Tidying Up Asa, Inviting Hidayah

96. Expressions Feelings

🌵Someone whose heart has been broken will find it hard to open again. Unless you've found the right person and feel comfortable expressing your feelings.🌵

Half ran Hara out of the pharmacy, hastily getting into the car. He immediately opened the mag-shaped medicine tablet he had just bought, then handed it to Jenar. Not only that, he also gave the eucalyptus oil that the girl might need to reduce the pain in her stomach. In his heart he was grateful, there was still a nearby pharmacy that was open these nights.

“How?” ask Hara after Jenar finished taking the medicine.

Jenar just nodded. Because, his stomach still feels wrapped around, but hesitant to be frank. It made Hara not understand the ambiguous answer.

“The stomach is smeared with eucalyptus oil, let's get anget!” hara's orders.

Jenar glanced, then snorted. Currently he wears a syar’i gown with buttons behind his back and always wears a sleeveless t-shirt as the inner. If you want to apply eucalyptus oil on the stomach, it means he must take off his clothes. There was no way he could do that in front of a man who was not his mahrom.

“Why? May I help you with eucalyptus oil?” ask Hara because she saw Jenar did not immediately do the order.

Jenar clucked, then took a rough breath, “Pak Hara wants to find a chance in constriction, yes?”

Hara smiled, understanding the meaning of Jenar's words.

“Yes, your hand lemes, so can not rub eucalyptus oil into the stomach. Then you want to ask for my help. Who knows, right?” said Hara who was given a sharp look by Jenar.

“That, anyway, wanted Mr. Hara himself!” cetus Jenar, ignoring Hara who was smiling wryly.

He opened the lid of the eucalyptus oil bottle, poured a little on the palm of the hand, then applied it on the nape and neck. That way, he hopes to reduce the pain.

“Search for food now?” Hara was suddenly like the most foolish person who did not know what to do, asking Jenar a little.

Jenar nodded, after finishing applying eucalyptus oil. He leaned back and closed his eyes. His hand reached into the bag, in order to take the tissue. With his eyes still closed while enduring the pain, he rubbed the cold sweat on his face.

“ACnya just dead, yes?” Hara doesn't want Jenar to get cold.

Without waiting for a response, he turned off the car's AC and opened a little window glass. Moments later, he runs the car out of the pharmacy parking lot located in front of the karoseri company building, Magelang's largest business empire. Jalan Mayjen Bambang Soegeng is crowded smoothly tonight, with a variety of vehicles passing by.

“What do you eat?” Hara looked to her left, looking for the nearest restaurant.

“Sucert,” replied Jenar lazily. He was busy with the pain, but Hara kept talking to him.

“A lot of closed,” said Hara.

“If this hour is the most tent stalls, sir. Pecel catfish, lamongan, satay, fried rice, like that.” replied Jenar. Although lazy, but he did not have the heart to also let Hara confused looking for food stalls that are still open.

“What do you want to eat? No problem eating at tent stalls?” Hara doubts Jenar can eat in a narrow and open tent stall.

“I used to eat at the tent stall, maybe the unusual Pak Hara.” replied Jenar while opening her eyes and glancing to the side, to see Hara's facial expression. However, the glimpsed remains focused on the highway.

“I can eat anywhere, which is important your stomach is filled immediately.” replied Hara annoyed. He was very worried about the state of Jenar, but what was feared actually had other thoughts.

“Ya, it's up to you.”

Hara looked over, then shook her head. Women, it is very difficult to be frank, making men sometimes confused to make decisions.

“It looks like there's a tent stall in front!” Hara slowed down the speed of the car, pulled over while glancing at the writing printed on the stall cover cloth.

“Fried rice, fried noodles, godog rice, godog noodles, capcay .. has something you like, no?” ask Hara, when the car stopped right in front of the tent stall located on the side of the road.

Jenar straightened up, looking out the window, observing the situation of the tent stall that was not so crowded. Seeing the smoke billowing and unintentionally smelling the fragrance of cooking, the worms in his stomach immediately protested.

“Mau?” Hara confirmed Jenar's answer.

Jenar looked, then nodded. Hara immediately followed the direction of a parking attendant, looking for a safe place to park the car.

“Pak Hara comes out first,” pinta Jenar, after Hara shuts down the machine.

“What's up?” Hara doesn't understand why Jenar asked her to come out first.

Jenar did not answer, only showing eucalyptus oil. Hara understands the code that Jenar gave, but is tempted to pretend bo doh.

“What, anyway? Why eucalyptus oil?”

Jenar snorted, then replied in an annoyed tone, “Mau smeared into the stomach.”

“Oh!” Hara pretended not to understand that Jenar needed privacy.

“Ya, already. Why are you still here?” Jenar grumbled, because Hara was trembling.

“Can't really? You just want to grease eucalyptus oil into the stomach, right? I wait here.” said Hara casually.

Again Jenar snorted, it was hard to talk to a rigid blackboard that did not understand women. Lazy explained, he chose to go out, moving to the back seat.

“Don't look back, once Mr. Hara did it, I shouted!” jenar ketus.

Hara smiled, glancing at the rearview mirror inside. In the dimness of the light from the outside, it faintly appeared that Jenar was looking down. He could guess, if the girl was about to pull the end of her robe up. If it continued, he would definitely go crazy looking that shouldn't be caught by the eye.

The man snorted, squeezing the panels to seal all the window glass. He decides to get out of the car, before his madness continues to rule the common sense.

“There is a jacket in the back, wear it! Outside cold.” said Hara before closing the door.

Jenar looked up, then exhaled a sigh of relief. She thought Hara would never get out of the car until she finished applying eucalyptus oil. In grateful hearts, there are still good men who respect the privacy of women.

Hara smiled, as Jenar got out of the car wearing her jacket. The girl actually looks more sweet wrapped in an oversized jacket. The pleasant smell of cooking was welcomed, as he and Jenar walked into the tent stall. A flap-haired man with a gallant stature smiled amiably, welcoming them.

“Monggo, ngersake nunopo?” (Please, what message do you want?)

Hara, who was not very understanding, just moved an eyebrow, looked at Jenar.

“Pak Hara want to order what?” Jenar knew that Hara did not understand speech in the Javanese language kromo. (Javanese used in semi-formal conversation.)

“What do you want to eat?” Hara returned the question to Jenar.

Jenar thought for a while, “Ehm .. I just fried rice.”

“Ya is the same,” Rupa Hara does not want complicated choose the menu.

“Nasi goreng two, yes, Mas.” Jenar said to the fat-haired man who was cooking.

“White, Mbak. Lombok and pinten?” the seller asked how much fried rice he wanted chili.

“Pak Hara want to pedes or not?” Jenar asked Hara.

Hara shakes her head, “Neither need.”

“Pedes dikit or do not care at all?” Jenar confirmed Hara's answer.

“Little bit,” replied Hara.

Genar must harden the sound so as not to lose with the roar of the vehicle and spatula clashing on the pan, “Yang one small chili one, one mixed with chili five, yes, Mas.”

The seller understood. Not yet had Jenar and Hara passed, another man approached them, “Unjukane nunopo, Ma?” (What do you drink, Mother?)

“Ehm ... I sweet orange half hot angel, yes, Mas.” replied Jenar, then he set his eyes on Hara, “Pak Hara want to drink what?”

“Es coffee,” answered Hara briefly while circulating the view to all corners of the shop that is not how big it is, looking for a seat that is still empty.

“Copy tubruk, coffee milk, or mixcofee, Mas?” ask a man of not too high stature with muscular arms, as used to do heavy exercise.

“Copy of milk without added sugar,” replied Hara again.

The man who asked was about to turn around, but Jenar prevented by exclaiming, “Mas! The orange for me selected that has really matured, yes! Let it not sour. Oya, just a little sugar.”

“Wah! You guys are a compact couple, apparently! Ask not to use a lot of sugar, surely because you guys are already sweet, to? Indeed, if you are both gini, let alone sweet oranges, bitter coffee will still taste sweet.” as well as men who invite smiles and laughter everyone.

Jenar and Hara looked at each other, then shook their heads to hear the clumsiness of the shop officials who thought they were lovers. Hara's protective attitude allowed Jenar to walk first towards the empty bench and Jenar who looked down embarrassed, anyone who saw would have thought they were a couple.

Buyers aren't too crowded tonight. They are free to choose the available empty seats. Jenar chose to sit at the very end of the bench, away from other buyers. Hara understands, if Jenar does not like side by side with the crowd.

“His stomach still hurts?” hara asked after a few jokes they just kept quiet to each other.

Jenar shook her head, “It's been kind of better. Thank you, yes, sir. I have taken the initiative to buy eucalyptus oil, even though I only ask for mag.” medicine

“You know have mag pain?” ask Hara again.

Jenar nodded. Not yet he had a voice, Hara has sent a follow-up question, “Then deliberately late to eat? Let me guess! You haven't had lunch since lunch?”

“Ehm ... accidentally late to eat, anyway, sir. If you have not eaten from lunch right.” replied Jenar while laughing. Remembering when he last ate a heavy meal today.

Hara snorts. Jenar is always negligent, ignoring important things that are considered trivial.

“If you know you have mag pain, you should know your meal schedule. Don't be late! Not eating since lunch, kok, said accidentally late to eat.” grumbled Hara.

“Indeed normally I never have lunch, sir. Mostly eat snacks only, just eat the weight of magrib.” explained Jenar.

“Then why didn't you eat?” Hara is still pursuing an explanation.

“Because Mr. Hara was, right, waiting. When Ms. Sayumi ate, Mr. Hara said she was not hungry. I'm not good, dong, eat alone. Anyway it can be late to the clinic earlier if I eat first.” Jenar continued the explanation.

Hara snorted, remembering a while ago while at Aneesha's house. He picked up the girl at college this afternoon. Then drive home first, while checking the renovation work. He said to Jenar that he would go to the clinic. Not expecting if it turns out Jenar so late to eat, because he was waiting. Know so, he received an offer of food from Mbak Sayumi just earlier, so that the mag jenar pain does not recur.

“I feel guilty, nih!” hara said regretfully.

Jenar shook her head, “Pak Hara is not wrong, really. Very good even. willing to shuttle, deliver therapy, still bother buying mag medicine and accompany me to dinner now. Less good what, try?”

“Do not do so, you also have the right to talk if what I do is not in accordance with your wishes.” Hara said in a wise tone.

Jenar just sniffed her shoulders, hearing Hara's words. The man must have forgotten to be so authoritarian towards her lately.

Hara remembers talking to dr. Halimah at the clinic. According to the psychologist, Jenar needs someone who can be trusted to share the story. Because, the traumatic effects that imprint can not heal just like that, without the support of the closest people to foster self-confidence.

“Other times just say, if you want to eat first before leaving, or whatever. No matter I wait longer, about the counseling schedule .. can be reset, kok.” explained Hara, correcting Jenar's attitude.

The strings rotate the eyeballs. If normally he just kept quiet and listened to all of Hara's words, this time, no. He ventured to protest, “How to say that Mr. Hara never gave me a chance. You also never ask before deciding something related to me, right?”

Hara frowning, “I mean?” he did not understand the meaning of Jenar's words.

“Ehm ...,” Jenar pause sentences for a while to catch your breath. Gathering the courage to express feelings.

“Pak Hara never asked if I agreed or objected. You want to pick me up, drop by, buy a book, stop at a restaurant, until you buy me food. My opinion is not important, because you do not accept rejection, right?” Jenar looked up for a moment, glanced at Hara with a smile, “Thank you, yes, sir. Already care a lot about me.”

Hara gasped with a long speech that stuck out feelings. His heart was like being hit by a sharp knife, hearing the narration of Jenar. For 28 years of life, only this time there was a girl who dared to flay mistakes and satirize with an expression of gratitude. He could not believe that Jenar dared to do something that offended him.

“So it remains me who is wrong, yes?” Hara smiled miris. His perceptive ability to overcome every problem, this time it was wrong according to Jenar.

“I do not say you are wrong, loh.” replied Jenar slowly, there is relief in the heart because he managed to say at length about Hara's attitude that often makes him feel depressed.

“Es coffee milk without sugar and sweet orange warm half hot with little sugar. The oranges I have selected are really mature.” Jenar and Hara compactly smiled while staring at the friendly man.

“Thank you ..” said the two of them almost simultaneously.

The friendly man nodded with a smile, "Enjoying his drink is okay while looking at each other, yes, Mas, Ma'am. Let it taste so sweet." The man immediately retreated after two glasses moved from the tray to the table. While Jenar and Hara compact take their respective glasses to taste their ordered drinks.

“Jen!” “Pak!” Jenar and Hara called out to each other at the same time, after putting the glasses back on the table.

Hara looked away, while Jenar looked down. The two smiled in embarrassment, realizing the unplanned cohesiveness.

“You first!” pinta Hara without looking to the side.

“Pak Hara just first!” Objections are welcome to speak first.

“So who wants to talk first, or are we a suit?” Hara came up with a silly idea.

Jenar almost laughed, making Hara say, “Ladies first?”

“Older first!” jenar was sure.

Hara chuckles, “Lose me when I talk age.”

Jenar smiled while looking down, guessing roughly what Hara was going to say. While Hara who had been compiling the questions since from the clinic earlier, was happy to get the opportunity.

“Can I ask?” Hara tilted her head looking for Jenar's lowered face.

“About what?” ask Jenar without raising her face.

Hara was silent for a while, took a breath, then continued the question, “How do you feel?”

Jenar turned her head, frowning while repeating Hara's question, “My feelings?”

“I want to know, how you feel after three times undergoing this counseling therapy. Any changes or not?” Hara explained the meaning of the question.

“Oh!” Jenar turned her eyes forward, “Of course there is, sir. Now I rarely relapse. Either because it has healed, or because never met men smelling of alcohol and perfume that sting.”

Hara smiled wryly, again Jenar insinuated herself who did not allow her own commute to campus. During the treatment process, Jenar rarely goes alone. Especially lately, Hara always drove him to go anywhere.

“So I'm wrong again?” ask Hara seriously.

“Are there any words I blame the father?” Jenar returned the question.

“Indeed nothing, but your sentence is like insinuating me.” replied Hara.

“Bapak baperan turned out.” as well as Jenar.

Hara laughs, “Oke, after being blamed now you say I'm a baperan. Then what else?”

Jenar shook her head, grabbed a glass, then took a sip of the drink.

“During this time are you uncomfortable, I shuttle to campus?” Hara was interested to know how exactly Jenar felt. According dr. People who have trauma often hide their feelings. He so thought the possibility of Jenar had to be willing to be picked up.

“One time safe, Sir. It was so comfortable that I was worried that I would forget myself. With all the easy and fine conditions you gave me, I was afraid I could not go back to living my life as before. I was afraid to forget the taste of taking a public bus, carrying a coffee sachet in every bag to go, rush home for fear of missing the last bus, and be honest with Mama Sayumi why she came home late. Because it's too comfortable, I'm afraid I don't want to go back to my real condition, sir.” Jenar smiled after successfully revealing her feelings.

Hara looked at the girl next to her with an indecipherable look. There was guilt, pity, and compassion that came together after hearing the girl's expression.

“If you want, I can keep driving you everywhere every day. You do not need to go back to life as you used to be wary if you want to go,” said Hara sincerely.

However, Jenar shook her head. He was fully aware, that everything he got from Hara was only temporary. He did not want this man to sacrifice too much, which would add to his debt.

“Until when, Sir? Renovation of Kak Neesha's house is a little more finished, after that Pak Hara will definitely return to Jakarta. Last time Ma'am Tiara said, if I feel better, can stop counseling.” Jenar realized, no matter how comfort Hara provided there was still time to end.

There was pain in Hara's heart hearing the sentence spoken by Jenar. The expression of truth that made him realize, that the sweet togetherness with the girl was only temporary. In fact, he didn't want to end soon.

“I've told you will take care of your treatment until it heals, right? You can continue to follow the counseling session until healed.” said Hara after being able to control her feelings. He pulled out a cigarette, intended to distract so as not to get too carried away.

“Pak Hara must have discussed with dr. Halimah about my condition.” Jenar guessed exactly, “I don't want Mr. Hara out of money and more energy, just to treat my trauma that will not be able to disappear perfectly.”

“But, Jen-” Hara could not continue the sentence, because Jenar immediately cut it.

“Pak Hara did not tell anyone about my situation, I am very grateful. I realized, you have your own life. The time you have, should not be wasted just to take care of me.” Jenar smiled ending her sentence.

Hara is silent, understand it is impossible to force the will. Explanation dr. Halimah was back in my mind. That Jenar needs people who are comfortable to talk to. It can actually make the girl lose her trust, if she continues to force.

“OK. Actually I do not care if you want to continue counseling until anytime. Money doesn't matter to me, you know. But it's all up to you, I won't force.” Hara smokes cigarettes, holding smoke in the esophagus before exhaling it slowly.

“Thank you for understanding, sir. I will never forget all the kindness that you gave me.” said Jenar sincerely.

Hara smiled, “If you need anything, you can ask me. Let's just say, I'm an extension of your brother's hand. If you used to ask for something with Aneesha, now switch to me.”

Jenar shook her head, “Thank you, but I've been troubling you a lot. Not shameless if I still keep asking for something same father.”

“Yes, maybe you want to tell me about something or someone, so. I'll listen to.” Hara was a little choked up when she said that sentence. He should take a breath before continuing the sentence, “If we don't meet you can chat or phone me anytime.”

“Really? Honestly, yes, sir. Since Neesha's sister lived in Jakarta, I have lost my vent. It used to be only Sister Neesha who often heard my story, because my father and mother were busy all.” Genar grumbled.

Hara finds a gap for the two of them to get in touch, even without therapeutic or occupational reasons. He said as he continued to stare at Jenar, “Then you can tell me now.”

“Really? Can I call or chat anytime to my father's number?” Jenar.

Hara nods, “Originally don't be midnight, I've slept.”

Jenar laughs. There was always a strange answer when talking seriously with Hara. It is undeniable that this is what makes him feel comfortable with the man. Hara who originally looked like a blackboard, stiff, flat and always serious. It turns out that after knowing for a long time, there is another side that makes him comfortable together.

“Thank you, yes, Mr.” said Jenar sincerely.

Hara throbbing, “From earlier thank you, even though I do not give anything to you, loh.”

“Pak Hara has already given a lot to me tonight-” Hara raised her hand, preventing Jenar from talking more.

“Do not reveal anything I do, later impressed not sincere.” cetus Hara.

Jenar smiled, reluctant to continue the sentence because Hara was back in ketus mode again. To be honest he prefers Hara who panics when she knows she is sick, who is wise when she makes a mistake, and is confused because she sulks. However, he did not dare to say it. Simply save in the heart, a sense of admiration for the minimal male figure of expression that has become his helper.

“So what do you want to say?” Hara reminded.

Jenar shook her head, “What, huh? Forgot, not just be.”

“Kok, isn't it? Cheating!” grouse Hara.

Jenar chuckled, amusedly also seeing Hara grumbling indistinctly. It seems more human, like people in general.

“It's enough I talked a lot earlier.” Jenar looked at Hara without taking off her hand on the glass, “Thank you for hearing my outpouring of heart, without interrupting. Mr. Hara is not angry, is he?”

Hara shook her head, “You are the only person who dares to bring up all my mistakes. It's just a small thing, but thank you very much. I know and can correct myself.”

“I'm not polite, huh, sir? Dare to blame the old man,” Jenar grimaced while looking down.

“No pa-pa. I like women who frankly, rather than just giving codes, tau-tau sulking unclear.” subconsciously, Hara has expressed her feelings.

Jenar did not catch the meaning of Hara's heart. He actually felt the man was insinuating, “That's really me, sir. Frequently sulking is unclear, even for no definite reason.”

“But I like,” Hara stares at Jenar, “If sulking, it means you assume I can fulfill your wishes. I feel useful.”

Jenar was moved to look at Hara. During some jokes they look at each other, like wanting to dive into the depths of each heart.

“Excuse me..,” a stall employee came by carrying a tray containing two plates, “Nasi fried two, huh? One uses vermicelli, the other is ordinary.”

Spontaneous Hara and Jenar cut off the view. Jenar nodded, thanking the shop clerk who delivered the order, while Hara smoked a cigarette while throwing her eyes in all directions. They neutralize each other's feelings that had bloomed. Trying to realize that what just happened was a mistake. It is not worth letting it continue to thrive in there.

"Have you worn vermicelli, have I not?" Hara glanced at the contents of the different Jenar plate with hers.

"So Mr. Hara did not say he wanted to be given a gift. It's called magelan fried rice, sir. Usually use a mixture of wet noodles, but I prefer vermicelli. I like to get dizzy if I eat wet noodles, like there are bad smells." Jenar explained while stirring the contents of the plate, then tasting a little.

"Heemm .. fit the taste." murmured Jenar with sparkling eyes.

Seeing that, Hara became tempted to want to take a taste of Jenar's food. The man grabbed a spoon, then took a little fried rice mixed with vermicelli without asking the owner's permission. Jenar reflexes.

"Sir Hara, right, already has his own. Cheating!"

"You look better" said Hara, as she put a spoon in her mouth. He chews slowly, enjoying the taste of savory, sweet and too spicy rice.

Hara immediately grabbed the drink, after swallowing the chew. Because, he felt his tongue like burning due to the taste of food that is too spicy.

"Why, Sir? Yummy, right?" Jenar held back a laugh, looking at Hara's red face. He knew that the man could not eat spicy, while the fried rice he ordered was too spicy.

"But tedes, anyway?" grouse Hara.

"I don't care, you!" Jenar underestimated Hara who was not strong eating spicy.

"You have a stomachache, really, order spicy food. Not afraid of getting sick?" Hara shook her head, watching Jenar eat voraciously without feeling as pungent as she was.

Jenar shook her head, "That stomach ache is not from eating spicy, sir. But because it's fate."

Hara shook her head while laughing, Jenar could always liven up the atmosphere. What a simple girl, but can make a life that was originally gray to be full of color. If he could ask God, this girl could stay by his side. However, he was confused as to which God to ask. If he asks his Lord, will he come to the God that Genar worship?

"Map Hara's also delicious, just less painful, anyway."

Hara's reverie is interrupted, by Jenar's speech. He did not realize that Jenar had just tasted his fried rice.

"Eat if you want," Hara took a few scoops of fried rice, diverted it to a plate of Jenar that had been reduced a lot, "Eat a lot to be healthy."

"Sir Hara!" exclaimed Jenar, "I can get fat if I eat this much."

Hara laughed, content to prank the innocent girl. In his heart, let them be like this. Jenar did not need to know if the affection had grown in her heart. It is enough to let the girl stay comfortable with him, there is no need for any expression of taste, otherwise it will only make her stay away.

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Seriate....

***Eh\, it turns out that the one who expresses feelings is instead Jenar\, not Hara. But not love turned out to be\, hehe. Friends\, it is difficult indeed to eliminate the painful trauma. Need support from the closest people. Therefore\, we support a brother or friend who wants to rise from trauma\, yes. As much as we can\, for example by not bringing up the problem that made him remember the painful event. Agreed? ***

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The next chapter we want to go to Jakarta first, see about Aneesha same Reyfan what, ready to receive a surprise from the scene or not?  Waiting, yeah. hehe. The picture above represents Hara's feelings, yes.