The Way to Find You

luka

four and a half years in vain, I gave my whole heart, and all I got was this pain, like a foolish woman who expects happiness, and mortgages the future. I finally boiled all this with tears.

Adrian, the man who had been filling my heart. became the back of my heart and soul, and to him I expected a beautiful ending.but in fact what I got was a wound. he chose another woman to be his companion and left me without me knowing what was my fault.

I don't feel better than the woman of her choice, but at least, can she appreciate what we've been through together. Too many memories we've been through and it's not easy for me to erase them. is it that easy I disappear from his heart ?. really now I am like a kite that flies without direction and until this far I go. still the shadow about you can not be erased. this pain remained embedded, the thorns that pierced my heart and heart.

that day was imagined again, a week ago when you met me. with your bowed face you said goodbye.it was like lightning that struck me without any cloud let alone rain. but my tears flowed with a million tastes that tore my feelings apart.I left him when he tried to explain why.I don't need a reason, because a million reasons won't change. you're not here anymore, next to me.

and what makes me even more devastated is, when I heard about your wedding.a week in just a week, that's when you replaced me. Or all this time I have been duading ?. I lost direction and purpose. you destroyed me as a ruin, you drowned me deep in the thick mud.

can I go back on with my life like I used to?. I don't know, I myself can't persuade my heart to toughen up. I'm fragile and probably almost collapsed. This desperation is what brought me here. in this village of my birth I wish for peace, though the shadow haunts me. At least I'm not there, watching you with another woman.

my tiredness on the road last night can not lead me to sleep. because these tears continue to flow.today you tie a promise with another woman.without caring for me here who wept bitterly because of your wounds. my head began to feel dizzy, maybe too long I cried, because without me realizing it was noon.sound sounds of uncle and aunt outside had returned from the garden.

I tried to hold myself back, so that these tears would stop flowing.I took a deep breath, I exhaled slowly.I got out of bed, looked at myself in the mirror.I erased the rest of these tears, I erased the rest of these tears,but still puffy and red eyes I can not hide.I went to take a towel in my clothes bag.I should take a shower, from morning I have not washed my body.

"it's bi" I replied lying, because actually from earlier I couldn't close my eyes.

water washed my body, just a little bring coolness.I should be able to hold back my tears from spilling. I don't want my aunt to know my condition.and hopefully my mom hasn't told my aunt the reason for being here. although actually I am weak but I do not want people around me to worry.I have enough to make my best friend confused.actually I also want to rise from this slump.

I finished my bath and dressed up to the aunt who was watching the news.

'your mama called, asking you to what yet"

"continue mama said what else?'. I investigated.

"it's just news" he said, I'm relieved that mom didn't tell me why I was here. Or maybe the aunt wouldn't tell me. I don't know, I just wanted to hide here. trying to put my broken heart into pieces.