The Way to Find You

The Former

I got a message from this number. Stiffness is always felt when I try to read the contents of the message. For a few days Adrian kept sending me messages, several times he tried to contact me but I never picked up. And always an explanation he wrote. A reason that makes me careless.

Is there still truth to a reason he said ?. Should I sympathize with what he says is coercion?. get married for being forced to leave me with a wound and he keeps trying to explain. As if reluctant to let me go but there have been other women he edited.

With all his selfishness he still says love to me. It makes me sick, and I with my selfishness no longer want to hear every reason and explanation he gives. Letting go on like this is how my wounds will continue to hurt. I decided to change the number today.

Using aunt's motorbike I went to the nearest counter. About 15 minutes I arrived at my destination. Quietly, no other visitors.

" excuse me mbak ' ' my broom on a girl who looks very young. "what do you want to find ?" ask her with a friendly smile.

" Mbak's star card"

" oh, over here mbak" he replied, stepping into the storefront containing the prime card neatly arranged there.

a number I choose, no need for a beautiful number. Enough numbers to keep me away from my ex.

" Register all mbak "my door.

"Have a ?"

" oh yes, for a while" I took out a phone. looking for the message that Lian had sent. because I had asked her to send KK number.

Finished with the affairs of regitration I asked the mbak-mbak to all fill the quota. And goodbye old number, even though I have to give this new number to my friends, because it's been a while since I've been using the number I just changed. But instead of being bullied by my ex and making it hard to move on, change numbers. I just want to live without his shadow again.

"Hay Wid" suddenly someone patted my shoulder while greeting me who was sitting on the motorbike. It was Aji who was there.

" uh mas aji, bikin was shocked" chirped me who was greeted with a thin smile.

" this is out of cards, but what is it yourself ?"

" want to eat.all by yourself, where's your guy ?" he asked while looking around me. I cringed confused.

" boy?, who ?"

" that's it, who met me yesterday ?"

" ooh Haris?, he won me"

" not your guy ?" inquiringly

" no. why ?"

There was a smile on his lips and a murmur I could still hear "the bararti still had a chance"

That's the word I didn't respond to. Just pretend I didn't hear and fuck with him. I don't want to involve my heart anymore. Maybe now is the time for me to enjoy the solitude of learning to love myself.satisfying all selfishness without having to think about the feelings of a partner.

" mm, here we eat yuk. there is a delicious soto youho" he said, pointing to a food stall.

" may be too"

I followed Aji's steps into the diner.Two bowls of chicken soto and two glasses of orange ice we ordered. Sitting next to Aji while waiting for orders. From the end of my eyes I occasionally found Aji's eyes staring at me. Not that I don't understand that look. But for now let me be selfish. I clearly knew there must be more hope in every eye. But I don't want to respond. Let me for a moment with this selfishness. I just want that friend alone without having to involve a sense of more. It's said evil let it be, once in a while I want to not care.

Until our order came, we were more silent. I only ask about his work occasionally. And other small bases. But the look in those eyes really bothered me. Aji really don't know you, I don't want to involve the heart in this relationship. I just want friends, that's all. If only I had not spoken in my heart. But it's impossible to speak out either. It's going to be very painful.