Paper Dove

Different Juan Sides

I fell asleep on my way back to Ruteng. Nandes brought a car with him to the music of the 90s, which was slow. I don't know when I started sleeping. I woke up because Nandes woke me up.

" Dew, let's get up", Nandes called me slow. 

I opened my eyes slowly, it felt like my eyes were on the glue because it was so hard to open. I looked around not really getting out of my sleep.

I found Nandes smiling while looking at me. " Had arrived huh?", I looked towards my watch. Half 7 o'clock at night. 

" hasn't. But someone picked you up", Nandes pointed out the car window.

I saw Juan standing outside the car with a flat, cold face. A little surprised to see Juan there.

" Loh, where are we? Juan is here?", I'm in a daze. 

" It's already in town. I got out first. See how furious he was", Nandes looked at Juan without the slightest fear and even Nandes' words sounded like a joke to himself.

I looked at Juan in silence, it felt like I was being caught for lying.

At first glance I saw it happen very quickly. After Nandes got out of the car I saw Juan grab Nandes' jacket collar and hit him right in the face.

I screamed in shock, quickly opening my seatbelt trying to open the car door but Nandes accidentally locked me from the outside. I shouted from inside the car telling Juan to stop, but of course they didn't hear. 

Juan hit Nandes' face once again, causing Nandes to fall on the hard asphalt. Nandes stood up and hit Juan in the stomach and face. I was confused what I should do. I was crying in the car, wanting to break the glass and get out of the car. 

I tried to open the door by pressing the central lock button next to the driver's seat. A slow click made me instantly open the door and scatter out.

I saw Juan above Nandes with emotion. Juan hit Nandes in the face and grabbed his collar. I was terrified, in my eyes Juan was really like a different person. A horrible person. I can't remember how she sounded when I called out to her in love.

I pulled Juan's arm while crying "Juan already.Juan please stop ", I pulled Juan with all my might. In between my cries I heard Nandes yelling at Juan. 

" Enough Meggy Juan.don't Dew". 

I don't understand what Nandes' words mean. But all I know is that the words made Juan's hand freeze in the air and the grip on Nandes's arm loosen. Juan was stunned and Nandes looked at Juan with hatred mixed with deep sadness

I hurried to pull Juan with all my might, keeping Juan away from Nandes. I sobbed, hoping it would pass soon.

" I don't want to be like this" I said slowly to Juan sobbing. 

Juan was silent just staring at Nandes who was still lying on the asphalt covering his face with his right arm without intending to get up. After my mind cleared up, I thought was Nandes crying at the time? i guessed.

How many seconds will Juan be like. He grabbed me who was crying as he gripped his sleeve firmly, afraid Juan would hit Nandes again. 

" Don't be like this Nandes, I don't want to dirty my hands with your blood. Stop approaching the Dew or you die", Juan threatened in an expressionless cold voice. And I think I heard Nandes just laughing at the threat. 

Hearing that I got more scared and my tears were flowing more and more. I dare not look at Juan, much less see Nandes. Hearing me cry Juan led me to his bike.

Juan looked at me and wiped the tears that ran down my cheek with his bleeding finger. Without a sound Juan took me away from the place, leaving Nandes still lying on the asphalt. 

***

Along the way, who I knew was taken to where by Juan I cried in silence until it felt like my nose was blocked.

Juan carried his bike faster than usual, like pouring all his emotions into every pull of gas. I hugged Juan's back tightly and Juan's jacket was wet from my tears. The cold night air was not able to provide the coolness I had hoped for before.

Juan didn't take me to my own house but to his house.  I didn't try to ask because I was scared. I was still thinking of a different Juan, I was afraid that the moment I let out a sound would make the awkwardness worse.

Juan opened the gate of his house high enough and asked me to enter the house. 

" Come on" bring Juan.

I just kept quiet, I was scared. Afraid of Juan, my heart beats irregularly. Juan seemed to understand I was afraid of him. 

" Dew, let's go in. It was cold outside", Juan said more gently.

Hearing her soft voice, I hesitantly stepped through the fence of her house. The rest of the tears were still on my face. I didn't say a word. When I was in Juan's living room I just stood up, like strangers who just knew each other. Juan, who saw me like that, came up and sat me on the couch. 

He then disappeared into the house, then returned with a glass of water for me. He knelt down in front of me so that our faces aligned.

I was silent stiff, it felt like something stuck in the chest made it difficult for me to breathe in front of Juan. Is Juan gonna yell at me? Is Juan not gonna believe me? Does Juan hate me now? Or Juan feels I betrayed him? A lot of preconceived thoughts flashed in my head. But what Juan did the next second made my tears come out on their own. 

" I'm sorry Dew, next time I won't hit someone like that again. You must be scared? I'm not that bad a person", Juan held my hand. 

I cried, tears came out without being able to stop. Juan wiped my tears. " I'm sorry Dew, next time I won't" Juan said. 

With a sob I speak "you... no .. angry at me?i. .. fear.. you're the one. like.. that".

Juan rubbed my head dear "i'm sorry Dewun. Ii'm sorry. Don't cry anymore ".

I slowly stopped my crying. Juan poured warm water on me, so I could be calmer. 

" I know you were taken away by force. Sorry I'm late", Juan stroked my head. 

I just shut up, it's actually all my fault. I told Nandes all of our plans. If I had just kept quiet, maybe this wouldn't have happened. 

" Have you had dinner?", asked Juan to me. 

I nodded, feeling calmer. 

" Let's eat together. I'm alone here, we eat easy-to-cook ya ", Juan said as he stood up. 

" Where are your parents?", I asked spontaneously. 

" Work", replied Juan briefly as reluctant to answer.

I didn't ask any further "Can I borrow your bathroom Juan. I want to wash my face. If I go home like this, aunt will be confused".

" Can. You walk straight there, turn left. There's a bathroom there. Do you want to change clothes too ?I have a shirt if you want?", Juan offered politely. 

I'm nodding. Juan smiled then went back inside and came out with a black shirt for me. Enough greatness.

" Thank you", I said awkwardly. Juan smiled more stiffly. 

"Yes, I prepared water to cook noodles. I'll finish eating and you'll come home" said Juan.

I nodded in agreement. 

***