The Way to Find You

Don't want to understand

The dinner finally continued the road. I want a friend to spend time with, just come along. Aunty's motorbike I left in the daycare motor. after previously I sent a message for aunt to ask permission to go with aji and report a new number of course.

I don't know where I was taken today. Sometimes it is also thought that I am too easy to follow people, even though I also do not know too well the people who now piggyback on me. But I'm pretty sure the person I'm with is a good person.

Aji's motor speed splits the heat during the day. Down the road to a place with a pretty amazing view. Beautiful natural scenery. The lake is wide with blue water. Around the neatly arranged various types of flowers are so beautiful. The benches are under the shade of the tree. There are several couples there, there is a romantic atmosphere.

" How about Wid, like ?" asked Aji who was now beside me who was staring at the lake, after he had parked the motor.

I nodded with a smile on my lips.

I closed my eyes, enjoying the rustling tones of the wind-blown leaves. My hair that was broken followed the wind. This peace has slipped into my soul. Suddenly the warm grip of Aji's hand made me open my eyes.

My eyes fell on Aji's hand that was holding mine.

" I'm sorry" I said, pulling my hand out of his hand.

" why ?" there was disappointment in his eyes. I try to smile, I don't want him to expect much more if I let him keep playing with his feelings.

" not good at seeing people" the real reason is not unreasonable.just look at the benches they are not just hand in hand but jiggling friendly even some warm embrace.

" is there no chance for me ?" aji's question began to lead .look her eyes fixed in my bead.

" for now I just want us to stand here as friends "

" i was hoping for more when we also haven't known for a long time, but am I wrong with my feelings ?" sounds bitter. Not that I don't want to understand his feelings, but other than me who can't open my heart, I can't put a sense on him. Okay said he is good, handsome may also be well established for the size of life in the village. But if the heart does not choose, what is power.

" There's nothing wrong, it's just that for now I still want to be alone". Trying to give understanding so as not to be too painful.

" there may be others here" I paused while pointing at my own chest.

" but not for me to hope for its existence, but I hope to forget it.

" can I wait until your heart can accept ?" ask Aji. I'm sure he understands what I mean.

I shook my head slowly, my eyes turned to the water that looked rippling in the wind.

" never wait, because it's exhausting, live your destiny. Enjoy every second of your life, tomorrow or the day after you meet more than you expect."

" what's so deep in that wound you got ?"

" very, 4 years I wait to be confirmed it turns out I was the one who was excluded". bitter taste this if you have to remember the range of flavors that were thrown away.

" and for now I just want to make a little peace with my heart. I don't want to promise you anything I just want a friend, a friend who wants to share a little smile for me".I see his face there's a smile there.

" if so forget the dramas now we mingle " . said Aji with a cheerful tone. Relieved, though I knew he was disappointed but at least he understood what I meant.

"up that yuk "take aji while pointing at the boat on the lake.

" maybe, as fun as it may be"

Let this day pass with our laughter. And I put my despair in the corner of this heart. I hope there is a better tomorrow, I just want to be happy.