Tidying Up Asa, Inviting Hidayah

117. The Fruit of a Mistake

...🌵A mistake will not be completed just with sorry and regret🌵...

Hara

I stared at the phone screen that displayed a roomchat, hoping something changed in the contents of the message inside. Dozens of unrequited messages and dozens of calls went unanswered. A few minutes passed and nothing changed. In fact, the last row of chats is only marked tick one.

A heavy gust of breath came out from the nose, one thing I was worried about was actually happening. Jenar blocked my phone number, making me unable to reach her. It seemed like this time his anger had peaked, it must have been hard to appease. It was my fault for acting spontaneously and without a second thought. Because it was too carried away, I forgot that Jenar is not a girl who is easily touched by just any man.

What am I supposed to do now? The phone number has been blocked, for sure he won't see me either.

I took a deep breath while closing my eyes. This chest felt very tight, like there was a big rock squeezing. Just this time I felt like a human being so stupid, as if I could do nothing.

“Mbak thinks you're gone, it's still here.”

The sound from behind made me look fast. Mbak Nabila walked out the door slowly. He glanced at me, then stopped right next to the pole. Orchid flowers that are in bloom are the target of the touch of her lentic fingers.

“Malah dumbfounded? Have breakfast?” mbak Nabila asked because I just kept quiet while looking at him.

“Mbak notice from last night you are restless, is there a problem?” mbak Nabila asked without taking his eyes off the purple flowers in front of him.

I just kept quiet, unable to answer that question.

“Indeed it's not mbak's business, anyway. Just because you live here, not everything you have to tell mbak.” sounds Mbak Nabila sigh and then continue the sentence, “But mbak don't want you to keep your own problems, mbak, especially when it comes to this family.”

I smiled wryly, then shook my head with his words. I saw Mbak Nabila looking at me, folding hands and approaching. His shady eyes stared at me intensely.

“Alhamdulillah if you have no problem with any of us, because Mbak sure staying one roof with people of different character is not easy. My father and I have lived together for a long time, sometimes checking. Moreover, you are only a few months old, there may be our attitude that is not pleasing in your heart.”

The long words spoken by Mbak Nabila made me feel full. It is very subtle this woman's feelings, so that my silence and anxiety actually makes her feel worried.

“Mbak this by what? I have no problem with this family, I am very comfortable living here.” I said as I walked slowly past my older sister.

“Alhamdulillah then, mbak also glad you stay here. The house was crowded and Naufal was sure to have friends if we were all going to work. Sorry if we often trouble you” I stopped my steps, when I heard Mbak Nabila's words.

At first glance I took a breath and turned my head, “I do not feel bothered, Ma'am. Precisely because I live here, I feel I have a family.”

“We are family, right?” Mbak Nabila smiled at me with a gentle look that made me touched.

With a thought in mind, maybe my brother has an answer to my anxiety. Maybe I could ask him what I should do to persuade the angry Jenar.

“Mbak?” I call him who's still on the porch.

Mbak Nabila moved an eyebrow, waiting for me to continue saying. I, who had been in the doorway, stepped out again.

“How to persuade an angry woman?” I ventured to ask, even though there was actually a sense of awkwardness and frank embarrassment.

I saw Mbak Nabila furrowing his brows, probably not understanding my question.

“Begini, i-we-dia .. ehm-” suddenly my tongue was confused to explain the problem I was experiencing.

Nabila closed her mouth, she smiled, didn't she! More precisely he was holding back a laugh, making me even more embarrassed. I'm sure this face has changed color to red, the air was suddenly hot when the sun had not moved as fast.

“Your girl is angry?” asked Mbak Nabila after successfully easing a stifled laugh.

“Not a girl! Uh, that is, he-ehm-” suddenly my hand moved irregularly like a person who was being attacked in panic because of worry Mbak Nabila misunderstood.

“Hara, hara ..” Mbak Nabila shook his head, “Baru didiemin girls are like the world want to doomsday only.” he said that makes me embarrassed.

“What's the anger because? You know not the cause?” This time, Mbak Nabila's tone was a little serious, although there was still laughter on his face.

“I was wrong,” I answered softly.

Mbak Nabila mangosteen, “ means you should know how to let him not be angry anymore. Have you apologized?” Mbak Nabila paused for a while his sentence, “Sometimes the man already understood if wrong but did not want to apologize first. His self-esteem was too high, closer to being selfish, anyway. Whereas for us women, an apology is very valuable.”

I took a rough breath before replying, “I've apologized, but there's no answer. Maybe he was too angry then. Now how can I repeat an apology, while my number is blocked.”

Mbak Nabila again closed his mouth, holding back laughter. I'm not offended because I'm busy feeling sorry for myself.

“Have you tried to meet him directly?” asked Mbak Nabila who I only answered by shaking his head.

“If you can't contact by phone, just try to go to him directly. Women are usually happy to be given such attention. You come directly to apologize is a form if you care about him. It could be directly sorry, deh.” explained Mbak Nabila.

“That's it, Ma'am? If he doesn't want to see me how?” many frustrating.

“Kan, not tried. The name is also effort, the chances are there are two, fail and succeed. If successful thank God, if it fails can be tried using another way.” Madam Nabila smiled at me.

Although pessimistic, but I want to try the idea. What's wrong with trying, good luck.

“Surely this girl is special once until you are confused she is angry.” guess Mbak Nabila.

I glared, unconsciously smiling at the innocent face of Jenar who lately has always been coloring the day. What's special about that girl? Until I was this loud just because he was angry, like the world was going to end. Waitaminute! Mbak Nabila is right, just because thinking of Jenar is angry, it feels like my world will end. That is the Genar in my life.

“What's the person like?” Question Mbak Nabila woke me from daydreams, “Definitely beautiful? She's your office friend?”

I'm shaking.

Mbak Nabila again asked, “Know where? Have you ever met or not?”

This time I nodded, indeed Mbak Nabila and Jenar already know each other.

“Where are you? Did he ever come here?” Mama asked doubtfully.

“Iya,” I replied honestly.

Forehead Mbak Nabila wrinkled deep, “Who? Is it possible that you already know?”

I nodded, “Ya, Mbak is familiar.”

Mbak Nabila's forehead is increasingly wrinkled until his eyebrows are almost fused. When I mentioned the name of Jenar to answer his question, Mbak Nabila even widened his eyes, without saying a word. I know he must be surprised. She must have never expected that the girl who was angry with me was Jenar.

***

Stringing

My life has been fine all along, even with past traumas. However, everything has changed since Mr. Hara's presence. He who entered my life under the pretext of wanting to help with treatment. It's true that he helped and made me comfortable to be by his side. I also believe that his intentions are sincere, until I forget that no one is truly sincere in this world. There must be an implied intent of all expressive behavior.

The events of that night made things clear. What the man did to me is enough proof that his sincerity is a mere guise. I was disappointed to be hurt too. Until it feels unable to open your eyes, crying all night is meaningless. The body I was guarding was half-dead, touched just like that without excuse. I feel like a despicable girl who is not good at taking care of herself.

Angry, of course. However, I could not vent it, only weeping and wailing. This disappointment was huge, I was at my worst angry point. The man I thought of as a hero turned out to be nothing like a sheep-furred weasel.

It's not that I don't know that Mr. Hara is looking for me, it's just that this anger has dominated the heart. He came to Aina's house, college, boarding house, as well as the places I used to visit. Sending hundreds of apology-expression chats all of which I ignored, because my heart was too angry. Don't meet, just look at the shadow I don't want.

I closed all access to communications with Mr. Hara. I purposely blocked her phone number and left Aneesha's house. I shy away from all the possibilities of coming face to face with him. It feels so sick.

Mbah Uti House became my hiding place, more precisely pulled away from the event that made heartache. My brother once said, out of all the places he's been to, Mrs Uti's house is the most comfortable place to rest.

I think brother was right, because here the atmosphere is beautiful, calm and cool. In addition to the beautiful natural scenery in the form of a vast expanse of rice fields with the background of Mount Merapi and Merbabu, I can see clearly when opening the room window. I like to sit on the back porch directly opposite the fish pond and garden planted by a live pharmacy. Staring at the fish scrambling for food that I deliberately spread into the pond, always managed to parse a tangled mind. The gurgling sound of water flowing from the bamboo pipe was able to be a medicine of tranquility.

Every afternoon before, some small children usually take a bath in the pool. More precisely play until the pool water is turbid. Their boisterous voices always managed to make my smile expand. I would laugh out loud if the mothers of the children came, shouting while brandishing brooms. Because, it is almost maghrib, but they have not finished playing in the pool. If it is like that sometimes Pakdhe Teguh also took action.

“Leren, relax! Wes maghrib, banyune luwer, mengko iwak e do die!” (Stop. It's almost maghrib. The water is murky, the fish will die.)

Hearing who had the pool shout, the children who were all men were compactly running away. Although they look scared, but in fact they never kapok. Tomorrow will come again and the same thing will happen again.

Fucking kids!

The cold wind blew down smoothly, making me realize from the long daydream. The evening sky was yellowish, the sound of the azan maghrib clamoring with each other. I took a deep breath while closing my eyes. Time to enter the house, because the natural scenery will soon be covered in darkness.

While closing the door while reading the basmalah, I saw Bude Sari making a drink in the kitchen. A question flashes in the mind, because it is not usually Bude Sari to make a drink during this maghrib.

“There are guests, Bude?” I asked while approaching Bude Sari.

Bude Sari who was stirring the tea nodded. My forehead is spontaneously wrinkled, who is visiting this afternoon?

‘Ah, maybe his friend pakde,’ my inner monologue.

“True, please bring it forward, yes! Bude already wudlu, fearing the hunt is off if not immediately salat.” Bude Sari's orders.

I nodded, immediately taking out a tray containing two cups of tea that were still reflecting hot steam. I took the tray to the living room, guessing who the guests were coming.

Sayup-sayup heard the voice of people chatting, but only for a moment. When we got to the living room, there was no one. I looked outside through the open door, saw Pakde Teguh standing on the terrace. Soon I approached him.

“Which guest, Pakde?” let me wander, sweeping the view in all directions, because there is only one pakde on the terrace.

“Wes bali (Home home).” replied Pakde Teguh after sipping a cigarette, dropped his butt on the floor, then stepped on it.

“Lah! This I was told to deliver drinks, even the guest has gone.” I lifted the tray, giving information to Pakde Teguh.

“Wonge. Lagian wes maghrib, pakde arep jama’ah ning mosque.” replied Pakde Teguh. (People rush. After all it is maghrib, pakde mau salat jama’ah in the mosque.)

Pakde Teguh walked into the house, I followed behind him. I put two glasses of tea on the dining table, someone will drink after the Maghrib prayer. It looks like Pakde Teguh came to me with something in his hand.

“What is Pakde?” manya curious.

“Aneesha's home backup key brought by Hara.” replied Pakde Teguh handed over several keys tied together with a rope.

I received the thing with a frown. Pakde Teguh who can read the look on my face, immediately continue the sentence, “Remodeling is done, so Hara wants to go home to Jakarta. He came here to hand over the key, because there was no one there.”

I must have heard Pakde Teguh's explanation. There's a strange sense of snaking out of the bloodstream, going into the heart. I don't know what the feeling is, just because I know that Mr. Hara is suddenly going away.

Waitaminute! Don't I hate him? Even being evaded from her now, I should be glad she left. Thus, I no longer need to hide. Yeah, I should be relieved, because I won't see her again.

Nah! This is not what I want, this is not how it works!

He should not just leave after incising disappointment in this heart.

“Pak Hara said to leave for Jakarta when, Pakde?” ask me quickly before Pakde Teguh go to the mosque.

Pakde Teguh nodded, “Tonight he departed, he said tomorrow morning should accompany Reyfan meeting with clients from abroad. Why?”

I shook my head, immediately darting into the room after making sure Pakde Teguh left. I picked up the phone and looked for contacts by the name ‘Papan Tulis’. I wish there was something I could find as an explanation. But apparently there was no chat. Oh, I forgot to block the number, it's worth no chat or incoming calls.

I decided to unblock Mr. Hara's number. A while waiting, there were no incoming message notifications. So this is how he escaped responsibility has hurt me? I cursed myself, so naively hoping that Mr. Hara would come to apologize and explain.

Who am I? Wasn't I the one who purposely avoided her? Why now I wish he had come to meet.

It's complicated so I. Acting angry, hoping to be persuaded. The average man has no sensitivity. Instead of persuading, even sulking. Like this Mr. Hara, instead of trying to open access to communication, but instead leave without an excuse.

.

.

.

Connect ....

Assalamu'alaikum ....

Thank God after so many years of leaving without saying goodbye, finally tonight can continue this story. 😁

Teman2 how are you? May always be given health and smooth fortune, aamiin. Thank you for the faithful waiting, sorry too long silenced without clarity😁

No need to be long, high times, yes. Just want to say, insyaalloh I will up a new chapter once a week until the end. The day is uncertain, it can be Monday, Tuesday, wednesday, thursday, Friday, saturday, sunday. (No need to use the reading tone, yes it's name2 days)😀

That, aja, yeah. Thank ye.

greetings dear😍😍