Tidying Up Asa, Inviting Hidayah

108. When the Heart Speaks

🌹If the heart has spoken, then the attitude cannot be controlled by logic🌹

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I actually prefer online shopping than having to come directly to the store. Because the time to go in and out of the store to get the goods that are in accordance with the request of Brother Neesha, I can use it to sleep. However, of course I cannot refuse my dear brother's request.

I had to be willing to endure the tiredness and hunger after college. Buying the needs of the nursery with Mr. Hara, turned out to be very emotionally draining. Not only because he did not know much about the items to be purchased, but also because many times we were mistaken for a couple who were preparing for the birth of a baby. So annoying.

Hearing the words of the store clerk who thought I was pregnant, was very disturbing. Does my body look so fat that it looks like a pregnant person? How annoying! Caused my shopping mood to disappear already.

Thank God Mr. Hara did not force to continue shopping, after knowing my spirit was lost. He offered to rest, eat, then move to a shopping place. However, because it was late afternoon I chose to perform asar prayer first. Worrying will pass the time, if not immediately salat. Perhaps after the prayer, my mood and mind had improved.

I got a phone call from Nalini, when I just finished praying. He gave word that this weekend will be held tasyakuran cafe opening. Not surprising news for me, because previously Mas Akbar had sent a short message about it. Talking about the cafe always makes my heart ache. Gotta give up a wish about a future I've built with someone. It has now become a reality belonging to someone else. What power we can only plan without being able to control destiny.

When I got back from musola, I had to face another unpleasant reality. At this place where Mr. Hara and I separated before the prayer, he was chatting with a tall woman who was at least, with a violin-like body shape. They looked very familiar, even though I only saw from a distance. A moment later Mr. Hara left, they stepped together with the woman holding a friendly and even spoiled in the arms of Mr. Hara. Who's the lady? Mr Hara's girlfriend, is it? Seems like.

I don't know what force is pushing my feet to follow them. A few seconds later, my phone shook. Without stopping I immediately picked it up, a message came in, the name of the Whiteboard listed on the top row of chat. I opened and read a series of simple sentences, but was able to make tightness in the chest was slow.

I moved to wait in the food court, if you're done later, just follow.

I kept following Mr. Hara and the woman. They went right to the food court, ordered food, and sat side by side, just like two lovebirds sharing love. Mr. Hara seemed very considerate and affectionate to the woman. Just a few minutes I watched them, the interaction between the two made me uncomfortable.

For a long time I felt something stir in there, there was a rumble in the chest that was not heard by the ears, no idea what feeling. It's like being angry and upset that I can't say. Forcing the legs to step away to neutralize a heartbeat that is too tight to pump blood.

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Although the fingers felt stiff and cold sweat soaked the palms, I was forced to send a short message to Mr. Hara. I knew he was having a good time with his girlfriend, but I felt I had to tell him. Whether it is important or not for him.

My chest is getting crowded, the crowd of department store visitors is increasingly making it difficult for me to breathe oxygen. I paused for a moment, with trembling hands I opened the app to order a taxi online. However, just as the app opened, there was a phone call. I had to breathe out repeatedly, before lifting it up.

Mr. Hara's voice was heard hunting from across the phone. Like the chat he sent me, telling me to follow up to the food court. Why call, anyway? Can't he just let me go home quietly by myself? I want to be alone and need to calm down for now.

I can only say I want to go home soon. It is impossible to tell about the inner turmoil that suddenly struck, while I do not know for sure the cause.

It's not Mr. Hara if I believe my reasons just like that. He asked me not to hang up and wait for him to come. However, I was too stubborn to follow his orders. I just want to be alone, without being bothered by anyone with any questions.

I exhaled violently to relieve the agonizing tightness, when the exit was already visible in plain sight. However, just about to step through the door, someone blocked my wrist firmly. I turned my head while pulling my hand, but the grip just got stronger. So I had to use the other hand to take it off, to no avail.

Mr. Hara pulled my hand, forcing me to turn around and follow in her footsteps. His grip moved from wrist to palm, so tight that it felt like my fingers were almost broken. Many times I tried to let go, but he just tightened the grip. Until I finally resigned, stumbling following the long footsteps of the man.

I looked at Mr. Hara's face from the side, as we were in an elevator filled with only a few people. Then my eyes shifted to our hands. Shame and bad taste join hands in an elevator like this.

I slowly took off his hand. She reflexively turned her head while tightening the grip, as I pulled my hand.

Mr. Hara loosened the check, letting my hand slip out of his grasp. It made me breathe a sigh of relief while rubbing my wrists and fingers in pain, just as I felt in my heart.

Mr. Hara looked back to the front without saying anything. Until the elevator door opened in the basement she grabbed my hand again, this time the grip was not too tight. Just a little forcing me to follow in his footsteps, I guess he must have taken me to the car park.

“Shitt!” sumpat Pak Hara when opening the passenger car door. Like something made him angry.

I was surprised, was the word swearing directed at me? Because it was just me and him here, but he didn't look at me as he cursed. Then for whom is that rude phrase.

“Come in! Wait here, don't go anywhere! I take groceries first, just briefly.” command opens wider car door.

I wanted to refuse, but Mr. Hara's angry face with hardened jaw forced me to obey. I threw my back as soon as he closed the car door, and then there was the sound of the door being locked. Yes Alloh! It turns out that Mr. Hara locked me up. Is he worried that I'm leaving?

I can still see Mr. Hara walking through a row of parked cars. The sturdy back slowly moved away, heading towards the elevator. However, he suddenly stopped before reaching the end of the passageway. Mr. Hara appeared to cross paths with a woman, then they appeared to have a serious conversation.

I know that woman is the same person I saw in the food court. He handed things over to Mr. Hara, while inexplicably talking about what. Probably continuing their disconnected chatter because Mr. Hara was looking for me earlier.

My eyes can't escape staring at those two lovebirds. Their familiarity and closeness allowed me to see the other side of Mr. Hara. He who looks cute, cold, impressed fierce even stiff like a blackboard, it turns out to be as soft and sweet as that with a woman. It must have been a very special woman for Mr. Hara, so it was treated very well.

I pulled a little corner of the lip, astonished! May my mind wander to the personal realm of others. What business am I having with them? However, why does it feel like not to like, yes, to see them chat for so long? Uh! It seems I'm envious, probably because Mr. Hara hasn't been nice to me all this time. Or it was precisely because lately she had been quite considerate of me, so I was envious when there were others she noticed.

I exhaled again a rough breath. Just about to disconnect the view, but these eyes seem difficult to distract. Such is the nature of women, always curious, although not her business even once. Even if it makes it painful, the curiosity that is urgent must be satisfied.

Next tightness in the chest that was almost gone, is now back present. I saw the woman hugging Mr. Hara's waist tightly, even if only for a moment. Then Mr. Hara, who only saw his back lowered, kissed the woman's left-right cheek and ruffled her hair. Maybe that's how they say goodbye. Somehow the pain felt in there, like pierced sharp pain. Without feeling the clear liquid dripping from the eye patch, sliding into the cheek just like that. What's the matter? Why am I suddenly crying?

Immediately I wiped my face, although tears still continued to urge to come out. Nope, no! How come I'm being such a crybaby, anyway? Why is it that just seeing such a friendly scene I can cry? Basic me!

I did not have time to take tissue, the tip of the hijab was used to wipe away tears. From behind came the sound of Mr. Hara opening the trunk and arranging the goods. I should be able to stop crying, before Mr. Hara gets in the car. However, this pain does not go away, causing tears to reluctantly stop dripping. Is this what the heart feels, will defeat the way of logic? I hope Mr. Hara doesn't know and doesn't want to know why I'm crying, because I don't want to answer any questions right now. If he stays quiet, that's better. So I don't have to explain anything to her.

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Be connected....

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Hi guys! Yesterday who guessed Jenar was jealous? It's true, loh. Women do tend to have envy and jealousy, although they do not have a special bond. Uh, since it's the beginning of the month, can I have a vote and a present? Can't do it, huh? Yeah, already, hehe. Have a nice day friends .......