Paper Dove

I'll Run to Your Direction

I looked at Juan's clothes hanging in my room. I remember when Juan drove me home that night, he asked me to stay as far away from Nandes as possible.

Whatever Nandes did, Juan asked me to ignore him. 

The friendship that had just been established between me and Nandes made me upset. Nandes wasn't a bad friend but I didn't want to hurt Juan. I daydreamed until the sound of the phone startled me. I saw the phone screen and Nandes' name was on it. I lifted it without thinking.

“ Hello “, I replied.

“ Hi enu. How are you today? “, greet Nandes from across the phone. 

I shut up for a moment “aku well.you yourself how? is your wound severe?”, I'm worried. 

“ Lukaku pretty severe “.

I was silent for a moment feeling guilty “ as bad as what?”.

“ Very bad until my handsome face does not look”, Nandes spoke while laughing. 

I smiled hearing the joy in his voice. A little bit of relief in my heart and the guilt that is still left there. Nandes called me, thinking the phone line was cut off.

“ Hello Dew. Hey... You cry huh?”.

“ Hi, yes almost ”, my voice is slow. 

“Do not cry, this does not hurt. Fighting is common among men. If I can still call you and laugh, that means I'm fine. Sorry for making you worry”, Nandes' soft voice keeps me feeling down. 

I was sad to think about how I could avoid Nandes. So that Nandes is not close to me. I don't want anything like yesterday to happen again. 

With stammering I finally spoke “ Brother Nandes... sorryin I.. it seems that from now on we .. can not ..”, not finished I spoke Nandes cut.

“ Do you want to avoid me? you want me to get away from you? Juan told you. Do I need to hit Juan again. It seems like yesterday I gave up too much”, Nandes spoke in an angry tone trying to suppress it, like knowing the direction of my conversation. 

 “ Not like that. I don't want you guys to fuss again like yesterday ”, I'm getting frustrated because I feel Nandes can't understand me. 

“Wait.. I need to talk directly”, Then Nandes disconnects the phone.

“Halo... Brother Nandes.. “, I threw my phone on the bed upset that the phone connection was broken unilaterally. I closed my eyes trying to dampen the anger that I did not know where to channel it.

the next 15 minutes Nandes was standing at my door.

“ Brother stopped doing things like this”, I told Nandes as I met him in front of the house.

“ What? running to you like this? or do I like you?”, Nandes answered easily.

“ Both. I don't want you guys like yesterday. Every time you see me I feel like I'm suffocating, feeling anxious you're gonna fight. And again Why did you suddenly like me? why are you always chasing me? is it because I'm Juan's girlfriend and he's brother's enemy? do I have to be in the middle of your quarrel”, I'm angry. I'm so angry, I'm tired of them both. 

Nandes was silent, he just stood staring at me in anger in the shade of the afternoon clouds that brought a cool breeze.

After saying so Nandes still looked at me for a moment. I who was silent and fixated was digesting every word he said well without being able to refute a single word.

Since there was no response from me, Nandes grabbed my arms and helped me stand up straight. He ruffled my hair as usual and whispered softly next to my face. 

“ You must remember that me and Juan will always be like this with your presence or absence. But now that you are among us, the atmosphere will continue to heat up. So don't ever try to tell me to go Dew, because I will still come to you ”, after that he passed away leaving me dumb and reddened by his words just now. 

I stood silent at the door for quite a while, aware that Nandes would not stop and would not listen to me.  Aunty came and broke my daydream.

" No, let's go in the afternoon. Do not daydream at the door later kambet".  

I smiled to respond to aunt's words. 

Of course after that day Nandes always came to me, no matter how hard I pushed Nandes away he kept coming.

I felt a sense of determination from his words back then so I decided to let him wander around me. I'll just put a line between me and Nandes that I hope will one day tire him out.

One thing that made me a little relieved was that Nandes and Juan never met again. I don't know what will happen if they meet and I won't be able to face them. 

****

The holidays are coming to an end. Juan and I spend a lot of time together. Juan never brought up the problem that day, he often came to my house and we talked until late at night.

Sometimes we go to places I have never been before. He took me to see the beauty of Lake Ranamese and I was stunned to see the beauty and silence that brought tranquility. I love this place and I love Juan who brought me here.

Nandes, as usual, came to visit and called me without any concern for Juan. I didn't want to see him a few times. One way I pushed him away, but he remained persistent in his way. So I ignored it. 

One night Juan showed up in my yard with his tired face. I'm a little worried. 

" Sister is sick?", I asked while holding his forehead as he just opened the helmet. " It's not hot" I continued. 

Juan smiled "I'm not sick. I just lack sleep pretty. You don't worry. Very attention anyway", Juan stroked my head gently while sitting in his own motorcycle seat so I didn't have to look up to see him. 

I smiled with relief "So what are the nights here? Two more days we go to school, surely this semester big brother is very busy because you 3rd grade want UN. Geez, you have to learn a lot, yes, do not hang out with Adam", I chattering while tidying up Juan's messy hair strands for wearing a helmet. 

Juan suddenly leaned his head on my shoulder and took a deep breath. " Hearing you babble makes me tired. May I lean on this for a moment?", whispered Juan quietly on my shoulder. 

" Yes can. Lean on until your fatigue is gone" I told Juan.

Juan did not answer again. I patted his back slowly trying to give him a sense of calm. I didn't ask what made him feel tired. But I will make him feel calm and secure with me, until he trusts enough and tells me his unrest. Until then, I will wait. 

***

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