The Malang Widow

He's reneging

A week after Deri's return, I was still chatting with her. Until one day until two weeks passed, he really could not call. There was no reply to my chat at all, even the phone number was not active when I called. I was so worried about it. My gut starts to say that something's wrong with Deri. It felt like I wanted to follow him there, but at that time it was not possible, because I was still an employee at the hospital where I worked, and it was not that easy to take leave. Anyway, if I go home, I don't know where Deri's home address is. It was so sad that my heart was made, I stepped to and fro my feet as my hands were incessantly holding my gaze and went back and forth to check if there was a message coming from Deri

"Hoek.." Suddenly my stomach was very nauseous and my head was dizzy. I stared at all the things that were in this house almost all there were two shadows that made me more and more confused.

I rushed to the bathroom to vomit my stomach. But not so much came out, just some water. This nausea continues I feel until I have to lie down for a moment on my bed to relieve my headache.

Instantly I realized that for almost two months I was not getting my period. Worried about my heart, I really worry if I'm really pregnant.

"How's this? what if I'm pregnant.. plisss don't" I whispered alone while hugging my pillow tightly.

In the afternoon after I got home from work, I took the time to go to the pharmacy to buy a testpack. A curious heart about me made me have to know this immediately.

I put my urine in a small plastic container, and I dipped a testpack that I had bought earlier. Two red lines are clearly visible on the testpack's trunk. I who stood limp fell to the bathroom floor. Regretting but like useless, plus Deri who has not been contacted for a long time makes me more anxious not because.

"Oh Allah.forgive me.." I murmured in a heart without tears of remorse.

"Kring..kring.." suddenly the sound of my Hp was heard making me immediately wipe my tears and immediately pick them up in limp.

I saw Deri's name on my phone call.

"Alhamdulillah" I was relieved as I received a call from him. There was a glimmer of my hope in him, and I wanted to get this news out to him immediately.

"Hello Deri dear where have you been? why is it so hard to contact yesterday, don't you miss me?" manya irritated.

"There's something I want to say to you" he said as if there was something serious he wanted to talk about.

"Well probably about our wedding plans" I murmured inwardly as I smiled expectantly.

"I have my parents' permission about our marriage, but unfortunately they don't agree with our relationship"., he said to me, who momentarily made me lay my body on the bed limp.

"So?" my question was brief with a glazed look.

"Yes, we have to forget our wedding plans, without my parents' blessing, I can't" she explained.

"But Deri, can't you fight me?" I asked expectantly.

"Although after you've fucked me?" I also get upset.

"Well, you're talking about that? you should forget, after all, you yourself kog who gave up on myself with me for free, so yes don't you demand me, besides your status is also a widow, nothing is in trouble right, no, unless you're a virgin!" the light of him was a little harsh which made me even more emotional and broke my cries instantly.

"You can easily give your body to me, meaning you will also be easy to love others too!" ketus he again that makes my tears flow more rapidly can no longer hear it.

"Why your words today are so different from when you seduced me to want you to tarnish that night, you are always fondling me with a marriage that turns out to be pseudo, oh... tenyata is just a mere mode so that you can enjoy my body for free apparently" murmured me inwardly unable to say any more to him.

"Well, I won't bother you anymore, I swear I'm insulted!" I said sniffling while holding my sobs.

"Okay, it should be!" ketus Deri while turning off his phone.

There was nothing more I could explain to her, including about my pregnancy. My tears have broken in every day since then. My blocked contact number and her no longer active number left me helpless and unable to do anything about it.

My relentless remorse is almost desperate. This time I was really confused what to do, the exposure of the life I faced seemed much heavier than just facing my divorce with Bagas a long time ago.

"How would my mother know, it would be a tremendous pain in her heart" I murmured with my tears rolling incessantly.

The night after I came home from work, it rained so much in the city where I lived. I who was in despair continued to step no matter the swift rain coupled with the whirring of the wind that shook complete with lightning that waved as if to grab me.

I who do not care about it just seemed to allow if the lightning wanted to strike this useless body of mine. The roar of my steps continued unaffordably to stop for a moment to find a shelter. My really hurt heart was ringing in the words of Deri spoken on the phone this morning.

Collapse has been the spirit of my life that has been composed since the presence of Deri in my life. The wedding plan that had been expected is now an empty fantasy.

I could only give up trying not to pursue her to explain my pregnancy, because for me there was no point in begging to be married by an irresponsible person. Getting married to a bad person only adds a second problem to my life. If Deri is the right person, then he will fight for me to the last point of blood especially after he dares to fuck me, instead of insulting me and degrading my status.

Instantly I gained a little energy to go back to living my nearly ruined life. I wipe my tears that begin to dry along with the cessation of rain. I rubbed my stomach which I had been supporting roughly with my hands full of anger.

I remembered that I wanted a tiny baby figure to accompany me in my life. Well, the figure of the little angel that I had been dreaming of and could only look at from my patients will now be realized. Although he will be born in a wound and without a father, I must still love him with all my heart.

That night it seemed like I was starting to love the fetus that had grown in my womb. Let's just say my lost love was taken away by Deri, now replaced by his presence.

"Health continues yes son" I whispered while rubbing my stomach that is getting bigger and bigger. My days, which were usually filled with a deep yearning for Deri, now I fill in to strengthen myself with the presence of this baby branch.