Paper Dove

Bickering

Tomorrow I meet Juan in the schoolyard. Juan smiled at me. I remember what happened last night being awkward. My cheeks were hot, I returned Juan's smile stiffly. 

I saw Elsa behind Juan, and I quickly walked up to Elsa. Leaving Juan confused by my attitude. But my heart is pounding not because. I was afraid that if I got too close, Juan could hear my heart beating. 

I avoided Juan for the whole day. He seems to be upset with my attitude. Until the time Juan came home from school to come to me in a class that had begun to be quiet. I couldn't escape, he took me to an empty ise room. Juan leaned me against the wall blocking the exit with his hand. Slightly bowed towards me to have our faces aligned. 

" So what's the matter?", Juan asked me curiously.  

" What's the matter?", I tried to turn my gaze elsewhere. Juan's face was too close to mine.

" Did I make a mistake? This whole day you kept avoiding me"Juan pulled out his tits. 

" ha? Oh yeah? Emm. I'm sorry", I'm confused to explain. 

" What's the matter?", Juan examined my face. 

I silently looked into his eyes. Juan was waiting for an explanation from me. Finally I confessed to Juan, with my head down and my eyes closed I said quickly. 

" I'm ashamed, every time I meet you my heart beats. because ... because last night ... you. 

Juan thought for a moment, then like understanding the problem Juan smiled holding back a laugh. " Yes I can hear your heart thump right now", Juan teased me instead. 

I looked at Juan with a red face. Juan smiled, seemingly anxious with my response. Juan was getting sicker, he whispered in my ear.

" I'm holding back from kissing your lips. I'll do it next time".

My heart was pounding, my face and ears were hot. I pushed Juan and walked quickly out the door leaving Juan laughing with pleasure. 

" Well since when did he pervert so. Gosh", I quickly walked into the classroom and hurriedly packed my things. Ignoring Elsa who was looking at me in wonder. 

" Your face is red. You why? Sick?", Elsa researched my face. 

" Yuk's coming home. Before I had a high fever here", I dragged Elsa in a hurry. Hope not to meet Juan. 

***

But it turns out that first love wasn't always as beautiful as I expected. The tempest is coming  ! 

I had a fight with Juan, and I saw how many bruises were on his face. I met him at the library. 

" What's sister's face?", I reflexively reached out my hand to hold her face. 

Juan dodged, not as usual "It's okay" Juan said. After that he smiled and left me standing in front of the bookshelf. 

I'm guessing, is it possible that Juan got into a fight? With who? Nandes?.

When Juan came home from school he sent me a message.  Apologizing couldn't see me or drive me home because I was busy. I'm trying to understand, knowing they're going to be exams soon.

But that day after Juan apologized for not being able to see me, I saw him somewhere on the side of the road. With Adam and some friends. I was in my car with Elsa after coming home from the supermarket. 

" Uh that's Adam. There's Juan too. Samperin bentar yuk Dew" said Elsa to me who was sitting behind the wheel. I was shocked because Juan said he wasn't feeling well when I asked him to come home.

Juan looked like everyone else. The expression on his face was flat, the look on his eyes was glaring, there was an eternity in the look in his eyes and Juan smoked. Things I've never seen before. 

I pulled the car near them. Elsa opened the car window. 

" Nai... What are you doing here? Hi brother Juan", Elsa reprimands. 

" Eh .. where are you from?", Adam was shocked that we were suddenly near them. 

" Supermarkets. Accompany the Dew" said Elsa. 

I looked towards Juan, through the look in my eyes I wanted to ask for his answer but Juan turned his face away. Like not caring. 

Nyut .. There was pain in my chest because Juan ignored me like that. Elsa quickly realizes the situation is immediately saying goodbye to Adam. And we left that place. 

I sat down at my desk when I got home. Looking at the paper pigeons I hung near the window of the room. Something is wrong with Juan. I want to hear an explanation from Juan

I took my phone and called Juan. But Juan didn't pick up my phone. The pain in my chest increased, I wasn't ready for this Juan. 

I remember the bruise on Juan's face. I'll make sure of it myself. I took my car keys and determined to get to Juan's house. It started getting dark at about 5 p.m. 

Aunty asked curiously for never seeing me out of the house that afternoon.

" Where are you going?", asked the aunt. 

" Want to meet bi's friend. I'll be home soon", I said hurriedly wearing my thick jacket. 

I drove my car to Juan's. Just when he got there Juan just got off his bike. He was quite surprised to see me coming. I got out of the car and approached him. He seemed unprepared for my presence. 

I looked at Juan clumsily but I was determined. 

" Hey ", my broom.

I put both my hands in my jacket pocket "I'm here because 3 days you dodge me, don't pick up my phone and you smoke" I'm straight to the point.

Juan let out a long sigh, giving no explanation.  " I'm sorry. Let me take you home".

I looked at it with annoyance "that's not my answer. Why are you so? Did I make a mistake?", I urged him. 

" Dew I don't want to argue with you. I'll take you home this evening" Juan stretched out his hand. 

" I can go home by myself. When will you avoid me? And brother quarreled with whom until the bruise?". 

" Dew for today only. Can you not interfere in my affairs?", Juan raised his voice.

I was shocked by the statement, the pain in my chest widened "What? I'm just asking. Why is my brother avoiding me? My sister gave no answer. Brother avoided meeting me, not wanting to pick up my phone but brother did not give an explanation", I was angry. 

" I just don't want to be disturbed" Juan replied coldly. 

I sighed "So I'm a nuisance to big brother?", I was disappointed. 

" That's not what I mean", Juan was kind of sorry for saying something he shouldn't.

" Is this because of Meggy?", I guessed without thinking about what I said. Juan fell silent and indirectly answered my question.

" Who's Meggy? Is she so important in my sister's life?", I can't suppress my curiosity.

Juan came towards me "I'll drive you home" Juan said as he took my hand. 

" I just want to hear my brother's answer", I dodged when Juan tried to reach me. 

Juan breathed "Growun. Please".

I took a short breath, holding back my anger. I'm angry with Juan right now, either because he ignored me or because I'm jealous. I turned around and left him walking towards the car.

Juan called me "Dew. Hey listen to me ".

I ignored him out of anger, annoyance, disappointment into one.  Juan quickly approached me, he grabbed my hand but I brushed it off and opened the car door. With a little rough Juan pulled me to face him, my back slightly hit the door of the car that was immediately closed back. 

Juan looked at me, I tried hard to hold back the tears. This is what it feels like to be angry because we are ignored by the people we like.

Juan took a deep breath "I drive you home, where are the keys to the car" Juan said. 

I refused to see Juan. Because I held back my cry, my voice trembled a little "No, I want to go home alone. Brother just do what you want to do, I'll pretend not to know", I pushed him and got straight into the car.

Leaving Juan who only saw my car pass.

***

 I'm still angry with Juan. And Juan didn't call me at all. I'm getting sad. It feels like something is tearing my heart apart. I finally made a decision that led me to a painful reality. 

I called Nandes, on the second ring Nandes picked up my phone. 

" Hello. molas. Tumben called. What is this?", cheerful Nandes. 

" Hello brother. Brother where now? I want to meet you", I said without hesitation.

Nandes laughed happily "You miss me? I'm at my workshop in Hombel¹. You don't come here. There are a lot of land crocodiles here except me. We meet somewhere else" said Nandes. 

" We met at Wunut² House. I'm waiting there about 4 and a half hours".

" Okay", Nandes undertakes without further ado. 

I hung up. Then look out the window. I was determined to find out the secret. 

***

Hombel: Name of Residential complex

Wunut House: The traditional house symbol of the history of civilization of the Manggarai region.