Deepest Wound

YES, I WANT TO

It was a bright morning but my heart was not as bright as the shining sun this morning. I walk my feet through the alley that leads to my school. Again I remember the time when I went down that road with Brother Ardi. I've been trying to get him away from me, but why am I even thinking about him.

The class exam is over, just waiting for the final result. I have been studying here for a year. I learned a lot of lessons but I still can't understand myself.

"I've noticed that you've been daydreaming a lot lately" said Fatiah, sitting next to me. "Not good often daydreaming, later admission."

"I'm thinking about the test results again" I replied.

"Kin...? Not because you think about your relationship with Ardi, right?"

Just hearing his name alone made my heart beat faster. I looked towards Fatiah who was next to me. "What did you say...? Me and Ardi are nothing."

"It's up to you to tell me what, obviously we're all here watching when you're angry with Ardi. The mouth speaks differently, but the heart cannot lie. The proof is that you often daydream and look unhappy after the incident. Not only you, even I noticed Ardi's sister is also more passive." After saying that Fatiah returned to her seat.

Do I really look unhappy?

Is this related to Ardi?

The sky looks dark, maybe soon it will rain. I stood waiting for Ardi in front of the alley to return his jacket which he had lent. Some time I saw Kak Ardi's motorbike and he stopped his motorbike near me.

"Sorry, I can give it back now, because -- "

"Yes, I understand" said Kak Ardi while receiving the jacket.

I wanted to talk to Ardi, but I didn't know what to say. Then I decided to continue my steps to go home and wait for the ojek because my subscription ojek can not pick up because it is idle. Before I actually left there I heard Brother Ardi calling me.

"Ofraa!"

Then I turned to look at Ardi who was standing near his bike.

"I'll drive you home? It will soon rain" he said, looking up at the sky and turning to look at me.

The same look, as before. The look I missed, and those brown eyes were so intoxicating. Ahh.., my faith is getting shaky.

"Nothing meant, I just wanted to help" said Ardi, because I had been quiet ever since.

I stepped closer to where Brother Ardi was standing. "Ehm, actually there's someone who wants me to talk to Brother," I said.

"Are we just talking here or looking somewhere else? Because it's gonna rain soon."

"A--I want to apologize for what I said the other day," I said quickly even though at the beginning I was nervous and could barely say it.

"I'm sorry, too, for making you uncomfortable. And I promise I won't make you sad and angry again, but please don't tell me to stop liking you."

Deg!

My heart was beating again erratically.

"Honestly, I felt very tormented when I saw you without being able to get close and talk. Even though you hate me, but I still love you, An."

Why is Ardi always like this, always expressing his feelings without hesitation. When did I say I hated Ardi?

"Come," asked Ardi to let me get on the bike immediately.

"A minute, I'll talk again" I said. Then Ardi turned to me.

"When did I say I hate?" I asked Brother Ardi. And Ardi just kept quiet and looked at me. Maybe still don't understand. "Surely I also like Brother." Then I threw away my face to avoid looking at Brother Ardi.

There was no plan at all and I don't even know where I got the courage to say that.

"Anita said what? Can I repeat it?" Ask Brother Ardi.

I didn't want to repeat it and even I regretted saying those words. The drizzle turned into a very heavy rain, then Kak Ardi invited me to immediately get on his motorbike and find a place to take temporary shelter. Again the same place became the choice of Brother Ardi to invite me to shelter. Because only that place is the closest and the mother of the owner of the stall was very good.

I was wagging my uniform that was wet from the rain. Then Ardi came up to me and said, "it seems like this jacket is really worth it to you," while putting on the jacket I just returned earlier.

I bowed very embarrassed because I was too close to Brother Ardi. "Thank you, brother," I said.

"If I may want to hear your words. Just wanted to make sure I didn't hear wrong" said Kak Ardi.

I looked the other way and tried to ignore Brother Ardi's request. "It can't be repeated" I said.

"Ok, so Anita..., do you want to be my girlfriend?" Ask Ardi to me.

Lucky the sound of rain that is quite heavy able to muffle the sound of Kak Ardi until not heard by the mother of the stall owner. Otherwise I will be very embarrassed again because Brother Ardi is always outspoken without caring about the surrounding.

I nodded to answer Brother Ardi's question however, I kept looking the other way because I was very embarrassed to meet his eyes.

"The correct answer is dong, An...."

Then Ardi moved to the place where I looked.

"So Brother, it looks at people," I said as I glanced at the shop's mother. But for free, Ardi's brother is always indifferent and impressed stupid. Then I just answer firmly the question of Ardi. "Yes, I want to."

"That's dong..," said Brother Ardi with a smile.

Uhh..the smile was..., hmm,,

I ventured to reply to Brother Ardi's gaze then I asked, "Sister Ardi why dare to say like and other feelings to me even though I just knew?"

Brother Ardi smiled. "I don't want anyone to get to you first, because I'm sure I'm not the one who likes you An" replied Ardi.

"Oh...." I don't know why I'm not satisfied with Ardi's answer.

"And just so you know, this is the first time I've expressed my feelings to a girl" said Ardi.

"I really don't believe it, because Brother seems to be very ordinary, already don't know ashamed anymore use the real feeling in front of many people." I reminded Brother Ardi who once expressed his feelings for me while in class.

"I told you, I don't want anyone to get you. Come on, I'll drive you home," Brother Ardi asked.