Black Room

Break up

Love can also be a falsehood that damages self-esteem.

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Man is the most perfect creation of God. Living things are given the sense and feeling to live life. A life? How do we define life. And what do we think about life?

The world is too ambiguous for humans to understand. That is why religion was born as a guide to life. Religion is a belief. A strong belief that humans are created beings. The universe, life, spirit, everything on this earth is a gift from God. There are seven religions in history with different names of God and teachings. But all religions justify it; there will be a doomsday as a sign of the end of life in the world. Only infidels or Jews do not believe in the end of the world.

On Tuesday night, I came out of the bathroom after the shower. I went to Mom for dinner. This time mom cooks 'Salt tock' cloves'. Minang native cuisine. I also like jengkol. Especially mixed with oil and salt. I eat so well.

After eating, the mother told about the father who turned out to be married again. That's strange news, in fact the divorce papers have not come out. But I had the courage to tell my mother that she was going to marry again.

"Bapa kok has a very strong feeling. Not divorced yet, she asked for permission to marry. Damn it" I said annoyed.

"Your father's been with that woman for two years. Means she also betrayed mom for two years" explained mom. Eyes glazed.

"It's been two years. Emang ****** yes it's a person" I feel annoyed.

"Don't talk like that. He's your father anyway"

I swallowed bitter. I feel ashamed to have a father like my father. What was really in his head until he could leave his mother by marrying again.

"So, like losing direction. He seemed to have forgotten the purpose for which man was given life"

I agree with mother's words. Father is a stubborn man. Dad always fought back when mom reminded him to pray. You have neglected your responsibilities as the head of the family. As the pantun says "Fruit falls not far from the tree" So, do not blame the child if it does not pray, if the father does not pray. Parents are a reflection of the character of the child.

"Who's the woman, ma'am?" My toot.

"Lubuak tarok" answered the mother standing up to take a glass. "Mom didn't realize for two years that your father lied to you"

I feel haru. How painful it is to be betrayed. Especially with a love filled with sincerity. I feel sad to see Mom.

I was still stunned. My eyes glazed. Pain and pride filled my chest. The pain is born from the father who hurt the mother. And a sense of pride is created from mothers who choose to forgive the betrayal committed by the father. What is vengeful for? Just torturing yourself.

"Mom believe. Heaven and hell exist. We'll end up there. Life is just a matter of waiting for death to come. Strangely enough, we died to live again. But we have to believe. The afterlife is real, it is eternal life. This world is just a journey before death. And see how many people are lost. Like father. Like you"

"I'm going to change. Notnot now. But surely" I rebutted quickly "I won't be like a father" My words were full of hate.

Mom smiles at the porch collecting dirty dishes on the table. I helped her by covering the rice hood.

"You don't want to be like your father, so pray from now on. So that you will be old not like your father" said the porch mother walked carrying dirty dishes to the kitchen.

"Later to pray" I said walking into the room.

"Mother's astonished" said the mother after returning to the dinner shirt.

I stopped in front of the door. I looked forward to my mother's next words. What mom surprised me.

"How can you date such a sholeha Annisa"

I'm hissing. Mother always praised Annisa's kindness. Annisa is a smart and diligent child to pray. And mother was beguiled by all her views on nisa. I walked into the room without answering my questions.

Inside room. I burned the foyer cigarette remembering that blurry Sunday night story. To be honest, that night felt sad with the new feeling I felt. But I hate all that beauty and pleasure. I don't know why, I feel so bad about myself.

I am not a perfect human being. I also understand that the life I live does not escape from sins. But that doesn't mean I don't have a good side in me. Far from the heart. I also want to go home with a safe self.

Having sex during courtship is something I usually hear from around me. Sometimes, many women can doubt their purity. Modern civilization would be an exchange of self-esteem with the falsity of love. I began to believe that love made man blind. Like annisa who is known as a good woman and a righteous woman. But finally lulled in the pleasures of love that is actually false.

I swallowed spit. All that bitterness is painful. I was also overwhelmed by love. What I was afraid of has now become reality. My blackberry's being chipped off from the top of the bopet. Annisa called. How fortuitous. I want to break up.