Paper Dove

Honesty: My feelings for you Juan

Juan was more silent at mealtime until he drove me home. It seemed like he was very upset, his ever calm manner could not cover up his frustration this afternoon. 

I got off the bike and took off my helmet and handed it to Juan. " Thank you for antherin me" I said slowly.

" Yes" Juan held one of my hands. " The matter was. ", Juan fell silent, took a slow breath.

I'm waiting for what he'll say. 

" …. No matter how much I try I hope you won't like it ", Juan continued to express his heart.

I smiled "Sister, I just consider Brother Nandes a friend. and again I just like brother".

Juan smiled "Yes, but Nandes did not. He thinks you're more and I know Nandes very well. If he had intended, then he would have worked out his intention earnestly", Juan showed his concern. 

I listened to Juan's words. Then I approached Juan and held the tip of his jacket "Sister, no matter how much effort he would make, I would still like my brother. So. big brother don't worry", I said calmly while looking at his face.

Juan looked at me and the next second he pulled me in his arms. Surprised by the action, I pinched his back.

" awww." Juan broke his arms in pain. " Why am I pinching" she protested. 

" I'll be picked up by the neighbors. The lifetime of the hugging uniform ", I nagged with a whisper. 

Juan nodded and whispered back "So if you wear free clothes can hug?".

I glared at him and hit his helmet slowly "Can't. If I hug first I can". 

Juan laughed "What kind of justice is this?", Juan pretended to be disappointed. 

I chuckled, "you're late for the lessons".

" Yeah.this is the helmet you keep. If you go anywhere just take it" said Juan handed me the helmet I used to wear. 

" Is this really for me? Like expensive".

Juan smiled "Yes yes, I called you the other night. We'll work with PR together" Juan promised. 

" Okay..Daaa.. be careful yes".

Juan put on his helmet and left me alone in front of the fence. Tiring afternoon, what should I do to Nandes when this is the case. I don't want them to fight regardless because of me or because of their personal problems. 

I'm determined to make it clear to Nandes that I'm only friends with him, and I will if I meet him later. I don't want Juan to misunderstand me and think I'm opening up an opportunity for Nandes. 

I lay myself on the couch, thinking about it until I fell asleep. 

***

Semester holidays are coming. It felt like a fresh breeze was always blowing through my bedroom window. No need to wake up early, not always have a shower. Ah pleased. And what makes me most happy is my plan to travel with Juan to Labuan Bajo.  It was only a day, he said, but I was looking forward to it. 

After the incident that day Nandes came to visit my house more often. Sometimes just dropping off chocolates or saying hello. And I've told Nandes many times that I just want to be friends.

Once Nandes came home and I refused to meet him. Because of his determination as strong as steel, he waited for me for 1 hour in front of the fence of my house.

Until I finally relented and came out to see him. Because of that I became convinced that Nandes would not be easy to 'exorcise' with just a word of rejection.

Juan knew what Nandes was doing but I couldn't read his expression when he saw Nandes coming to see me in front of his eyes.

Juan and I were sitting on my porch when Nandes came and called my name, when he should have seen me and Juan sitting there. 

" Dew.. hi. good afternoon", Nandes greeted me while still sitting on his bike. 

I, quite surprised by his courage before Juan, was unable to return his greeting. Juan stood looking towards Nandes, Juan's expression unpredictable but a terrifying aura emanated from him.

" Oh again there are guests. Yes, I will come again, Molas. Bye Dewun", Nandes turned on his bike again and left after waving to me, as usual ignoring Juan. 

At that moment Juan sat down and just issued a sentence "Some day I will break his jawbone".

***

One night Nandes called me and asked me about my plans for Thursday afternoon.

" Thursday I'm going to play house", Nandes said by phone. 

" Can't .. can't", I said quickly.

 I laughed "No..  Juan is not like that. She's a real good one. I have a plan", I replied. 

" What plan? ", nandes was curious

" Emm.. tomorrow I take Juan to Labuan Bajo", I speak with passion. 

There was no response from Nandes, I thought our phone line was cut off. 

" Hello.. Nandes.hey.. Hello", I called Nandes. 

" Oh hi. yeah, tomorrow I'll pick you up", Nandes responded to my story. Then Nandes disconnected the phone. 

I'm confused, did Nandes talk to anyone else earlier. Never mind, maybe he's busy. I put the phone on the bed and opened the closet looking for clothes that are suitable for traveling tomorrow. 

***

And tomorrow will be what I have always feared. 

At 9am, too excited I was getting ready in front of the mirror. I was busy choosing which bag to bring. My room was like a broken ship, I was too excited to go with Juan. 

The sound of a car engine in front of the house. Juan came quickly. 

" Not a 10 o'clock deal" I walked out of the room.  

Aunty came up to me "No friend came. Not Juan's son".

I was confused "who is it?", I walked out of the house and saw Nandes in front of the fence. Quite surprised I approached him.

Aunt saw me from the door and left us after confirming that the one who came was my friend. 

When I saw Nandes I greeted him while opening the gate of my house "Hey, what's the matter early in the morning here?", I asked him.

" Hey too. Let's go" said Nandes. 

I raised next to the eyebrow "Can't. I want to go with Juan", I replied. 

Nandes grabbed my hand and pulled me closer to the car. I, surprised by the action, tried to let go of my hand. 

" I can't Nandes, don't do this" I let go of my hand. But Nandes' grip was strong enough to make my hand hurt. 

" Come on up, just this time. Please", Nandes pulled me. 

" No, I promised Juan" I was stubborn. 

Unexpectedly the impatient Nandes directly carried me by force. I thrashed to smack his chest. He put me in the passenger seat next to the wheel.

" You're crazy, you baboon. I'll report you to the police. You ugly goat …. ", i berate him while banging on Nandes' arm trying to put a seatbelt on me. 

Nandes was silent, he then closed the door and automatically locked the car door from the outside. I'm panicking. Panic and fear of what Nandes is doing this time.

I saw Nandes quickly get into the steering wheel without giving me a chance to escape. And Nandes drove off without saying much to me who started crying in the passenger seat, not carrying a purse, phone, not even wearing sandals.

I cried silently thinking about how evil Nandes was this time and how helpless I was to fight back. Thinking of Juan who might be currently confused because I did not keep my promise. Will Juan still believe me later.

After a long and long journey, Nandes stopped his car on a deserted roadside. I don't know where we are, but all I know is that there are tall trees on the left and right of the road and the forest is green enough to make the air cool.

I quickly opened my seatbelt and got out of the car, walking in the direction we came. My feet hurt from directly stepping on the rocks on the asphalt. Nandes quickly came out and followed me from behind, pulling me to a stop. I turned around and directly slapped him quite hard.

Plaaak.and silence instantly enveloped us.

Nandes looked at me and grabbed my hand "I was wrong. Sorry me. You can hit me but please get in the Dew car. The weather is cold and your feet will hurt, you do not wear footwear. Come, please. Dew", Nandes said softly to me. He knows I'm afraid of him.

" I promise I won't touch you. But please get in the car. You're shaking from the cold" Nandes tried to grab me.

I dodged but I realized that my teeth were grinding with anger and cold. I nibbled my lips in anger and slightly said softly "Be careful if you touch me", threatening me.

" Yes, I promise", Nandes raised his hand promised.

***