Paper Dove

I FELL IN LOVE

I called Nandes that afternoon, I wanted to meet him to say something. But I decided to talk over the phone. 

" Nandes. i.", I began the conversation but could not continue. 

Nandes patiently waited for me to speak. " I don't know what's going on with me. I am not strict with my own feelings. I'm meeting Juan tonight.  Do you want to wait for me? If I go away for a while to finish my past? I know I'm very selfish. I realized part of me was still shackled by the past. I want to end it. Do you want to wait for me?", I really hope.

Nandes spoke in a soothing tone to my heart “ Yes I will wait for you Dew. Make sure you feel good and come back to me as soon as you can. I'll wait for you”.

I cried when I hung up the phone. Crying over my selfishness that hurt Nandes. 

I met Juan the other night. The secretary picked me up, I insisted on getting in my own car but was not allowed. Juan was waiting for me at one of the expensive restaurants, I breathed a sigh of relief from wearing clothes that I thought were still appropriate to the surrounding environment. I was escorted to one of the VIP rooms by a waiter.

“ Thank you”, I said as the waiter opened the door for me. 

“ Thank you again Nyam”, said the waiter. “ Sir are you going to order now?”, the waiter asked Juan.

“ Bring me your best wine”, Juan said kindly. 

I looked at Juan without blinking, until now I still can't believe he came back and sat in front of me. I watched him, his every move still looked like it used to be, just when he was talking to the waiter his aura was a little different. I admit it, a little longing is still tucked inside my heart. 

Juan smiled at me “ Hi beautiful, you are still beautiful as you used to”, praise Juan.

I smiled as I looked to see if there was still a beat I felt like I used to. And I didn't find it. “ Sister how are you?”, how can I be polite.

“ Me . . Like this. Still like this Dew. I wanted to apologize to you, I left you at that moment. I'm sorry”, Juan said softly.

I just shut up. I was fully aware that my feelings were gone, I felt no pain in my heart as he spoke. I didn't find what I was looking for, if I still had feelings for her I would have cried in her arms. But right now I'm thinking about Nandes, I'm thinking about his feelings because I came here. 

The waiter came to bring the wine and poured it in the glass and left us both. 

“I miss you Dew, miss you so much”, Juan looks at me meaningfully. “ can we go back to how we used to be? will you come back with me?”, Juan conveyed his purpose without further ado. 

I'm shocked. This sudden request convinced me to return to Nandes. “ Brother.. I..”.

“If you're not sure we can start from the beginning. I promise I won't repeat my old mistake”, Juan clasped my hands together.

“ Brother I'm glad brother is back. I'm happy because brother is fine”, I said slowly. Juan smiled at me, holding my hand.

“ When you left me first my heart hurt a lot. I feel stupid for liking you so much, you know how much I like you. I cried for days because of your departure”, I said softly remembering the memories I had forgotten but had to dig back.

Juan's facial wrinkle turned sad “ forgive me”.

Juan's expression could not be confirmed, it seemed like he was disappointed and there was a hint of anger held back by him. 

“ I'm sorry kak”, I then stood up and was about to leave the room when Juan spoke in a cold tone.

“ Do you like Nandes?”.

I stopped my steps, I took a slow breath “ I not only fell in love with him but I fell in love”. After that I passed away leaving Juan with our memories.

***

I got out of the Lobby in a hurry, got a cab and went to Nandes' house. I am relieved to know my own heart at this moment, I am relieved to have forgotten Juan. I am ready to fill my heart with new love. Welcoming Nandes who has always been with me, I must apologize to him for doubting my heart. 

When I arrived at the door of Nandes' apartment I took a deep breath, tidied my clothes and cleared my throat. I'll express my feelings tonight. I pressed the bell, twice. Nandes isn't home. 

Not long after Nandes opened the door, he looked handsome in his casual home shirt. I smiled, I was crazy about him. I was stupid for not being aware of my feelings all along. 

“ Hi, you came?”, Nandes looks happy to see me.

“ Yes, I am back for my feelings for you”, I replied shyly.

Nandes smiled shyly as well as me “ why did you hit the bell? though you know my code”, Nandes is curious.

“ I.. just want you to open the door for me”, I replied awkwardly.

Nandes nodded slowly. I then spoke seriously while looking at his eyes “ I met Juan and told him that my feelings were not the same as they used to be. That I fell in love with you and I will forget all my memories with Juan”.

Nandes listened to me in silence. “ I like you, I always think of you, it seems.I. Even before our first kiss”, I felt like I was confessing to Nandes. “ And I'm sorry for hurting your heart yesterday. I shouldn't have any doubt on my own feelings”.

Nandes's face looks met, he seems happy to be mixed with shame to hear my confession. “ I also like you with all my heart. I'm almost crazy because you”, admit Nandes.

I'm downcast embarrassed. “ Are you going to let me stand outside the door until tomorrow morning”, I asked.

Nandes looked at me with a meaningful gaze “ If you enter I will not let you out easily and I cannot guarantee whether I can hold myself back or not”, Nandes said so in a slow tone.

Without thinking twice I went through the door and let the apartment door close by itself. Nandes stood awkwardly just like me. When he kissed me that night, he was like a grown man who had no fear whatsoever.

“ I do not intend to get out of your apartment and you.. no need..hold back”, I said slowly and walked away leaving him to enter the living room. 

***