Black Room

Hypocrisies

Life is not about finding love and pursuing ambition.

****

I feel like I'm doing a drama at school again. Being near the crowd but feeling lonely, always being mediocre and hiding feelings as deeply as possible.

The days I spent feeling down, joking and laughing were just fakes I painted with plays. In fact, my heart murmured withholding a whimpering patience, along with the undifferentiated tightness of the chest.

I live my life like a hypocrite who is ashamed to show himself. An undisclosed view, a locked mouth, and a reviled mind of a cowardly self. Life is not about finding love and pursuing ambition.

Monday morning in november. I walked out of my class to attend the ceremony on the field. The cold morning leaves me very lazy to walk. But I have to follow the ceremony. I don't want to get in trouble. After all, my reputation is improving among teachers. I stepped foot beating my laziness.

The ceremony has already started. Ijep as the leader of the line ordered a salute to the dreamer of the ceremony. I went down the stairs swiftly and quickly, running after making it through the stairs. I came in and I ran into the line. The elderly aulia shifted backwards as I turned her back. In front of me, Nando realized my arrival. He laughed in wonder at me who was behind him, in the ceremonial row. I didn't want to take part in the ceremony this morning. I said that I wouldn't have a ceremony when nando asked me to get out of the cafeteria. But my mind changed after drinking tea and a cigarette. Coupled with the advice of tek rida who told me to ceremony. Every piece of advice has a point. I was kicked out of his canteen this morning.

"The raising of the red and white flag is punctuated by the national anthem" The sound of protocol echoed. My junior novia prepared with a movement of her hand. Novia is an intrusture in my school's drumband formation. Like a composer with his hands chanting Indonesian songs.

"Bender ready"

I saluted lazily. I respect you by closing my eyes. Drunband music makes my roma feather stand. Rise up my national souls.

I opened my eyes. The sun was not hot this morning. But my sweat was already running down my shoulders. I looked out from the view of the east side of the sun. Staring at the teacher's line, the approaching buk deck whispered kettlean buk yana. I saw buk mutia. He was respectful with the movements of his mouth that were lulled by the music. I still like to look at him. I don't want to switch, even though my generator is trying to get away from it.

These two days, I did stay away from buk mutia. In bbm, our chatter stopped being debated by fear. No one called me after those two days. And I also refused to start first. For some reason, with buk mutia I always argue. And I hate arguing with him who always feels right. Like the fear we are discussing. He kind of cornered me who chose to harbor feelings for years.

"Struck grak"

Flag raisers lock rope ties, red and white flags fluttering at the end of the mast. Buk Diana laughed and saw me. I'm gawking. Buk diana laughed at me. He whispered with buk mutia. Buk mutia looked at me. I take a look. Hiding behind nando's big body.

I feel ashamed to meet buk mutia. Moreover, buk mutia was like just making fun of me who liked her. Nando slightly moved to the right, my gaze met with buk mutia. However, buk mutia immediately raised her gaze after seeing me. The corner of his eyes was like smiling back at what I was doing earlier. I held back a smile at the behavior of buk mutia who was making fun of me.

I went back to hiding behind Nando's body. The sun started to shine hot. I followed the ceremony with my head down.