Black Room

Pessimists

"You won't know, if you don't try"

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Have you ever loved someone but it is too impossible to continue? Or can't you stop falling in love even if someone won't be possible for you to have?

I used to crave fiona who ended up losing. Fiona just thinks I'm a friend. I know Fiona has no more feelings than that. Even though I never expressed my feelings. I'd rather believe that Fiona would reject me outright. "We're just friends" That's the answer I'm going to get. But somehow I was so sure of my pessimism. Then choose to silence and hold without ever being stated at all. But one thing I understand. Fiona is just as comfortable as a friend.

And now I feel the same way as the young teacher at school. Buk mutia who several months this gives a bitter taste of pent-up feelings. The wounds and broken hearts of knowing that buk mutia had a lover, did not deter me enough and stopped to love her. Feelings are feelings even though they are never touched by hope.

I swear in my heart on the recognition that I still love buk mutia. Why I still love him. While the wound is still agape in the impossibility that is always there. I couldn't help but feel happy to see buk mutia's smile. The wounds that gnawed at my heart seemed to come off and changed when I heard buk mutia laughing. Some days I'm back close to buk mutia at school. I admired him from a distance. It seems like being hurt and happy is something we have to accept when we fall in love.

Bell break just rang. I walked with my three best friends to the cafeteria. Just fill the stomach and spend hours resting by smoking. The canteen was as crowded as ever. I ordered fried rice with a mixture of sweet soy sauce as usual. Then sit in the back seat. Me and my three best friends talked about Indonesian repetition and buk nit.

"Buk asmarni, come here" said tek rida running back.

Tek rida walked backwards so buk asmarni did not know the strategy. The students in the canteen were rumbling for a moment. Panic makes them immediately turn off the cigarette. Buk Asmarni went into the canteen. All the students greeted him warmly. Buk asmarni smiled back at their greeting.

"What's buk?" Ask tek rida.

The canteen was empty and quiet. Everyone in the cafeteria focused on paying attention to buk asmarni. No one smoked. But cigarette smoke still fell in the cafeteria room. Wild asmarni buk staring in all directions. Like looking for someone.

"Is it here?" Ask buk asmarni.

I looked up and stopped eating. What's buk asmarni looking for me? Some people told my whereabouts to buk asmarni.

"Eat the buk?" My broom.

"Ohh, eat again, go on?" Buk asmarni.

"Let's eat it" Tek rida told buk asmarni.

Buk asmarni turned her body and looked hard. Then buk asmarni invites tek rida to chat. I don't know what buk asmarni and tek rida are talking about. The cafeteria returned noisily with a rumbling voice. Aldi, nando, and ijep hunt me down with the question of what kind of buk asmarni is looking for me. I also don't know why buk asmarni is looking for me.

"Dikan" Call buk asmarni again.

"Yes buk"

"I'm waiting for the teacher's handbag" said buk asmarni.

"What's wrong" I asked.

"No, I just want the stories with dikan"

I just kept quiet and continued eating. That's not a serious problem. At best buk asmarni invites me to exchange mindset. Like the habit of buk asmarni establish closeness with naughty children at school

"I'm not waiting for ya" said buk asmarni.

I nodded and smiled.

"No need to smoke. Later the hunt runs out of hours of rest" said buk asmarni.

"Not buk" My heart

Buk asmarni smiled and left the canteen. The canteen is back. Some students burned cigarettes. My three best friends were busy arguing about what the book was going to tell me. I just listen and continue eating.

Buk Asmarni is a school history teacher. Buk Asmarni is a senior teacher. Buk asmarni is well known by all students. But it can also be very if we make trouble in the lesson. Even buk asmarni can be more sangar than buk nit when angry.

Buk asmarni is very close to me. Even though I'm a bad boy, buk asmarni never gets angry with my behavior. Unlike other teachers who can only be angry and hate naughty children. The way buk asmarni advised us was quite effective and efficient. Buk asmarni embraces the naughty student and is invited to discuss life. Then easily buk asmarni direct and change our mindset about the school. If other teachers can only curse and anger at the mischief of students. Buk asmarni did a briefing and helped find a way out.

I approached the asmarni buk after eating. I decided not to smoke so that the buk asmarni did not wait too long. I pay my fried rice to tek rida. Then walk to the place promised buk asmarni. I don't know what the Asmarni book will tell you today.

Buk Asmarni was sitting in front of an empty room in the cafeteria. The room was the teacher's canteen before it finally returned to being an empty space. Buk asmarni smiled at me. Distance canteen tek rida with buk asmarni sitting not so far away. Only a hundred meters.

Buk asmarni was sitting on cement that was deliberately made to extend as a seat. His shoulders leaned against the pole with a view facing the office.

"Smuck buk. Dirty shoes later"

I sat at the very end facing the buk asmarni. My shoulder rested against the wall of the canteen made of boards and turned back to the office.

"Keep the same shoes than the same feet" said buk asmarni.

"Yes, if the feet can be washed. If shoes are still the first day of school" I explained

Buk asmarni smiled. The female student passed by on her motorcycle beside us. They greeted buk asmarni in turn. Buk asmarni replied with a smile. This afternoon, the sun was burning the skin. A few first-class students were running around in the takraw field behind the office.

"It's difficult to tell what" I asked directly.

"Don't you like buk mutia?" Buk asmarni.

I was stunned to hear buk asmarni's question. Buk Asmarni raised her eyelids as I looked at her. Where does buk asmarni know that I like buk mutia. I haven't answered yet, buk asmarni asked again.

"Honestly, same mother. Do you like buk mutia?"

I laughed in amazement at Buk Asmarni's question. I don't understand what buk asmarni means to ask like that. And do I have to be honest, when I never lie to buk asmarni.

"Yes, but not mutia guru. So it's impossible" I said.

Buk asmarni smiled. In my head I was busy thinking where did buk asmarni know that I liked buk mutia? And I remember one day I asked why the third grade did not study with the OT teacher to the Asmarni book.

"There is no harm in students dating teachers. Mutia is an OT teacher anyway"

"Where do you know if you like buk mutia?"

"I don't know where you're from don't need to know. I can tell your character just by looking at you"

I just nodded. Buk Asmarni is like a science of psychology. A Buk asmarni can read a person's character from just looking at it from a distance. Therefore buk asmarni is very close to naughty children.

"Didn't you try to dechetin mutia's book?" Ask buk asmarni.

I'm shaking.

"Why?"

"It's impossible for students to date a teacher. But the mutia buk is also two years older than the dikan" I replied.

"Lohs...What's wrong with age. Mother with father is also two years old. Age is not a problem while we can unite mindsets" said buk asmarni.

"Buk mutia already has a boyfriend buk"

"Where do you know? Buk mutia the same story mom if she does not have a boyfriend" said buk asmarni smiling.

I just stared quietly at the back of the office. Is it possible that I saw it wrong when it was in front of the lab? Or buk mutia also lies buk asmarni. Why would I think of such a thing. Besides, I can't possibly have a mutia buk that's more perfect than me.

"He doesn't have a girlfriend. Singles again" Buk asmarni smiled teasing me.

"Let's buk. Buk mutia is in college. Soon he will be graduated. While dikan, the end of High School alone is grateful" Sahutku.

"Dikan thinks too much about the impossibility so be a pessimistic self. Sometimes we also need to dream so that all the effort can be possible. After all, we'll never know if we don't try" said buk asmarni.

I just kept quiet. Buk Asmarni tells about her meeting with her husband. At that time buk asmarni was still an honorary teacher and her husband as an OT teacher at the same school. I just kept quiet and absorbed all the words of buk asmarni. Buk asmarni told me such a story with the aim of motivating so that I would no longer be pessimistic to approach buk mutia.

Twenty minutes passed with the romance story of the meeting of buk asmarni and her husband. The school bell rang to end the break. I walked into the local after saying goodbye to the buk asmarni. One thing I learned this afternoon. We will never know if we never try. But that doesn't mean we have to try to know first. The point is, live life by following what your heart says.