Tidying Up Asa, Inviting Hidayah

61. Shame is Not Because I Want to

🌹 Good women are the ones who can keep the attitude, when being alone or if being with others🌹

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Since childhood father and mother always teach how there is a Javanese woman in attitude. Father comes from a noble family, although it is a descendant of umpteenth; but still attach Javanese culture in everyday life. Mother who grew up in a rural environment also wants her children to grow as Javanese children. Wong jowo ojo nganti ilang jawane (the Javanese do not lose their champion), so often mother said.

I'm used to keeping my attitude in front of other people, especially men. Just like mom and dad taught, it's also like I learned in the pesantren. However, I had unknowingly made a huge mistake that made me look like an unethical woman.

I should have balked when Mr. Hara offered me a ride, but the bad taste made me take it. Especially when Mr. Hara was willing to wait for hours until I finished praying. Again, it makes me feel bad. Intentions want to pay his good intentions by buying lunch, still Mr. Hara who paid for it. He said he was anti-eating by women, really pretentious, huh? Weigh the cost of eating no more than 30 thousand only, use ribet. Again and again, I felt bad to refuse.

After eating a lotto, Mr. Hara drove me home. I can't remember exactly when the drowsiness began to strike until it fell asleep throughout the journey. Though already anticipated by drinking bitter coffee, but drowsiness is still unbearable. It's usually like that when my phobias come. With too much exertion to overcome fear and panic, my body became very weak. Plus a full stomach after eating a lotus, supports a sense of comfort to sleep.

I woke up hearing a noise from outside. It was already noon, visible from the light and heat of the sun coming in from the window. My eyes narrowed, looking at the wall clock that reflected the glare of sunlight. At 10:04 it deserves a noise from the outside, definitely coming from people doing renovation work.

I scanned myself, still wearing the same clothes as yesterday. Quickly the body feels sticky and sultry. I raised both hands, wriggling until the muscles felt stretched.

“Sugeng noon, Ndoro princess! (Good day, Princess!)” Sayumi went into the room with a glass of warm water. The tone of voice in the next speech, managed to make me embarrassed, “prawan yahmene again tangi, ora isin karo babon sing wis sobo kebon?” (Children at this hour just woke up, is it not ashamed of the same mother chicken who has been foraging in the garden?)

“Mbak Sayumi didn't wake me up, anyway. So missed the dawn prayer, right?” gertutuku while removing the hijab and handsock.

“Welha! Cang-kem nganti garing le guggah, ora tangi-tangi, really. Ora ming late morning prayers, Ma'am. Maghrib ro isya’ Mbak Jenar iseh anteng ae bobok, (My mouth is dry awake, not awake. It's not just late morning prayers, ma'am. Magrib and isya’ also Mbak Jenar still sleeps soundly.)” replied Mbak Sayumi with a more grumbling tone.

I kept quiet while twisting the memory of yesterday's incident. However, my memory only got into Mr. Hara's car, after which I did not know how I could get to this room. I slept, maybe half unconscious until I didn't realize what I had experienced yesterday.

“Which brings me home, Ma'am?” I asked after sipping a glass of warm water given by Mbak Sayumi.

“Who else if not juragane sarkem.” replied Ma'am Sayumi.

I saw Ma'am Sayumi. He closed his mouth while muttering indistinctly, when I was just about to ask what the answer meant. However, Madam Sayumi had already explained as if she knew what I was thinking.

“Forgotten if mbak Jenar is still innocent, do not know what a sarcophagus is. The one between sampeyan (you) go home, yes, Mas Pak Hara.”

“Pak Hara nganter me home at what time, Mbak?” I asked because I completely forgot when I got home and entered the room.

“Aheading maghrib. Me and Irkham woke up Jenar Mbak very difficult, finally Pak Hara had to carry until here,”, said Mbak Sayumi while pointing at the bed with his index finger.

My reflection is rounded after hearing the explanation Ma'am Sayumi. Sleeping so hard to wake up with a foreign man, what a shame. Must be carried from the car to the room anyway, not very nice. If father and mother knew, could get a lecture seven days and seven nights.

“Jane sampeyan ki bobok po semaput, to?” mak Sayumi asked with a probing glance. (Actually you slept or fainted, anyway?)

I did not answer, instead covering my face with both palms. It was a shame to think about what happened yesterday. Already driven home, treated to food, sleep during the trip, still to be carried up to the room by Mr. Hara. I suddenly felt like the most shameless girl in the world.

What if I meet Mr Hara? I don't think I'll be able to show her my face. May we not meet anytime soon, so that I can overcome this shame first.

But destiny says something else. In the afternoon when I got home from campus, I saw Mr. Hara's car parked in the backyard. The easiest access to enter this house is indeed from behind which is located on the side of the road. Meanwhile, if you go through the main door, you have to turn your way through the village. Therefore, I also prefer to enter through the back door rather than the front door. One thing I regret this time, I should have just passed the front door, so there is no need to meet with Mr. Hara.

Already already, besides the rain is very heavy, it is impossible to take a detour further. My clothes are soaking wet, I need to clean up.

I did not intentionally say hello when passing in front of Mr. Hara and the workers. Ashar's time is running out, I have to pray immediately. I thought later after the new prayer to see Mr. Hara to say thank you. However, Mr. Hara and the others had already left when I finished praying. The rain was gradually winding down, they definitely wanted to go home quickly. The intention of thanking must be delayed.

***

Today is the weekend. I don't have a college schedule, so I can relax at home. I see that Mr. Hara has come since the morning, said Ms. Sayumi has been used every weekend. It's a good time to thank him. I had to find a gap so as not to disturb him, because he seemed to be very busy.

“People are busy, Ma'am. Even bother later if suddenly I chat.” I replied with an occasional glance at Mr. Hara who was sitting in the gazebo with a stack of paper and a laptop lit up in front of him.

“If you are not busy, you will hunt back home again the person, Mbak.” said Mbak Sayumi.

“Indeed he usually goes home at what time of the weekend like this, Ma'am?” ask me to make sure I don't lose another chance.

“Not sure, anyway. Usually, when it is finished with the papers, Mr. Hara went straight home.” replied Ms Sayumi.

I was just about to ask Ms. Sayumi again, but the sound of the roar of the car coming into the yard managed to distract her. A very famous green jeep. Brief message Lion brother the other day was not kidding apparently. He actually came, but I did not reply to the chat from him.

Lion dropped a lot of things off the car. I asked Mama Sayumi to help him. Although actually reluctant, but guests who come should still be welcomed. Moreover, he has come all the way from Wonosobo.

I approached after estimating that Brother Lion finished unloading the goods from the car. He had always been like this, coming with many items as a hand.

“Hai, Jen!” exclaimed Lion as soon as he saw me.

“Assalamu’alaikum, Sis? How are you?” greet me in a satirical tone because Brother Lion did not say hello first.

“Wa’alaikum greetings. Good news, how are you?” Replied Brother Lion, as well as throw back the question.

“Alhamdulillah I am healthy. Sister alone?” ask pleasantries. I knew she was always alone everywhere.

Brother Lion nodded. I will not let Brother Lion into the house, for there is no mahrom. It is not worth a girl to bring in a man who is not her mahrom into a lonely house. There are a lot of messy things because they are being renovated.

“Where will I sit? I made you a drink, huh?” I asked, while giving my eyes in all directions.

“There alone, Jen!” Brother Lion pointed at the gazebo where Pak Hara was sitting.

I nodded, inwardly thanking her for choosing that place. It means that I and Brother Lion do not need to sit alone. At least there are others among us, so there is no slander.

Brother Lion walked ahead of me. He approached Mr. Hara and immediately invited a conversation. Brother Lion is easily familiar with anyone, his carrier was relaxed. It was only fitting that he had many friends and colleagues everywhere.

I rushed into the house, asking Sister Sayumi to make a drink. Actually, I just want to buy time, because I am not ready to meet with Brother Lion who several days often call and send chat. He said he wanted to comfort me, after Mas Ghufron died. However, his demeanor looked like that of a man who wanted to get close to the woman he liked. Honestly, it scared me because I was not ready to have a relationship with a man anymore. Especially if it's Brother Lion.

"Mbak Say! make a drink for the guests!" I cried out when I got to the kitchen. Making Mba Sayumi who was pouring hot water surprised, fortunately not spilled. I can be ashamed again if it makes Mba Sayumi a hot water spill, shame mixed guilt.

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Hi guys!

*Sorry, just say hello again, hehe. Qodarulloh I celebrated the day of fever in Indonesia yesterday and do not know the recovery period is very long. Until yesterday it was just like a hard man. Difficult to eat, sleep, the innate want to melt 😂 (Padalah only males, anyway.) Alhamdulillah gradually recovered, hopefully all healthy always, yes. Next part when? Surprise, from 😊*