Black Room

Black and white

Black is the color of the misery of hell. White is the color of happiness. Humans live in many colors, on many sides. It will end in black or white.

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Death is a promise of destiny that cannot be denied by humans. Later all who live will be picked up by death. No human being can know when death will come to take life from the body. Death is like a riddle and a terrifying tragedy. And man lives to bring death.

The world is the waiting room before death to bring to white or black as the end of the adventure of life in the world. Later when the time comes, there will be a time when the world is destroyed as unceremoniously as what was promised by fate. Human charity and sin will be sucked up until the spiritual right to occupy heaven or hell as a reward for actions during the world.

In the last few weeks I have had more time with my mom. Almost every night after returning home from the maghrib prayer from the mosque behind the house, when when at the table eating, my mother always gave me advice with an untitled lecture. I can only be silent when what he says is the true truth. This world is just a journey that is a test for man. I felt half my heart was crap when what my mother was talking about cornered me with a mistake. But half-heartedly listen with wisdom what comes out of a mother's chatty mouth. I just kept quiet because mom would be if I tried to argue with her.

"Black is like misery in hell. White is the color of happiness in heaven. And man lives life in many colors, in many ways. But it will only end in black or white. Hell or heaven" Mother's advice that stunned and amazed me.

People live with hope and trust in destiny. Man grows up with his own mind and world. Childhood, adolescence, marriage, having children, seeing grandchildren, and old are the histories of life that have meaning at all times. Every human being lives with a journey and has their own story. However, I was living in a pit of sins that I realized but could not escape.

I sat pensively with a bar of marijuana that started to go out in my hand. Mother's words were ringing in the head as a discussion that makes the mind become distant. My mind and I argue without ever being able to deduce. I feel like my mind has drifted on this Friday kliwon night. I feel like I am living under my own pressure. Further away. Mother's advice feels piercing and precise about the consciousness of the breast. I live on two sides. Between white and black. Where I was more dominant standing in the black space. The one side I always hide as a disgrace.

I was trapped in the illusion of my own head. The thoughts pressured myself again. The fear and all the possibilities feel very close to haunting. A futile life, a bleak future, and sins piled up in the record of destiny. All this feels exhausting. For I also cannot move from the black space that became the world and the choice that I love.

One thing I realized. The happiness of being human in the dark, or the beauty in the black space is only the delights of a deceiving world. However, I do not know until when I continue to commit sins that I have realized.

My blackberry sounds messing with my daydream. The ringing vibration made my blackberry walk on the learn-Bopet table. I stood up to take my blackberry. Tia(Mylife)'s name is written on the screen. I picked up the phone with smiling lips. I realized my mistake of forgetting to contact mutia first.

I spent the night calling with mutia. Joking and laughter accompanied my happiness this evening. Mutia asked about my father's work. I replied that you worked as a rubber farmer. And mother as a wholesale trader in the market.

Mutia doesn't know that my parents are divorced. I never told anyone about my parents. Even my three best friends at school, no one knew that my parents were divorced. In the school setting, maybe only Buk de and windi knew about my parents getting divorced. I also did not tell mutia that my parents were separated.

Mutia told me that she wanted to be a doctor. But mutia had to kill her ideals because it did not penetrate the medical faculty unand. Mutia did not qualify for SBMPTN (Joint Selection for State College Admission). Then mutia chose STKIP PGRI with a major in history as the last option.  Mutia said she wanted to be a journalist.

The night is getting late. The sound of vehicles began to rarely be heard passing through the front road of my house. The clock on my phone screen already showed ten o'clock past. Mutia still told me about High School. Mutia attended school at SMAN 1 Lasi River. Mutia likes to talk about her experiences. I just listen more and ask occasionally.

We've been talking for almost two hours on a phone call. We closed the conversation with good night and good night. Mutia also told me not to forget to reply to her poem this afternoon. I wrote a poem after Mutia hung up the phone. I was a little confused about putting my heart together. Some of the poems I've written I have to throw away because they're not good for me. How can I be a poet or a writer like what mutia said if to write a poem I am confused.

The sound of a cricket broke the silence in my room. I suck my lucky wedge. Thick smoke billowed on the ceiling. Mutia's smile flashed through my mind. I smoked pot before I put it out in an ashtray. Then begin to write a conscience in accordance with what is summarized in the imagination.

Meaning Your Smile

I always fall in love when you smile. I can't say no. Since the first time we met. I've always been fascinated by the dimples that appear when you smile. I don't know why I was stunned and so sympathetic by seeing your smile. I just know that I've fallen in love with your smile every time we meet.

I always blush when you smile. No matter how bad the condition and condition of the heart. Your smile always makes me happy. Your smile is like a vehicle that sends my heart into the valley of happiness. Changing the color of my heart is more than just gray. Make that dark heart full of light and loving.

I'm always fascinated when you smile. Even when suffering like this. Your smile becomes an antidote to the suffering that pervades within. Seeing your smile is the strongest reason for me to miss. Your smile is a charm I don't want to miss for a second.

I always wanted to be the reason you smile. Maybe seeing you smile and laugh will make life feel perfect. So, give me a chance to carve out a beautiful story with your smile. And if I could, could I be the only home to the joy and sorrow of that smile?

See you later, though,

And forever, and,

I closed the poem I wrote in the back of the book. I compiled the books I will carry according to the subjects tomorrow. After finishing with all the schoolwork I immediately laid myself on the bed. I fell asleep faster tonight.