Black Room

Disappeared

I chose to go away and stay away.

So that I can take care of my wounds calmly.

****

The more days I get closer to buk mutia. Almost every night I talked to BBM and met every day at school. But my closeness to buk mutia is nothing more than a student and a teacher. Two weeks ago he commented on my status. Me and buk mutia almost every night chatting in bbm chat. Buk mutia is a fun conversation. We told him about a lot of things. I know a lot about buk mutia because she likes to tell stories. Buk mutia is a very open person. Even though I'm very familiar. I still dare not express my feelings. Even though I know that I really want buk mutia.

Through the BBM message, buk mutia asked if I liked her? Questions that make me laugh and feel silly. What's more, tonight's marijuana rolling makes everything feel perfect. Buk mutia asked what the answer was she already knew. Buk mutia already if I like her. Buk mutia found out from my friends and buk asmarni.

Is this a code?

I smiled back at the message from buk mutia.

"If you like it, then do not. Honestly, I'm afraid of mom. I don't know. I don't know where it came from. Dikan only knows there is happiness when meeting and hearing mom laugh" I replied

Beautiful smoke billowed from my mouth. The smoke is still a lot even though I have sucked deeply. My head clinks, feels light and airy. Cannabis anesthesia has begun to feel. Tranquilize. Nothing to think about. It really feels empty. No problem felt in the head. And so is my soul. I feel very calm. In my mind there is only happiness wherever I direct my mind. I knew it was just a hallucination. I keep thinking about it with happiness.

For me, marijuana rolling is enough to meet my dose. And this past month I've only been rolling marijuana in my room. Every day after the magrib prayer, I locked myself in my room. I'd rather enjoy it myself. Busy with routine in the room. Like doing a student's job before bed.

In the past, I smoked two rolls of marijuana in a day. At school, me and Bojek also smoked marijuana every hour of rest. However, bojek is no longer smoking marijuana because of trauma with the noval incident. I also never smoked marijuana at school. One roll is enough for my doping portion.

Blackberry. Green light flickering notification sign bbm in. I grabbed the blackberry that was lying on the floor.

"Like and love are different. Likes are not necessarily darling, if darling is definitely like" Reply buk mutia. I smiled thinly, though,

"Who also said the same 😁" Reply briefly.

"Hahahaha ibuk halu yes. Sorry, I thought I loved my mom. Hehehe ibuk can story" Reply buk mutia

I laughed back at buk mutia's message. It's code or I'm the only one getting carried away. But I'm more loyal to my principle of not wanting to wish more on buk mutia.

"What story?" Short reply.

Tonight buk mutia tells the story of her former lover named Ade. A month ago, a buk mutia also told me about her ex when I asked. Students of the UNP sports faculty who come from the pasisie area. That's all I know. But tonight's buk mutia a long story about her former lover.

Starting from the beginning of the introduction at a rice stall until finally broke up after dating three years. The message of buk mutia was so long it made me not want to read it. Buk mutia often feels hurt because they often feel cheated. Several times her ex-boyfriend cheated on her and continued to be forgiven. Countless more. Buk mutia felt tired and wanted to break up. But his ex did not want to accept and always chased after him. Six months have passed, his ex still contacted him even though he often did not respond. Buk mutia he felt like he was terrorized every day.

I swallowed spit. Marijuana that was delicious turned bitter when I swallowed. I sucked my twine longer. The thick smoke that I almost sucked out deeper. I was relieved with a calm feeling. I go back to sucking the twine that lives butts. I turned it off in the ashtray after a couple of suction times.

I decided to no longer read buk mutia's message. Buk mutia is still typing. I decided to open the message again. I put my phone on the sideboard and laid my body on the bed. Besides jealousy, I also did not want to dissolve in the euphoria of my expectations with the presence of buk mutia in my life. I don't want to get caught up in the impossible wishful thinking of having a buk mutia. I did not reply to buk mutia messages, nor did I update my status or change my dp bbm so that I did not look active.

All that I did was just to scorch the wounds in my heart. I didn't open the mutia buk message after two days. 'if it's done?' a message buk mutia I haven't read is seen coming in. I disappeared from buk mutia. Even at school I did not circulate much and rarely met buk mutia. I just saw it from my classroom window. When he walked on the field to teach in the eleventh grade. These last two days. I just sat at the local and spent hours resting kekantin tek rida. I purposely hid from buk mutia. I wonder if he's looking for my whereabouts. But these two days no new messages came in from buk mutia.

I suck my twisting that only has four or five more suction left. Who am I to give buk mutia until she searches and cares about my news. I laughed in my own room. Look at me who chose to disappear but also hoped to search.

I stood up and picked up the school bag on the sideboard. I took out PKN notebooks and printed books purchased from the school as references. Buk de creates a distinctive character of himself by giving a task. The task of PKN is to conclude and record material in printed books into PKN records. And I had to catch up with my new catch-up until chapter two of the six chapters were to be recorded.

I lay down on the bed. Busy in the books on the bed. The pen began to pull on the empty paper, chasing my distant lag. The busy work of PKN makes me forget about buk mutia. But never really forget. Before going to bed, I still often think of buk mutia. Sometimes, I banish my own thoughts. I feel like it's just an illusion.

I fell asleep tonight feeling calm. I understand that love cannot be forced. And I understand that sometimes a person chooses to go away and stay away so that he can take care of his wounds calmly. Or as the mother did; chose silence in order to be at peace with herself.