Tidying Up Asa, Inviting Hidayah

41. The most tragic heartbreak.

🌹The most tragic part is being left without saying goodbye

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I don't blame Dito for not letting me go to the hospital in a taxi. I understand here om Dito is my guardian, it is only natural that he has the right to regulate my movements. Because he'll be responsible if anything happens to me.

I'm not angry because I have to wait a long time for Dito to come pick up. I quite understand the bustle of Dito who was attending the handover event with the new division head who will replace his position, when I called earlier. Even though Dito immediately left the venue at that time, even though he had driven the vehicle with maximum speed, but if Alloh had willed then humans would not be able to dodge.

Once I got word from Nalini that Ghufron was in a critical condition, I immediately contacted my parents who just returned to Surabaya yesterday. I also asked Aneesha and the entire extended family to’akan my fiancee.

Bad feelings, like something's going to happen. If negative thoughts by making do’a throughout the journey, as om Dito said, “we have to multiply berTO’a, resigned the same Alloh.”

The distance between the office om Dito, campus and the hospital is actually not too far because it is still in one city. However, having to travel around with heavy traffic conditions, causing a distance that is not too far that takes a lot of time.

Once we arrived at the hospital located on health road no 1 of Mlati district of Sleman district of Yogyakarta, we immediately looked for Emergency Installation room. The place where Ghufron was being treated.

I heard the sound of azan ashar reverberating, as my footsteps and om Dito reached in front of the IGD room. We compactly stopped the step, along with the appearance of Pak Hara coming out of the big glass door, stunned at our arrival.

Mr. Hara did not say anything, only shaking his head with a flat face without showing any emotion. However, it was enough to answer all the questions that flashed in the mind. It can describe the situation we are facing.

I feel like the world around me is spinning at a very fast pace. My knees felt limp almost unable to support my body to stand up straight. Had Dito not quickly grabbed my shoulder, maybe I had fallen along with the clear liquid out of the eye pelukan without me preventing anymore.

The roof of the hospital collapsed on my head and the floor around me collapsed. My chest was unbearably tight, my heart was torn, broken and then shattered into pieces. There's nothing else I can do but moan .. Yes Alloh! Should this be your destiny?

Om Dito led me to sit in the front waiting chair of the IGD room without removing the grip. I finished crying by covering my face with both palms. My crying became more and more despite repeatedly om Dito tried to calm down while rubbing my shoulder.

“Sabar ...”

“Ikhlas ..”

“Already the course of Ghufron should be like this.”

“You are sincere, do not be a roadblock for Ghufron facing Alloh. Insights, yes.”

The last sentence spoken by om Dito slowly drew my consciousness. I tried to stop the crying, I wiped my wet face with the back of my hand. I took a deep breath, trying to stop the sobs.

“Can I see the body, Om?”

“You sure you are strong?”

“Insya Alloh, Om.”

I tidied the veil soaked by tears, I wiped my face once more before moving on. Mr. Hara drove us into the IGD room. He had a fight with the officer who wouldn't let us in. We waited for a while until the officer let me and Dito into the IGD room. I don't know what Mr. Hara said until the officer who seemed to be very weak.

As soon as I entered the IGD room I was treated to a scene that made my chest tightened even more. Some gurneys are covered with white curtains indicating that a patient is being treated. Walking straight through the gurneys, I headed to one of the gurneys whose curtains were open. Some health workers have just finished removing medical aids and leave patients with faces full of regret. Undergoing professions such as those who are accustomed to being close to birth and death, causes them to be ready to face both. Be happy when welcoming the birth, but will feel very sorry if you have to see the patient pick up death.

I could only close my eyes as Nalini hugged me sobbing. Although as hard as I can try to strengthen my heart, but the reality I face cannot be denied. I can't hide the sadness that's coming from the bottom of my heart. The cheeks that were not completely dry were now wet again by tears.

Mr. Haryo took off the blanket that covered his son's face, as Nalini brought me closer to the gurney. I saw a shady face as Ghufron paled with her eyes tightly closed. He looked very calm, like he was just asleep. I really still can't believe that the body of Ghufron I saw in front of me is dead.

“Innalillahi wa inna ilaihi rojiu’ ..”.

We belong to Allah and to Him we return.

I understand the meaning of the sentence I just uttered, but it still feels hard to accept this stifling reality. Mas Ghufron looks healthy, he is still fit like no sick person in general. Yesterday we were still talking on the phone, this morning we were still talking to each other.

Why so fast? Is the disease that Ghufron suffered is too severe, so it can not last much longer? A thorough examination hasn't even been done, has it?

“Acute leukemia,” I turned when Nalini said with a vibrating tone between sobs, “doctor said, sufferers will experience very fast pain in just a matter of weeks.”

“But Ghufron mas doesn't look like a sick person, Lin.”

“Tadi morning mas Ghufron still send chat to me, Lin.”

“We've had a hunch since a few days ago, Ma'am. Every mother cooks rice in the morning, the afternoon is stale. We and our family did do’a together for mas. But that premonition did not make Lini ready to accept this situation, Ma'am.”

“It feels like a dream, Lin. Tell me it's just a nightmare, Lin!”

“We must be sincere, Ma'am. Although Lini does not know, what can Lini face tomorrow without mas. Mbak knows himself Lini has been used to doing anything, go anywhere with mas.”

If I am only a few months close to Ghufron mas only as sad as this, what about Nalini who has always been close to her brother for life? He must be very sad to lose his life hero.

Yes, Alloh .. Mas! Why are you leaving so soon, when we will just assemble the future together. I was just able to make a map of the future that you taught me, I just had the spirit to reach my ideals, but you just left me. How can I reach for my own despair, when you guide me to tidying it up?

‘Why did you leave without saying goodbye, Mas? You know what I feel right now? Wish your eyes were open and you were just sleeping.’

Mr. Haryo pulled the blanket, covered Ghufron's face again. I was silent in tears, sobbing in pain. It's tragic my story with Ghufron. A new feeling of love for a while rested in the heart, now turned into lara because she left without saying goodbye.

“Insya Alloh husnul khotimah predicatemu, Mas.”

Nalini took my hand, we clasped each other a few steps back. Om Dito rubbed my head and back, trying to calm down.

“We have not told anyone.” said Pak Haryo after me and Nalini gradually calm down.

“Do not tell others first, before bu Nuning finds out. Someone better go home to tell Ms. Nuning in person. It is not good if only by phone.”

Mr. Haryo nodded confirming Dito's words, “my wife must have been very hit. Although we have thought about the worst possibility, but I never thought it would be this fast.”

“We split tasks only,” said Dito. “There are those who remain here to take care of the repatriation of the body, some who go home to give news to bu Nuning while preparing the funeral.”

“I'm here,” replied Mr. Haryo.

“I am also here to take care of all the administration,” said Mr. Hara.

“Then I go home, Jenar and Nalini come with me home. Later Nalini spoke slowly the same Nuning ma'am, so not too shocked. Undeniably this is shocking news for all of us.”

Om Dito, Mr. Haryo and Mr. Hara are busy discussing all matters related to the repatriation of Ghufron's body and the funeral. Mr. Haryo asked for a funeral to be held today as well, “ funerals must be hastened,” said Pak Haryo.

“I send people to the funeral home to help, so that the family of Pak Haryo is not burdened.” Pak Hara is the busiest person among us all. He not only thought about the issue of hospital administration, but also the preparation of the funeral.

“I will call my wife to come directly to the funeral home, later if I have to go home first to pick her up. Fellow women insyaalloh can talk from heart to heart with bu Nuning.” said om Dito.

After understanding what we have to do, Dito invited me and Nalini home. Because we have to give word to Ms. Nuning and prepare the funeral home to receive the arrival of the corpse. Somehow we will have to tell this sad news to Ms. Nuning. He must be very sad, must be very sorry to not be able to accompany his son at the last moment.

Although all has been outlined by Allah, even though this destiny is the will of Allah. However, all the way from the hospital to the funeral home, I still could not believe what was happening. Still hoping if all this was just a dream and I soon woke up with different circumstances.

However, what I got was just a short message from Aneesha's sister in Jakarta.

[Sir, you are patient, yes. Insya Alloh Ghufron husnul khotimah. Reyfan's brother is getting ready to go to Jogja as soon as possible.]

Explain that what happened so quickly was a reality, not a nightmare. This is the most tragic parting, the most painful heartbreak I've ever had. I have to accept the reality and destiny of God. Must be breastfed, because left without saying goodbye .. Although it is very difficult I accept it.

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Seriate....