Tidying Up Asa, Inviting Hidayah

30. Taste Turbulence

...🍁Nothing can touch the heart of man, except by the will of Allah the Most Reversing.🍁...

Hara's.

I glued in silence, looking up at the noise ahead. I never get caught up in a dream, I will be in a situation and a crowd like this. I never imagined I'd be sitting among the kids playing. Gripping with three different-age men who were all friendly and did not welcome me well.

I couldn't dodge every time a little girl ran up to me and hid behind my arm, as she was being chased by her sisters. I couldn't help but laugh when Naufal was twitching my neck, while the other children tickled him to a chuckle.

Here, I can for a moment forget the fatigue that builds up in the brain. Though a few hours ago, there was a tangled thread in my head that I could not break. But now even I almost forgot that I had made a lot of people angry with me.

After visiting Papa's grave, I drove Cecilia home. Then I took Soleh to Alex's place to talk about something important. The affair with Alex is not over yet, Reyfan and Hamzah are coming. They thought I would do something that would be both dangerous and apprehensive.

We had a fight at the place where Alex, Reyfan and Hamzah had even beaten the right hand of Quin's mother to the battered. If only me and Soleh hadn't managed to break up, maybe Alex would've lost his life. Because it's common knowledge, no one can stop Reyfan and Hamzah if they're showing fangs.

I did not escape Reyfan's hit. Lucky just a little bruising, not so noticeable. So it does not invite questions when I get to the house of Wawan.

I can go to Jogja after giving an explanation to Reyfan and Hamzah. I am so grateful to have a friend who has always been there for me, but right now I need more than just a friend. Although I don't know yet, what will end up like, but I have to find my own peace.

“You sure you won't do anything weird?” That was Reyfan's umpteenth question, when he drove me to the airport earlier. I answered through a nod of the head.

“Actually what is going on? You're not usually like this, Hara.” Hamzah who usually never protested anything I did, this time wanted to know because I was not used to cover a single problem from them.

I did not answer Hamzah's question. Soleh refused to comment, but he knew best what I was feeling and what I wanted to do. Although sometimes annoying, but Soleh I can always rely on to keep a secret. He never let me down, he respected my privacy a lot.

“I give you time, it's up to when. I only ask for one thing, once you're done with all your business, come back!” Reyfan finally relented because he didn't change my decision.

“I promise!” Answer's short.

“You know, we will always be there for you.” Hamzah grabbed me, just before I heard the announcement of the departure of the plane I was about to board.

I got out of my seat, stepped away from the three closest people of my life. I heard Reyfan yelling, making me turn around for a moment just to show him the middle finger.

“Find a woman who is willing to accompany you for life, not one who just wants to be paid handsomely to accompany you for a few hours only.”

I really left them behind me. The ones who had pulled my hand, when I fell down. Also those who celebrate my achievements. I'm sorry guys, I want to find my true identity, without your interference.

In my heart I said, ‘if God allows us to meet again, please welcome me as your friend. Whatever will happen to me someday.’

Memories of the past when I first met Hamzah and Reyfan swirl in memory, when the plane just took off. I brought all those memories, without wanting to forget them. I thank them and all those memories that shaped me to be what I am today.

I arrived at Wawan's house in the afternoon, this small house was very crowded. There were many people gathered here and all welcomed my arrival with fluffy smiles.

Madam Nadia, her husband and three cute children, also some people who were introduced to me as relatives of my mother. They all asked me how I was doing, asked me to talk as if I had met so many times. It was the first time I saw their faces.

“Om! Om! Bukake!” (om, open!)

The spoiled voice of the little girl about the age of two years with a special accent of cedal spread my daydream. I took a lollipop that he held out in front of me. Hutakan wrap the lollipop, then give it to the third daughter mbak Nadia. Haifa.

“Maem candy hold!” Sudang mas Aryo, Nadia's husband. But it did not prevent Haifa from running after her brothers.

I shook my head, not thinking about the behavior of the crowded little children. Not paying attention to the activities of adults around.

“You're not married, Hara?” Ask aryo. I shook my head in response.

Mas Aryo laid down next to me, clenched in his hands, lying down without closing his eyes.

“Happy first enjoy the youth, if you have met a suitable soon married! Married is worship, you know.”

“Nadia says, you live alone in Jakarta?”

I'm nodding. Apparently Aryo mas has not finished talking, “tinggal itself is not good, if you already have a wife and a new child living in color, yes, Mas?” he patted the shoulder of Akmal who was sitting next to him.

“Your side, Yo. It used to be fitting to have a confused child later how to love food, love education, now say good to have a wife. Basic!”

“That was it, Mas. Different then, different now, dong. Have a good wife, want to coffee someone makes, want to eat already ready, clean and neat tofu clothes. Tasty, right?”

“That's your wife being made a maid that means, Yo?”

“Yes, that's not it, Mas. Nadia at home never held housework, everyone else took care of. Nadia's work only counts the results of sales as well as just taking care of children. I'm still taking part, Mas.”

“Kirain you made Nadia a maid in Jepara, can not take the father's daughter.” Wirawan who invited our laughter.

“Mboten wantun, Sir. Nadia is the queen, which should be glorified.” (No dare, sir)

I silently listened to the chatter of the three men next to me, interesting. Mas Aryo and Akmal are not far from me, but already have valuable life experiences and a lot. The father who talked to the son-in-law but was like his own son. What a family I've never met before, a warmth in simplicity.

I helped Wawan's family prepare a place for a do’a event together later tonight. The women have been busy preparing for the banquet. I just knew that every year, the family of Pak Wawan held do’a together in order to commemorate the day of the death of the mother.

After the place and the banquet is ready, people come to the house of Wawan. They are all men with typical Muslim costumes, namely sarongs, cocoa clothes and peci.

I chose to retreat to the back, sitting on a bench located behind the house when the chants of the holy verses and the series of do’a were read. Enjoying his own cigarette suction in the dark of night. The atmosphere behind the quiet house makes my ears can still hear sayup-sayup do’a read by people.

I don't know what do’a and verses are read because they're all in Arabic. One thing that keeps me from thinking with these Muslims, why should they do’a using Arabic? Why not’a berto with their own language that is easy to understand?

Actually, a lot of it makes me want to know about the worship performed by Muslims. In the past, I only thought about it a little while ago. But now, when I gather with them too often, seeing them worship up close, my curiosity comes back. Especially I want to know about mom and dad.

“Why even sit here by yourself? Like missing persons only.” I turned to the source of the voice, and at once my long daydream was broken. Nadia stood in the doorway, carrying Haifa who was fast asleep.

“No pa-pa, Ma'am.” Answer's short.

I threw out a slightly burnt cigarette, knowing that Nadia walked over and sat down next to me.

“Mbak not ahead?”

Ma'am Nadia shook her head, “all is ready, stay presented later if the salary is done.”

“Mbak not follow njai?”

Nadia's mother shook her head again, “sedang kangal, can not read the holy verse.”

I nodded in understanding, I saw that Nadia was shaking the foam, because Haifa was moving. Maybe we were distracted by hearing our voices speak.

“Not put to sleep in room only, Ma'am?” I asked, because I felt like Nadia must be tired of carrying that stocky child.

“He can not sleep if there is a crowded sound, must be carried like this so as not to disturb.”

We were silent for a while, until the chanting of the holy verse was heard more clearly. It went into my ear and felt it settle to the bottom of my heart, causing a strange sizzle that brushed rome's fur.

I inhaled a deep breath, preventing the tightness from coming. I rubbed my nape, as well as both of my arms, dispelling the cold air.

“Cold, yes, Hara?” Nadia's question made me look up. A worried face complete with a deep frown displayed by Nadia, made me lift a little both corners of the lips.

“Nothing, Ma'am.” I'm trying to look okay.

“What do you think, Hara?” Nadia's mother seemed to know I was holding something, but only this time we met and talked.

“If you want, you can tell the same story. Insyaalloh mbak amanah.”

Because of Nadia's words I was moved to ask her. About the question that has been stored in the mind for a long time, maybe tonight can be answered.

Ma'am Nadia smiled faintly, “according to Islam, everyone who believes in Allah, obeys His commands, shuns His prohibitions and does not do bad to others, insyaalloh enter heaven.”

“There papa can meet mama no, yes, Ma'am?”

It was not Nadia who answered my question, for I saw her speechless. What I heard was the sound of the door opening. Mbak Nabila walked while saying, “here apparently you guys.” then sat next to me, I was flanked by my two twin brothers.

“Hara. In our religion, there is a verse like this, whoever does good deeds, both male and female, and he is a believer, so they entered into heaven and they were not persecuted in the least.” (Annisa 124)

“Rosulullah SAW said, no one is celibate in the afterlife.”

“And for them in it there are holy wives and they remain in it,” (QS. Lahmaharah :25)

“Soleha's wife will return with her husband, if her husband is a commoner.”

“So according to mbak, mama and papa can not meet in the afterlife, dong?”

“It's not according to mbak, Hara. But it is the promise of Allah contained in the holy book of the Qur'an’an. Life guidelines of every muslim and muslimah.”

I was silent, looking far ahead. As far as the eye can see, only darkness is visible. Awakened have been my questions all this time, the real question has long been ingrained in the mind. Tonight I am convinced that diversity is not wrong. However, in the context of religion and belief diversity should not be forced into unity.

“Eh! Change the topic, yuk! We just gathered like this time want to talk about the heavy-heavy continues, anyway?” Said Nadia.

“Iya, say another,” mbak Nabila agree. Two similar-faced women flanking me, now compactly looking at me.

“You said what?” I asked a little clumsy because it was seen by two beautiful women who if seen longer, their faces more like mama.

“What's the talk, huh?” Nadia returned the question.

“You said son, Hara has not had a child. Not fair, is it? The time we both talk, Hara just be a listener?” Mbak Nabila plays fingers on his chin.

“Yes, it's okay. I heard you guys story, can make reference later if I have children.” My answer was to try to brag but failed, because mbak Nabila and mbak Nadia did not laugh. They both looked at me with strange eyes.

“Mbak so want to know, deh, Hara. You're married yet, anyway?” Suddenly Nadia asked me the question I thought was the most annoying.

“Why ask that? If I am married, I can not stay here long, dong?”

“Yes too, sih.” mbak Nadia nodded, but a moment later she turned to me again, “you did not lie, right, Hara?”

“Yeah, Ma'am. Don't trust me.”

“Who knows you have a hidden wife, Hara.”

“Ngak-lah, Ma'am. I if I have a wife even want me to show off everywhere, especially if my wife is beautiful.”

The three of us laughed together, until Nadia put her index finger on her lips. Our sign had to slow down the sound, worry was heard all the way into the house. Because do’a together is still ongoing.

“If girlfriend must have, yes, Hara?” This time the question from mbak Nabila, which is just as annoying as the previous question.

I shook my head in response and showed a dislike face. I never liked anything about marriage or women. Because I don't want to think about it yet, it's still far from wishful thinking.

“Suitable, nih, Bil! Can we find a mate for our sister this.” Seloroh mbak Nadia's.

“He’em, Nad! Santriwati bu Nyai can times, yes?” Nadia and I compactly turned towards mbak Nabila, surely mbak Nabila mispronounced. Not yet aware, mbak Nabila even said again, “or khodimah ndalem who has been trained to do household work, or-”

Ma'am Nadia cuts off her unfinished twin sister's greeting, “Bil!”

Aware of his mistake, mbak Nabila covered his mouth with both hands, “astaghfirullohaladzim ..” He looked at me with a guilty look, “sorry, Hara. Mbak got carried away, so forget.”

“Just relax, kali, Mbak. Who knows, I was a match with the woman I mentioned earlier, so I had a reason to convert. Yes, right?” I played eyebrows as a sign that I was not offended by what Nabila said.

My two older sisters just smiled in response to the sentence I said. It sounded like a joke, but I said it seriously. It really came out from the bottom of my heart.

“May you be met with the best soul mate, yes, Hara.”

“Amin ...”

We continued to talk lightly about anything. Enjoying togetherness that we could not enjoy before, also not necessarily be able to happen again in the future.

“Finally our wish has a great sister, yes, Nad?”

“Iya, Bill. We used to cry because we did not have a sister, while other friends have a sister.”

“Now we have a real sister, but her body is bigger than ours,” mbak Nabila shut his mouth to hold a laugh.

“Good, dong. It means we have someone who can be used as a shield if someone disturbs us.”

“Iya, Bill. Including if our husband hurts us, he must be willing to buy us. Yeah, right, Hara?”

“Definitely, dong, Mbak. If Aryo mas and Akmal dares to hurt you, I install the front body. I will not let anyone survive, because I have dared to make my beautiful brothers hurt.”

“Wah, wow! We have to be careful, Yo. There's a new bodyguard of our wives here, apparently.”

The three of us turned to the source of the sound. Mas Akmal and mas Aryo were walking towards us while folding their hands in front of the chest. I was about to stand up, but two small hands suddenly wrapped around my right and left arms. Madam Nadia and mbak Nabila squeezed me, so I could not move a bit.

“Don't mess with you guys, we have a mainstay whiz now.” Nadia Ketus.

“This danger, Mas Akmal. Two against three obviously we are outnumbered, Mas!”

“Not three, Yo. Four, huh! Even more unrivalled, Yo.” mas Akmal pointed at Haifa who remained soundly in the cradle.

We all chuckled, just as Naufal and two sons Aryo Hasan and Husain ran out of the door. They go towards their mothers.

“Add team, Yo. We've lost since the beginning.” Akmal mas yell interrupted gelak.

"Weight, Mas. Heavy!" Mas Aryo.

"It's heavier, Bi!" Nadia's mother offered Haifa to her father. With the intention that Aryo mas dressingan carrying his little daughter.

The sound from inside the house has changed. From the murmurs, it had now become almost deserted. Just the sound of the clang of the spoon clashing with the plate. The do’a event together must have been finished, now the guests are enjoying the banquet.

If only I had not decided to come to this place, I might not have found the warmth I am today. Maybe I'll never feel how to have a place called family. Maybe I won't find a reason why I should wake up after I go to bed, because I have people I want to meet happy.

That night we talked until late at night. I, Akmal mas and Aryo mas continued the conversation until almost morning. As morning approached, all of us without exception, went to visit my mother's place. I had to gulp saliva many times as Akmal led do’a in front of the navel and everyone guaranteed, except me.

‘Mama .. whether after receiving a shipment do’a from them, mama already does not need do’a from me? Does mom not miss me anymore, after getting do’a from other mama's children? Mama .. Hara wants to be able to one amen with them, but can not because we are not as faith.’

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Seriate....