Tidying Up Asa, Inviting Hidayah

49. Sent Home.

...🌹One thing that is too difficult is to tell others about my situation.🌹...

Little dots of water faithfully descended from the sky. There has been no sign of stopping, but since the afternoon heavy rain has flushed the earth. The asphalt road was still wet with rainwater, resulting in a small splash as the vehicle passed by quickly.

I crouched down while chanting do’a, lowering my face with both hands closing my ears. Ignoring the sound of heart-wrenching moans and helping out asking for help who came back as if real in front.

In memory, people's gazes were on me. Screams, moans, hysterical screams full of frustration. Then the fresh blood flowed from the stabbing of the sharp object, the limpid weak body without having a chance to say a word.

It was like everything was circling around me. Memories of past events are present again, even though it is as powerful as I want to forget it.

The roar of hunting breath, many times I called the name of Alloh so that the pieces of the incident disappeared from memory. Convince yourself that all that has passed, but the shadow is still faithfully haunting.

“Why you?”

“Do not approach! I beg you not to approach me!”

I shouted in a high tone, because I felt Mr. Hara bowing in front of me.

“Yes! You why?”

“Please, don't approach me!” I had to snap at him, because Mr. Hara was getting closer.

If I were to smell that scent again, I would definitely not be able to withstand the turmoil. If I had just fainted, it could have been worse this time. Because my body is very weak.

“Ok!” from the tail of the eye, I saw Mr. Hara take a few steps back, “you just get in the car. Drizzle seems to be getting busier, you can get wet.”

I raised my head, feeling the drizzle wetting my face. My hand felt the body of the car, trying to stand by holding on because my forehead felt dizzy. Pull the door handle and open it quickly.

Once I was sitting in the car, I looked for a small plastic bag containing jasmine flowers given Mbak Nabila. My eyes are watchful with hands fumbling around to look. Turns out the stuff was down, near spicy gas.

Immediately I took a handful of jasmine flowers, then inhaled them deeply. Closing the eyes, sending the soothing fragrance into the nerves of the brain. Trying to restore the roar of breath chasing, like running fast around the field.

What is it with my body exactly? The reaction that arises from smelling that annoying aroma is now increasingly becoming, as I remember it was not this severe. Is it possible because I've met so many people? Or because I rarely smell perfume mixed with stinging alcohol?

I throw my back on the back of the car seat, when I can breathe one by one. Squeezing jasmine flowers with both hands grasping each other to relieve tremors.

Yeah, Alloh! If this is Your way that I will always remember the sins and mistakes of the past, I sincerely live them. However, if this situation can end .. please show me how I can end it.

Back I smell the fragrance of jasmine flowers, so that calm surrounds. Slowly the tremors in the hands began to subside and I was able to control the mind. Closing his eyes for a moment, glancing out the window. It seems like the drizzle is getting busier, the rain is small but tight.

I took a heavy breath, when the eyes saw the reflection of Mr. Hara's face from the rearview mirror. He stood leaning against the car tub while smoking. Seemed very calm, like not thinking about anything.

Yeah, Alloh! I've been letting him stand under the drizzle ever since.

Without taking off the hands that held each other, I turned my head from the window. Calling Mr. Hara to get in the car, “we can walk now, Mr.”

Mr. Hara circled the car, then entered without turning off his cigarette. He lowered the window, before closing the door. Then start the machine with one hand shuffling the hair that looks very wet. He opened the jacket, folded it, then put it on his lap. It must have been because it had been standing under the drizzle for too long, until his hair and jacket got wet.

“I'm sorry.”

Mr. Hara drove out the car while smoking a cigarette. White smoke billowed over the car as he said without looking at me, “you want to drink?”

I nodded, turning my gaze outwards through the side window, “it looks like I need coffee.”

For a few moments, we kept quiet. I don't know what's going on in Mr. Hara's mind, and to start talking is awkward. After all day I made it very difficult.

Only the sound of hissing, thumping and then coughing combined with the sound of the car engine. Become a deserted expeller decoration. Until Pak Hara threw away the cigarette butts that had been short.

Without shifting the focus from the highway, he asked me, “you have the same problem I?”

Instantly I cut my eyes off from staring out the window.

Looking at Mr. Hara who is still continuing to say, “this is the third time it happened, you were scared while being with me. The first one I thought was because you were afraid of blood, the second one .. this afternoon, I think because you were still carried away feeling sad after Ghufron died. What just happened, confirmed that you are afraid of me.”

I took a deep breath, straightened up while looking forward, “I am not afraid of the same father.”

“Then? You why? Can explain to me, so that I do not guess.”

“Before I explain, I want to ask .. I ask Mr. Hara to answer honestly.”

“About?”

“At all our meetings, the first, the second ... was this afternoon, and just now. Did Mr Hara drink alcohol?”

Hara looked quickly at me. Just a glance, then he refocused on the highway.

“What connection between me drinking alcohol with you fear?”

“Because I am afraid of the smell of alcohol and perfumes men.”

It's hard for me to say that sentence, but Mr. Hara doesn't seem to believe it. He was seen covering his mouth with the back of a clenched hand, probably holding back a laugh.

“Pak Hara laughs?” I tilted my head, wanting to see the expression of the man beside me, but he instead threw his face to the side while thinning his lips. He laughed at my honesty. Did he know just to say that line of words alone, I had to endure the uncomfortable feeling?

"I have a trauma, um ... precisely a phobia, to the smell of male perfume and alcohol."

“Pak Hara must have felt my trauma was strange. Indeed, for most women the scent of the stinging male perfume is alluring. But for me scary.” obviously I with a tone full of disappointment. It seems I don't have to tell Mr. Hara my true circumstances. After all, he wouldn't understand my feelings.

“I just heard you had such trauma? Since when?”

“I don't want to tell, later sir Hara will just laugh at me again.”

“Ck!” mr. Hara clicked and then took a breath.

He didn't say anything else, until I realized the car was moving. Mr. Hara turned the steering wheel, turned to the vehicle's refueling station located on a different track from the direction of the return road.

Just now I was about to open my mouth to protest, because he stopped the car just like that in the minimarket parking lot in the SPBU area. Mr. Hara has already spoken while taking something from the dashboard, “wait here! Don't go anywhere!”

Where can I go? Is he worried that I'm gonna take this car away? Then why did he stop here? He didn't forget that I had to get home soon, did he?

I took my phone out of the bag, looked at the timer without unlocking the screen. At 22:20 and I was still away from home. How will I explain to Mbak Sayumi or Pakde Teguh later? I'm usually in my room at this hour. I hope no one reports to my dad and mom about me coming home late tonight.

Just as my phone fell, suddenly Hara held out two bottles of drink from the car window. One bottle contains mineral water with a famous brand, another cold coffee drink. I accepted both of them without asking much. After that Mr. Hara left again, seen him heading towards the toilet.

As I weighed which bottle I was going to open first, I finally decided to unseal on the lid of the cold coffee bottle. Drinking a little, then smelling the aroma of coffee made my mind a little calmer. Killing time by playing a cell phone while waiting for Hara who is somehow doing what.

I waited long enough for him to show up in clothes that made me want to laugh. Mr. Hara wears a koko shirt that fits perfectly on his body, tends to be small. It was because the clothes were not his.

“Pak Hara who's clothes on?”

Instead of answering, but Mr. Hara instead returned the question to me, “why? I don't deserve to wear a shirt like this?”

“Not pantes, anyway. Only Mr. Hara is like tormented wearing that shirt, small it.”

“Forced. Than you fainted again because of the smell of my perfume.” said Mr. Hara while putting shoes in a plastic bag that I guess already contains his clothes. Then he threw the plastic bag into the car.

“Originally you know, the smell is not perfume, but deodorant that I wear directly on the body. I can't even change my clothes. So I had to take a shower, let the deodorant smell disappear.”

I stared in disbelief at Mr. Hara. Relaxedly, like without a burden, he unwrapped the gum and ate it. A moment later he drove the car slowly out of the SPBU area. The drizzle is getting heavier, over time it becomes a big rain. I had to close the glass so that the water wouldn't get in and wet the car. Luckily, the smell was no longer smelled, so I didn't have to worry.

However, I feel bad about Mr. Hara. Again he was troubled for me. He shouldn't have to take a shower, change his clothes and eat gum so that the annoying scent goes away. If only I hadn't told you about my true circumstances.

“Sorry. Because of me, Mr. Hara so bothered again.” I said softly with a sorry tone.

“Since when?” again sir Hara returned the question, “how did you experience that trauma? It doesn't matter if you don't want a story, but if it has anything to do with me.. I'm entitled to know.”

I took a deep breath, inwardly confirming Mr. Hara's words. He has every right to know the cause of my trauma. She must have wanted to know, why my body only reacted when it was around her. If you are close to someone else, nothing happens.

“I will tell you, but I ask Mr. Hara to promise to save my own story. Others don't need to know.”

"I've only realized I have this phobia since I went to college. It used to be not this bad, probably because I rarely smelled a scent similar to what happened when I was in High School."

I had to gather up courage, tell about the events that happened in the past. If previously only Ghufron and Aina knew, now I decided to share the story with Mr. Hara. I don't know where the urge is, but I feel comfortable telling her.

“What happens next?” ask Mr. Hara after I finish the story.

“I don't know where he got the scissors. I was late preventing him from stabbing his own stomach. Just as the attendant came, he fell with a torn stomach and fresh blood flowing.”

“He killed himself?” mr. Hara asked while frowning.

I nodded confirming, “if only the distance from the campground with the hospital was close, maybe his life was still helped. Because I ... she was raped to suicide.”

“The robber how?”

“They are still fugitives. The police could not find them anywhere. They are not a slippery syndicate. The police should be able to quickly arrest them, but they just like lost swallowed by the earth.”

I don't know who owns the foundation where my school is located. The incident has injured his youngest son and nephew, it is certain that the parents of Kak Varen will not stay silent. Those evil people, even if they hide in the pit of ants, will definitely be found.

I had heard the news that those people had been destroyed by the parents of Mr. Varen. I don't know what happened to them, until his body was not found.

That night I felt like I could breathe with relief. Maybe because it has told me about the event that stifles the chest, as well as being the cause I have a phobia of the smell of male perfume mixed with pungent alcohol.

Heavy rain accompanied the entire journey. Arriving home, Pakde Teguh and mbak Sayumi were waiting with a worried look. Mr. Hara explained to Pakde Teguh about me coming home at night and being escorted by him. As he promised me, he only said if I fainted from hunger mixed with sadness. Didn't tell anyone about the thing I just told you.

Mr. Hara left the house, after making sure I was safe with Mr. Sayumi and Pakde Teguh. I am very grateful, if only he had not explained, Mr. Teguh would have been very angry with me. Because only this time I came home late, without giving any news before.

At midnight, I went into my room. Given the many things I experienced today, it made me very tired. I threw my body on the bed, staring at the ceiling.

A glimpse of the face of Ghufron is present in memory. Made me reach into the bag, to pick up a piece of paper that was the reason I experienced an unexpected event today.

I read once again his first and last letter. I put the paper on my chest, with teary eyes, but my lips held a smile.

'What are you doing there, Mom? Are you waiting for me at the crossroads of heaven? Is it possible that Allah will be together forever in heaven, Mas? Because we are not destined to be a match in the world.'

'Are we really not fools? If the soul mate is not necessarily married, while the married one is not necessarily with his soul mate?'

When I was sure you were my soul mate, then Alloh took you quickly. When the buds in the heart are beginning to develop.

Now I can only be a rock that must be ready to accept the destiny line that has been Alloh scenariookan.

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Note :

The final part of this chapter, inspired by the song 'Orkes sopo ngiro by Wirama jati project' titled Prapatan suargo

Hello friends, sorry to say hello again😁

Thank God one by one writing class that I participated in was completed, there are still 2 more classes that only began this mid-month. As long as I can continue this story, can you wait, right? still dong, huh?😁

Oya, insyaalloh there is one story that is in the process of going up in print. If anyone is willing to ask can follow the information on my fb or ig, yes. already know, right where?

Yes, Fb equals ig I the same name: Desi desma

Greetings dear😁

Uh, one more missed. Sorry thousands sorry, there are some gc entry requests that I have not received. It should be a concern, that I do not accept gc member men2😁

iihh mbak des gt.

dong, yes. Indeed the initial rules of gc so, so if anyone feels women knock on the door gc and blm I ACC may be krna use the name of the man2😁

can be confirmed yes, dinote : my female gt😁

thanks for understanding.😁