The Malang Widow

Giving Birth to Yourself

"Other Flowers....How troublesome you are.mana pregnant big, her children are small, divorced with her husband as well.." said a neighbor when I passed him about to go to the stall.

I just smiled at those who were busy gathering and gossiping.

"Oh, she's the one, where her mother died... It must be because of thinking about him too." said one of my other neighbors.

"Yes, it's his own fault most of the behavior... The one who was divorced, uh now divorced again, it would mean that he was not real." the voice of one of the people who was gossiping was heard in my ear.

I also took a long breath. I strengthen my heart to go back through them even with the weight of my heart. My eyes focused on the road ignoring those who were busy talking about me.

"Umi why cry? must be the same umi kangen eyang uti huh? what's the same kangen abi?" asked Uwais as I was just entering the house.

"Dear, umi kangen is the same as eyang uti." I answered while wiping my tears.

"Kog is abi not?"

"Yes the same abi..."

"Why don't we meet abi aja um anyway??" whining himself.

"Kan Abi is far away in Jakarta, where can we meet.." said I in a soft tone.

"Well, let's go there..."

"Umi can not drive far away anymore, son, will the grandpa in the abdomen earth soon born.." said me while stroking my stomach that has been very bloated.

"Dedek...what does Dedek miss abi???" his chattering while rubbing my stomach.

I smiled when I saw her behavior. Umar has now begun to walk in a limp. Slowly he began to be able to approach me with some babbling that sometimes I do not understand what the maximum is.

****

That night I felt my stomach contract. I'm looking at the wall clock at 01:00 in the morning. I took a deep breath trying to hold back the contractions that I thought were false contractions.

I tried to close my eyes for a moment, but somehow the sense of contraction was getting louder to make my breath as if suffocating in a huff. I also learned how I wanted to call my sister for help.

But unfortunately, my salary battery ran out after being used for a video call with Deri earlier and forgot me to charge it. I was taken to the hospital, but I looked at my two children who were still asleep, there was no way I could leave them without me.

"Pyohs...Shur..." suddenly the sound of water breaking when I stood in front of the door while intending to go to the hospital.

My panic at that time made me no longer have time to think what I should do. Immediately I went back to lying on the bed considering I knew this was a danger to my fetus if I continued to stand.

I lay with my stomach growing stronger and contracting. I wanted to scream, hoping someone would come to my aid at this time. But my breath was not enough to produce a sound that others might be able to hear.

Instantly I touched the bottom of my stomach. Looks like signs of a complete opening have happened to me. The labor phase will be passed by me soon. My heart is getting anxious and messed up. Sweat so profusely soaked all over my face that was holding back my incredible pain.

Oh Allah... I take refuge in you... Give me some help... To us who are weak... Save me and my baby, God... I'm begging... Save me.... My prayer I chanted at that moment while rubbing my stomach which has been producing pain and almost stopped my breath.

My growing stomach tightened instantly pushing me to push. Although I realize I am currently at home, but there is no time for me not to give birth to my baby alone even without the help of anyone.

The condition is getting urgent, amniotic water mixed with blood mucus began to pour and no longer allow me to scream for help. Now in my mind just thinking how I can get my baby out safely.

"Arrghhhh.." My groan tried to push to pull out the head of my baby who had peeked at the top.

"Arrrggghhhh" I repeated my groans as hard as I could.

I took a deep breath while panting. I gather my strength back so I can push this baby's head out of my womb.

"Arrghhhh Allohuakbar....Allohuakbar.." My groans with my takbir I cast for the sake of my strength to push.

"Oek....Oh.co...." The sound of my baby came from my ears.

I grabbed his body that was still covered in blood mucus and the umbilical cord that still hung on his stomach.

My hands trembled touching her, I slowly lifted up her body and I placed it on my chest. Instantly I grabbed a blanket beside me to cover his body so as not to get cold.

Alhamdulillah... You were born healthy, son...Strong, dear...Strong yeah... My whisper was clutching my baby with a warm smile even though my heart was in a flogging anxiety.

I tried to put her in my chest. Slowly he began to reflect on his search for *****dairy, like a newborn as usual.

Instantly I looked at the faces of my two children who were sleeping beside me who were covered in this childbirth dirt. Luckily they were not the least bit bothered by the sound of the baby and my moans earlier.

Soon I felt my stomach contract again. I set my breath back slowly to prepare my strength back. This time my uterus was torn apart and it was in excruciating pain. In my heart I can only say dhikr and pray that I will not have bleeding that will threaten my life.

For a moment I looked back down at my stomach. I found a lump of meat coming out of my birth canal. It was the placenta of my baby. Now complete is this labor process.

My breath feels more and more claustrophobic. My body began to feel so weak, slow, and soft. My eyes began to twitch.

"Permy....Umi why??" suddenly the voice of Uwais screeched at the atmosphere that night.

"Uwais, please get me some water, son....Please umi son." I whispered in a tone whose voice almost disappeared.

"Permy... Uwais is scared of umi.umi all right, right??" asked Uwais who was starting to panic looking at me with my bloodstained state.

"Hurry son... Bring me some water to drink." I returned the tone of my weak voice begging him.

"Good um...Wait a minute." said Uwais while limping towards the kitchen room to get a glass of drinking water for me.

"It's umi.." She immediately handed me a glass of water.

I grabbed the glass with my hands still trembling. I drank the water slowly to quench my thirst. My body strength recovered.

I rearranged my breath to be able to awaken my condition that almost felt like dying that very night.

"Uwais can sleep again, son... Don't mind umi." I whispered again to him who was looking at me with a look of fear.

"Yes umi." said the man who then continued his sleep because he still felt a tremendous sleepiness even though several times my baby was heard crying.

Trudgingly, I slowly tried to clear myself of some of the dirt I was producing due to my labor.

Before long I heard the voice of Adhan Fajr reverberating the morning omen had come. My heart felt a little relieved, although I had to continue to hold my baby in a state of uncut umbilical cord.