Paper Dove

Broken My Heart

It's nearing the end of class 3. At that time class 1, 2 will soon be released. I met Juan at school. Juan looked at me in silence, as it happened like there was a different feeling in my stomach and went up to my chest as he looked into Juan's eyes. I turned away from him and rushed into the classroom.

Elsa who was curious about what happened kept asking me about whether I broke up with Juan. I didn't give him an answer that made him feel satisfied. Until I got home from school I had to let Elsa go because Juan forced me to go home with her. 

Juan took me somewhere pretty quiet, he asked me “ have you seen him?”.

“ Ya”, I reply briefly.

Juan fell silent, clenched his fingers and said softly "I am a Dew killer. I killed a girl with a dream of becoming a famous designer, I killed a girl who liked night stars. I killed the daughter of a parent who had high hopes for her".

" I tried to get back to normal life but her face kept shadowing me, her face always smiling without saying anything. And I always woke up to see blood soaking her clothes. It seems like God wants to punish me".

" The day my face was bruised was the day I met Meggy's sister. He will never forgive me and I never hope to be forgiven. Because if they forgive me, that's where I'll be tormented even more in my guilt" Juan's voice sounded so soft.

I watched Juan's face closely, there were no tears there but a tired and gloomy looking face was obvious.

I reached for Juan sitting on his bike and hugged him while patting his back, calming down. There was no consolation I could say for him. 

" Thank you Dew, for being with me 1 year" Juan said softly on my shoulder. 

" Juan, can't I be a backrest for you?", I grabbed her face and looked into her eyes.

Juan looked at me sadly and said "I'll bear this burden myself Dew. Let me suffer like this. You are a good girl who deserves to be happy. But I always liked you Dew, I fell in love with you" Juan said and he kissed me gently on the lips. 

My tears are melting. I know this is a good-bye word. A word I never wanted to hear from Juan. My heart was broken, there was a thorn that left a great wound in my heart. I hugged him tightly, knowing this was the last thing I could do. Breathe the fragrance of her perfume as deeply as possible. 

Juan kissed the top of my head affectionately, then let go of his embrace to me.

" I'm sorry Dew, I'm sorry for hurting your heart. I'm sorry", Juan whispered to me many times.

A car stopped near us. Nandes was behind the wheel, apparently Juan had called Nandes to pick me up.

" Nandes will take you home" said Juan, wiping away my tears. I refrained from crying. My heart is broken, I am heartbroken.

I clasped Juan's hand not wanting to part but not a single word could come out of my mouth. Juan took my hand off and led me into the car, putting a seatbelt on me.

***

Until the last day of the school breakup with the 3rd grader, I never saw Juan again. Only Adam kept quiet every time I asked about Juan.

In the end I gave up, gave up on my first love. 

One afternoon after I came home from school, Nandes came to me and for the first time I heard about Juan.

" Juan's gone, out of the country. He's not coming back, he's leaving this for you", Nandes handed me a medium-sized box.

When I opened it I immediately cried, Juan made so many colorful paper pigeons on top of it there was my hair tie that Jaun had taken at the beginning of school. 

As I pleased, Nandes grabbed me and hugged me. I cried in his arms. I cried my first love was gone. Crying my love clapping one hand. Crying over my stupidity that so easily falls in love. Crying my Juan leaving. 

After that Nandes always came to me. Even though Nandes didn't say anything, I knew he was trying hard to comfort me. During the holidays I was always with her to the point that Elsa protested because I wasn't with her. 

I lamented my broken heart all semester until I finally decided to forget Juan, forgetting my first love. Burying everything deep.

But one thing I do know, after that I can't accept love again that easily in all my high school and college days. I built a high wall that no one could jump over. I closed my heart without realizing it.

***

The 26-year-old

Pic Instagram by: @like_zina

NB: O my kind reader, the end of the Dew school season. I'll make season 2 with the current version already working. A little sharing: when making the farewell scene Juan and Dew I personally had to be horrified by the sad song many times. May this effort of mine touch your hearts while reading Juan and Dewun's farewell scene.

Please like, your favorites and comments for my novel. Your comments are a constructive thing for me. Thank you for faithfully reading. Season 2 is coming soon. Greetings Aji ♡♡♡♡♡