the seconds leaving class 12 SMA. It feels like losing my inner Fabian” is sad.
“Oh, so yes. Yes deh” reply me who still save my sad feelings this afternoon.
After that conversation, Fabian and I fell silent and then didn't continue the conversation. I was very surprised because I had accidentally let go of talking to Fabian who objected not to go out of town later when he was in college, but on the other hand I'm glad to remember I talked to him for a long time. On the other hand, I was also embarrassed because I had unconsciously let go of talking to him. “Oh yes, where tomorrow meet Fabian again in Junior High to ask for blessings to the teachers there” panic I feel wrong behavior.
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