Black Room

A reciprocated feeling

Life feels good when we know that someone we love loves us too.

****

I feel like I'm doing a drama at school again. Just be nice and always try to hide your feelings as deeply as possible. In fact, I feel lonely in the crowd.

The days passed with a troubled feeling. Joking and laughter are nothing but falsities painted with theatrics. In fact, far from the base of the heart. My heart is muttering withholding a whimpering patience. Trying to hold the pain from the tightness of the chest that never subsides. I live my life like a hypocrite who is ashamed to show himself. An undisclosed view, a locked mouth, and a reviled mind maki with self-importance in harboring the feeling. However, I understand. Life is not about finding and pursuing love.

First Monday in early November. I walked from the classroom to attend the flag ceremony. The members of the osis arranged neatly the line. I went down the stairs feeling lazy. But I have to follow the ceremony. I don't want to get into trouble in my reputation that's already starting to improve.

The weather was very clear this morning. Dew is still thick and covers the green trees across the rice fields. I stood up by defeating my laziness. Class eleven ipa started the flag ceremony as the executor. Ijep as the leader of the line ordered a salute to the leader of the ceremony. I followed the ceremony with my head down. Laziness makes me sleepy.

"The raising of the red and white flag is punctuated by the national anthem" The sound of protocol echoed.

Eight junior men who served as flag borer walked to the middle of the field compactly and simultaneously. They formed a beautiful formation in front of the flagpole. All my life I've never been a ceremonial performer. I don't believe in being the executor of the ceremony.

The drumband compass gave his troops a cue with a hand gesture. Drumband music performs the national anthem with tones and melodies. I saluted with a lazy feeling. I respectfully looked at my juniors who played the drumband. The drumband music that echoed made my romance feather stand. Awakening the souls of my nation.

My pandang switched to teacher lineage. Buk mutia's. I watched him with a feeling of admiration. I've been away from buk mutia this week. Me and buk mutia never again reply messages on BBM. Our conversation stopped with a fear debate. One thing I don't understand about myself. Why am I still looking at buk mutia when I'm huffing at her. I can't lie to myself. Staring at buk mutia is the easiest way to get happiness.

"Struck grak"

The flag raiser locks the rope ties on the flagpole. The red and white saka fluttered excitedly at the end of the pole. I was still busy staring at the buk mutia who laughed a little at the fault of the flag braking. Buk diana laughed and looked at me. I stared at buk diana. Buk Diana whispered with buk mutia. Buk mutia looked at me standing up. I hid behind nando's big body.

I was embarrassed to see buk mutia. Buk mutia was right about me being a coward. I never dared to express my feelings to him. But somehow I really believe that buk mutia has no feelings for me. The attitude of buk mutia that seems to give opportunity to hope is just a mockery because I admire it. The proof alone mutia's book has not contacted me since a week ago. Ah, it's funny how I am. I who deliberately disappeared was hoping to be searched as well.

"The armour in the grakkk place"

The headmaster as a worship coach began his speech with a welcome word. Nando slightly moved his body to the right. I stared at the congo ahead. My view meets buk mutia. However, buk mutia immediately raised her gaze after seeing me. The corner of his eyes was like smiling back at what I was doing earlier. I held back a smile seeing what buk mutia had just done. I feel happy even though I know that it's just a bunch of fun.

The sun starts to shine on the head. I went back to hiding behind Nando's big body. I followed the ceremony with my head down. The morning sun is very hot. Shortly thereafter the ceremony was dissolved. I went back to the local and was absorbed in the lessons.

Six hours later. After school. I walked from the classroom to the office holding a piece of paper in my hand. I walk by repeating the daily repetition memorization of pkn that I will meditate this afternoon.

The school is starting to look empty. The school bell rang half an hour ago. There were only a portion of the students who were still to stay to complete their remediation. I memorized it in class when the bell went home.

Buk mutia was seen sitting in front of the office. I slowed my steps. I hesitated to pass in front of buk mutia. Buk mutia puffed at me. Buk mutia looked at me sharply from a distance. I decided to walk back after buk mutia saw me.

Buk mutia still looked at me without expression. I felt trembling as I stared back at buk mutia. His eyes are like a hole ready to sink me. I greeted buk mutia with a stiff tongue. Buk mutia replied with a smile.

"What's the cure?" Ask buk mutia when a few steps past her.

I'm turning. "Remedi UH pkn buk" Sahutku

"Ohhhh.Semangat ya remedinya" said buk mutia.

I smiled and walked with my heart back in flowers. Buk de told us to gather in the tenth grade two. I and dozens of other students who were also remedied in PKN lessons gathered in room ten and two. Some disciples banished the boredom of waiting by repeating the rote. I sat by the window with a look at the office. Staring from a distance, someone who was bowing in the impossibility of my own hope.

I saw buk mutia was busy with her gadget. Even when buk mutia was busy with her gadget, I was still fascinated by buk mutia. I don't know what my reason is that I'm so happy to look at him from a distance like this. I felt like I was crazy about what I was thinking. I let out a breath. Try to think normally.

Buk mutia put her gadget on the table. His hands were busy looking for something in the bag. Buk mutia stood up and entered the office. Soon, buk mutia came out with a piece of folio paper. Buk mutia took out a pen and ruler from inside her bag. I don't know what buk mutia is doing. I continued to watch buk mutia with a delusional mind.

A few minutes later buk de is seen walking from the office. Some students began to improve their sitting position. I also came down from the table and sat on the chair. Buk de said his greetings and sat down in the teacher's chair.

"Well, who is ready to go forward" said buk de.

Some people raised their hands up. I stood up and walked over to the buk de. Some junior was astonished. I ignored them by remaining silent. Those who do not listen, they wonder.

"Mom told me to go forward, not to show my hands" explained buk de

Some of the juniors were looking at me with a bent face. As if they were conscious of their stupidity. I read the remedy stammeringly. Long daily questions and answers make it a little difficult to remember memorization. But buk de made it easier by adding sentences so I could continue. On the fifth, buk de began to sign my paper.

I dropped out of tenth grade two after having a buk de hand. I walk with a cheerful feeling. Buk mutia is still sitting on the picket teacher's desk. Buk mutia stopped her activities after seeing me. I smiled shyly at buk mutia.

"Where's the cure, all right?" Ask buk mutia.

I smiled and showed the paper containing the signature of the buk de.

"Hmp, congratulations" Buk mutia smiled.

I smiled and walked through the office.

"Keep back" cried buk mutia

I looked and nodded. Buk mutia passed and disappeared inside the office. I walk in the parking lot with happiness. One by one my red values have been fixed. There was a sense of pride in my heart when I successfully completed the remedy. In the last few months I have enjoyed all the lessons. Classes that used to feel boring are now turning into fun activities. Maybe because I do it with my heart so I can enjoy it.

"Dikan" Call buk mutia

I looked back. Buk mutia was standing next to the lab. Buk mutia waved her arms to ask me to approach her. I walked over to buk mutia. His hand was holding a white envelope.

"To be dikan" said buk mutia by giving me the envelope.

"What is this" I asked the porch to receive a tightly locked envelope. Is this a love letter? Or maybe an invitation letter for the engagement of buk mutia? I was struck curious by the murmuring feeling.

"Read it. But later when I got home" Buk mutia smiled.

"Why not now?"

"Don't" Struggles buk mutia. "You can't break the rules of the game"

"Play rules?" I asked in wonder. What exactly is this letter.

Buk mutia breathed "Later you will know at home" said buk mutia.

I looked at buk mutia with a feeling of not understanding. Buk mutia smiled revealing dimples on both of her cheeks that were very deep. I felt my heart beating faster as buk mutia gave a seductive look.

"Jude, if so. Let's go home first, Buk" Pamitku with a slightly stiff tongue.

"Yes be careful" said buk mutia.

I walk and walk in the parking lot. Dideoan the old room I saw buk mutia was gone when I looked back. I walk around flipping through envelopes. I was very curious about the contents of the letter that buk mutia gave me. I finally opened the letter until it was parked

"For the cowardly man who controls my silence" I gulped down reading buk mutia's inscription. Below is the date of today. I opened the folded paper.

"For a cowardly man"

For a cowardly man who likes me, is there more heartwarming news than that? When your heart prefers to hold on rather than be honest and out of trouble.  Is that true, sir? Wounds are another beauty of love.

For the mysterious cowardly man, your coldness makes me wonder who you are? When I found out everyone looked at you badly, I fell into beauty after I found out how you live your life. Know, Sir? I love every wound you've told me about your twitter status.

For a cowardly man with a head, when is the time for you to yield to your ego and tell me the truth? I was born as a woman who should wait. But, this is torturous, sir? You choose to give up and are reluctant to try.

For the cowardly man who controls my silence, can you know how I feel without having to say it first? But I understand, Sir. None of this would have happened if I hadn't dared to start. So, I'll give you one question for a coward; WILL YOU BE MY GIRLFRIEND?

I exhaled. The flood felt in my eyelids. I felt overwhelmed to read the poem of buk mutia. I was silent for quite a while. This is not a dream, this is reality. Buk mutia shot me? The dream came true.

I ran into the school environment. Buk mutia was still sitting in front of the office. Buk mutia looked at me with a frown. I stood up to regulate my breath.

"Why not go home"

"I want to be.."

Buk mutia cussed my hand with her mouth. Buk mutia dragged me to the side of the lab. His eyes were wildly watching around. His hands are still closing my mouth.

"Why did you break the rules of the game" said buk mutia removing her ladder from my mouth. His face looks unfriendly.

"I can't help my curiosity. I've read it instead of me being killed by curiosity" said my friend.

"What if a teacher hears when you say you want to be your mom's boyfriend" said buk mutia with her upset face.

"Aren't all the teachers telling us we're dating" I said.

"Who said that?" Ask buk mutia "The bus can be reprimanded by the headmaster if he knows the mother is dating a student" continued buk mutia.

Buk mutia stood beside me with a gaze staring at the empty field. Both hands are stretched out over the chest. Buk mutia might be upset because I broke the rules of the game she had made. But what can I do if I've read the letter.

"The...." Call her bravely hold her responsibilities. "Don't think of anything that won't happen" I said.

Buk mutia took her hand out of my grasp. "But it will happen one day" said the mutia-book behind me "Teachers will look down on you for going out with their own students"

"I knew I was wrong to break the rules. I also knew I was wrong because I loved a teacher. I realized that mistake from the first moment I felt it. That's why I prefer to be a coward. Because someone out there can judge my mistakes. But now I don't care about that anymore. I know now that my love is not one-handed clapping. I will accept all of that. And believe me, I love you, buk" I said with trembling lips.

Buk mutia turned her body. Buk mutia looked at me very closely. I just fell silent with my weakened body. Buk mutia walked over and hugged me. I was stunned for a moment.

"Busy loves you too" he said in a hug.

I feel happy mixed in my heart. I returned the hug of buk mutia. My body feels warm in his arms.

"So I can already think of my mother as my girlfriend" I asked when buk mutia let go of her embrace.

Buk mutia looked at me with a smile. I could see happiness in his face. Buk mutia kissed my cheek and walked away from me. I was stunned to rub my cheek that was kissed by buk mutia.

"Be careful" said buk mutia and walked away from me.

I came home with a feeling of happiness overflowing in my heart. Love withered on the bottom of the breast now blooms and thrives. Life feels good when we know that someone we love loves us too.