Black Room

Ayah

Sometimes, we deny what we have promised ourselves. Whether conscious or not. We have the potential to be hypocritical about ourselves.

****

It is true of the saying that the fruit falls not far from the tree. A child will inherit the nature of his parents. There will be similarities that will be the will for a child. Like my father who is very similar. My nose, eyes and forehead are very similar to my father's. But my skin inherited a delicate mother's skin.

A child will tend to follow what their parents have chosen. Children grow up with what their parents have taught them. For example religion and ethnicity that become will and down decreased. Like I believe in Islam for the faith of life. And minang as race and ethnicity

Even though I was born from a Sundanese woman's womb. I live and thrive in the custom of minang. Mother is also a minang who has a tribe as a group. Although the mother's ancestors were native Sundanese. But the mother has officially become a minang after going through the traditional named; mangaku induok. Mother chose the Malay tribe as her golongan. While the chaniago tribal father who is hereditary from his mother.

I have a very quiet and beautiful family. Before finally the stupidity of the father took away the harmony and happiness. Father changed since he was estranged from his own tribe and family. I no longer allow my mother to visit my father's hometown. I also don't know the whole story of the problem. But the father is always angry when the mother wants to know why he hates his own hometown. Since then, I have felt the change in my attitude.

"He was blinded by vengeance. Revenge makes his heart no longer holy until reluctant to pray. In fact, with prayer should he cleanse the heart of revenge" said the mother

I just sat watching my mother solemnly. I've been quieter since an hour ago. Mother told me about religions and customs that coexist in life. I don't fully understand what Mom's talking about. But I'm very interested in hearing it.

"Your father is too stubborn. Only for being betrayed by his own brother and customs. Your father also betrayed his own faith. I don't know what he's thinking until he forgets who God is in himself.

"Brothers and customs?" Askaqua.

"Mom couldn't tell me more either. But I only complain about your father's stupidity as a minang man who clings to his own beliefs" said the mother.

I just kept quiet. What my mother said is true. If other religions have a God to worship. Islam worships by worshipping its own conscience. The Muslim God lives in the faith of his own heart.

"Your father's Islam only has ID card status. Your father believed in Islam but did not practice Islam as a guide to life. What a shame for a Muslim who shirks his prayers"

I fell silent fixated. The words mothers stab into the heart. I am just like a father who neglects prayer as an obligation of Muslims. My Islam is only a mouth speech. My actions and beliefs do not reflect that of a Muslim.

"You know what a battery is, son? Later, you will assume greater responsibility. Your wife and children are your responsibility before God. And what will be the fate of your son and wife if you just can't account for yourself" said the mother again closed the story tonight

I was again suppressed by my own thoughts. My eyes were hard to shut even though it was early morning. I had a great debate with myself. But as usual the debate ended without a conclusion. I fell asleep with the question: When will I be ready to become a human being?

Bright sun shines on Monday morning in mid-December. The odd semester exam ended on Saturday. Students roam freely without activity. The members of Osis are busy organizing and arranging events for the final semester race. I sat in front of my class. All three of my best friends are busy working on their remedies in the office. I watched people play volleyball and basketball on the field. The final semester begins tomorrow.

I haven't smoked marijuana in a week. The password-giving marijuana is over. I plan to stop and reduce my habit of smoking marijuana. But a plan is just a plan when I still need marijuana in my heart. I feel like a hypocrite to myself. For a moment, I dissolved into a mind that had depended on marijuana.

Aldi comes with his sense of regret towards buk rahmi. Aldi chatted about economic remedies that were not accepted buk rahmi. I just laughed a little at aldi's annoyance. Aldi refocused on books and pens. Repeating all his remedies from the beginning. My blackberry reads BBM sign in.

Mutia Heriyenti's

"Dad your mother split up?"

It's been over a month that Mutia and I are dating. But Mutia just found out that my parents are divorced. Maybe mutia found out from the poem to the father I shared on twitter. The poem I assembled last night.

Mutia was not present at the school during this exam. The last time I met mutia was yesterday after the exam. But tomorrow morning mutia will be back at school. There were three more days to see mutia before the time to end mutia's status as a young teacher.

Mutia Heriyenti's

"I'm sorry I'm a lover. Why I never knew about it. I wouldn't even know if you didn't post that poem on Twitter"

I smiled and replied to mutia's message with a salera of humor. Twitter is home for me. Disappointed, disappointed, and bored. I always vent with words through twitter status. Mutia also used Twitter long before we knew each other. Mutia learned of my twitter from ScrenShoot tweet I once made BBM DP. And the courage of mutia sending the love letter came after seeing the status of galauku twitter.

Mutia Heriyenti's

"I'm really sorry I never knew this long. I think you still have complete parents. You too, why didn't you ever tell me?"

I smiled reading mutia's message. Mutia always demanded that I tell her all the problems. Mutia said my problem was her problem too. And vice versa.

The Alendra

"That's it. Don't talk about it anymore. You know it now anyway"

I'm not interested in discussing mother and father. My head now contains only ideas for smoking marijuana. But it ended in deadlock. I don't have enough money to buy a package of kale. In addition, I also do not have the network to know who the current marijuana dealer. I have to be patient until later tonight with RGM. And I'm sick of waiting for a long night.

"Kantin tek rida yuk dik" Ajak aldi.

I'm nodding. I hope the atmosphere of the canteen tek rida can change the uncertain state of heart. I walk the porch hearing aldi's chatter about buk rahmi. Aldi is still upset with the task of his remedy which must be repeated only because the writing is not neat. Aldi was annoyed because he had to repeat to record his remedy almost two sheets.

In the back. I was busy questioning how Dori was doing. He is still a human being in the dark. I never met him after a few months. Aldi looked at me with a fixed look. It was like he was guessing why I was silent so much today. I consciously looked at him.

"Parting OT teachers on Friday huh? Ask aldi.

"Joint with classmeeting gifts" I replied after nodding.

"Gua thought you were upset because you didn't meet mutia" said aldi smiling

"What do you mean?" I don't understand. My forehead lifted.

"No, the cave is just ngetes. Who knows you're upset because of buk mutia" said aldi chuckling.

God fucking. Aldi could even feel my anxiety. I copied the aldi drink into an empty glass. Should I be honest with aldi? Saying that I am not upset because of mutia. But because of marijuana.

"From that moment you glumly see the cave. What do you think?" Aldi.

I just kept quiet. I don't know what I'm going to tell aldi. The smoke coming out of my mouth is the answer that I just want to be alone.

"Lu last night back again?" Ask aldi.

I'm nodding.

"The cave wants to go home. Can you be nando?" Much

"Yes, go first. The cave with nando. Nando was also a remedi said earlier"

"What kind of cave art?"

"There will be no teacher who takes a hiatus today. Go home, don't think about it" said aldi

"Entarlah. Finish the cigarette first" I replied lazily

"Now ajalah" Invite aldi

Aldi and I walked out of the cafeteria. Aldi went back to school and continued his remedy. While I drove my motorcycle on the cross-sumatra road. Beside the Sumatran cross road not far from cafe ririn. Someone shouted my name from across the street. The sandro? He stood in front of his house. He waved his hand to tell me to meet him across the street.

Sandro is a friend of dori and ipan. He was also once a human in the dark. I knew him at dori's. Sandro is a tribal cousin with a dori. I haven't seen Sandro in a long time. I didn't even hear from him when he caught noval and bento.

That brown man smiled at me. His body higher than mine was lowered. "How are the guests?"

I laugh. Sandro called me with his habits when I was visiting dori's house. While I called the sandro as the young master in return for his honor. I shook hands and grabbed the sandro.

"I haven't seen you in a long time, young master" I said

"I'd rather be a home child now. Black can be scary too. And I don't want to turn that terror deadly. I better stop. Normal life also reconciles"

Sandro laughs. I laughed too. The incident that hit the noval yesterday managed to become a frightening disaster. Some friends who often gather at dori's house have stopped being human in the dark. Like sandro and bojek who have changed their course.

"It's better ndro. What is long-minded. If you don't dare to take risks" I said.

"I'd better be a loser" Sandro laughed.

"Don't talk like that. We're losers who still like to live in fear" I said

"You can't stop being left. You're the same as dori and ipan. You have no fear"

"How's that stupid bear doing now?" I asked sandro.

A motor stopped in front of me. The man smiled. I smiled back. I know him, but I don't know his name.

"He's a smart bear now. You see he's at his house. He thinks you've changed course too. He misses you" said Sandro and climbed on his friend's bike.

"You're in a hurry"

"I'll go fishing first. You meet dori at her house. He misses you" Sandro passed by with the sound of the motor away.