Black Room

Pessimists

"You won't know, if you don't try"

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Have you ever liked someone, but you feel so pessimistic about getting someone? Or do you stop to be amazed and fall in love even though you know that someone is impossible for you to have?

I once craved fiona until finally succumbing because fiona only thinks I'm just a friend. I know Fiona has no more feelings than that. Even though I never expressed my feelings. I'd rather believe that Fiona would reject me outright. I don't know why I'm so sure of my pessimism. Then choose to be silent and hold without being stated at all. But one thing I understand. Fiona is just as comfortable as a friend.

And now I feel the same way as my young teacher at school. Buk mutia who for several months made me feel the bitterness of love clapping one hand. However, feelings are still feelings even though they are never touched by hope.

I still love buk mutia. I swore in my heart with my confession just now. I still like it even though I have felt the wounds of buk mutia who already has a lover. I could not dodge with my heart that felt happy when buk mutia smiled and laughed. But, I thought being able to have it was just an impossibility that scared me to try. I can only admire it from a distance.

Bell break just rang. I walked with my three best friends to the cafeteria. Just filling the stomach and smoking dikantin. The canteen was as crowded as ever. I ordered fried rice with a mixture of sweet soy sauce as usual. Then sit in the back seat of my favorite place when sitting in a bag of tek rida.

"Buk asmarni, come here" said Tek rida pretending to walk backwards, charade so that buk asmarni does not know the strategy.

The students in the canteen rattled off immediately putting out their cigarettes. Fear of being caught by buk asmarni. Buk Asmarni went into the canteen. All the students greeted him. He smiled back at the students.

"What's buk?" Ask tek rida.

The canteen was empty and quiet. All students focus on paying attention to buk asmarni. No one smoked. Including the MAN children who also turned off their cigarettes. Wild asmarni buk staring in all directions. Looks like he's looking for someone.

"Is he?" Buk asmarni asked. What's buk asmarni looking for me? Everyone pointed back.

"Hadir buk" My sahut "Eat mother?" My broom.

"Ohh, eat again, go on?" Buk asmarni.

"Had eaten recently" Tek rida told buk asmarni. Buk asmarni turned her body and looked hard. Then talk to tek rida. I don't know what they're talking about. The canteen is back. Aldi, nando, and ijep hunt me down with the question 'Why buk asmarni is looking for me'. I also don't why buk asmarni is looking for me.

"Dikan" Call buk asmarni again "I'm not waiting for the teacher's handbagin ya" I said buk asmarni.

"What's wrong" I asked.

"No, I want stories with dikan" Sahut buk asmarni "Hud wait ya" Remember buk asmarni.

I'm nodding.

That's not a serious problem. At best buk asmarni invites me to exchange mindset. As usual, he was scolding me.

"Don't hang on for long" said buk asmarni.

"Not buk. At most just one stick" My heart relaxed.

The canteen laughed. Buk asmarni smiled and said goodbye with tek rida. The canteen is back. 'What will the asmarni book tell me?' People ask me what I ask myself.

Buk Asmarni was the closest teacher to me. Even though I'm a bad boy, buk asmarni never gets angry. Almost all students at my school say that buk asmarni is a good teacher. With male students who fall into the naughty category, like me. Buk asmarni advised us by inviting us to discuss. Same thing with the invitation of buk asmarni this afternoon. But do not mess with the asmarni buk, buk asmarni can be more fierce than other teachers when angry.

I approached the asmarni buk after eating. I decided not to smoke so that the buk asmarni did not wait too long. I pay my fried rice to tek rida. Then walk to the place promised buk asmarni.

The asmarni buk was sitting in front of an empty room that was no longer inhabited. Once, the room was a teacher's canteen before it finally returned to being an empty room. Buk asmarni smiled at me. Distance canteen tek rida with buk asmarni sitting not so far away.

"Why are you wearing shoes?" Ask the asmarni buk that sits from cement that is deliberately contrived to extend as a seat. The former teacher's canteen has two entrances. One front door from the office and one as the back door of the canteen. And buk asmarni sat near the back door.

"Keep the same shoes than the same feet"

"Yes, rather than dirty shoes, buk. If the feet can be washed"

Buk asmarni smiled. "Don't you like buk mutia?" Ask buk asmarni. Buk Asmarni raised her eyelids as I looked at her "Honestly, just like my mother. Do you like buk mutia?"

"Why's that what you're asking" I said in wonder. I don't understand what buk asmarni means. Where did buk asmarni know that. And why did he ask that.

Buk asmarni snorts "There is no harm in students dating teachers. Moreover, mutia is just a teacher of PL" said buk asmarni.

I'm silent not understanding. I was wondering where buk asmarni knows that I like buk mutia. From my friends, or the mutia buk that told the asmarni buk. I remember that I once asked 'why third grade didn't study with OT teachers' to buk asmarni.

"Where did you know?"

"I don't know where you're from don't need to know. I can tell your character just by looking at you" said buk asmarni looking at me.

I just kept quiet. Buk asmarni is like having a psychlogic science that can read a person's character. I feel that with the closeness of buk asmarni with many naughty students at school. But why is buk asmarni asking now?

"Have you tried to get a mutia book?" Ask buk asmarni.

I'm shaking.

"Why?"

"It is impossible to date buk mutia" I replied, "Buk mutia is greater than dikan. He's also a teacher, there's no way a teacher can date a student"

"Well, what's wrong" Sahut buk asmarni "Here mom with husband mom is also old and mom is two years old. What is the problem with age, the important thing is to understand each other" The story of the book asmarni.

"How the hell, have not stepped up already admitted defeat. Dikan only think about the possibility of course, so pessimistic. But, I haven't tried it myself. Sometimes, dreaming is also necessary. Imagine how everything became possible. I haven't tried yet, have I?"

"Not buk. Buk mutia is in college. Graduated soon. While dikan, SMA alone can profitably end" I explained "Buk mutia already has a boyfriend buk?"

"She said she didn't have a boyfriend with her mother" said buk asmarni.

"Let's, buk. Let me admire buk mutia from afar" Sahutku. Buk mutia also lied to buk asmarni?

Ibuk Asmarni tells the story of her meeting when her husband was OT and buk asmarni as an honorary teacher at the same school. Buk Asmarni continued to tell stories until they finally got married. I just listened intently to the asmarni buk story.

Ten minutes went by with the original book about love with her husband. Of course the story was to motivate me not to be pessimistic and inferior with my own feelings. The bell rang ending the break.

"So how, still afraid to try?" Ask buk asmarni as we start walking into the school environment.

"Report the buk, take courage first" I said.

"Ehhh will not know, if he does not try"

I'm nodding.

Beside office. I stopped and walked right to the local. While buk asmarni deviated to the left into the office.