The Malang Widow

Resisting Desire

After Magribh I and Deri have arrived back in Jakarta. We headed straight for Ferdi's house to take Uwais there.

My tears broke as I embraced her petite body. My longing and guilt for not being able to breastfeed her directly for two nights yesterday.

His body that began to squirm while slowly opening his eyes from the sound of his sleep, spontaneously made me immediately go into the room to suckle him.

No different from Deri, she followed me and kissed Uwais' cheek while I was breastfeeding her. Instantly I revealed my slightly open shirt as a result of breastfeeding. My feeling of uneasiness as she approached Uwais along with being close to my body made me very nervous.

Even though I am officially his wife, of course I still feel awkward to show my aura to him.

Looking at me who was nervous, he immediately went away from me. His face looked disappointed. It is a feeling that may want to caress Uwais while breastfeeding, like a married couple in caring for their children.

Shortly after that, we went home to contract. Even inside the house we still felt very awkward and more silent.

Not to forget I also prepared a separate room for Deri. He seemed to have understood and immediately entered the room I had just prepared for him.

Almost every morning now Deri prepares food for me before he leaves for work. His duties concurrently as the father of the household and the breadwinner. While I was left focused on taking care of Uwais.

"Honey.. breakfast first...I prepared a special meal for you." cried Deri from the dining room.

I soon approached him at the dinner table. With a feeling of prestige, I began to eat his cooking.

"No boy?" ask her curious.

"No! less savory.." I replied reproachfully. But what I felt on my tongue was so delicious that it was more delicious than my cooking.

"Oh.yeah tomorrow I fix it.." said himself while smiling at me.

I just kept quiet and didn't budge.

"Yes, I left first yes. Don't forget you eat a lot, let the milk for Uwais a lot....Assalamu'alaikum?" his words while leaving me and Uwais.

"Walaikumsalam" I replied flatly.

Seeing himself gone, I did not care to finish the cooking so greedily.

In the afternoon, Deri came home while Uwais and I were sleeping in the bedroom.

"Assalamu'alaikum?" greet Deri but I did not answer her greeting because she was asleep.

Slowly he entered the house and peeked at me and Uwais in the room. Instantly he went to the dining room to fill his stomach which had been rumbling since.

The hood on the dining table was opened. Spontaneously his eyes split open to find the cooking that he had made only the remaining traces in a bowl. And what he knew, this morning I didn't seem to like eating that food very much.

Shortly after, I woke up from my sleep. Immediately I went out of my room and found Deri sitting daydreaming in front of the dining table with a disappointed look. But seeing me coming he immediately threw a smile at me.

"Wake up?" greet him while smiling.

"You eat but the vegetables abis... hehehe" he said and immediately my cheeks flushed with embarrassment.

"Oh.. earlier I was starving, somehow Uwais his mistress was very fast until it made me sluggish, so what was on the table forced me to eat all" I replied reasoned.

Deri just looked at me with a smile, as if she knew I was lying, but she chose to be quiet.

"Alright, I made you some fried rice for a while" I said trying to trick you into not being too embarrassed.

"Alhamdulillah.... I haven't eaten you for a long time..."

Without further ado I started frying the rice for him. After it matures, I feed it in front of him.

"Thank you my dear wife." said himself with a smile full of excitement.

"Don't you assume because I serve you, yeah, that I made you to replace the cooking you that I finished earlier, understand?" I sat up and passed back to my room.

"Fried rice is very good... hmmmm" he said that I know for sure he just wanted to praise me, because I had tasted it and it felt normal in my opinion.

Day after day we went through with my attitude that was still cold. But Deri is still the same, still patiently facing me.

One night I woke up from my sleep feeling very thirsty. Soon I went to the kitchen to get a drink there. I was wearing the mini-clothes and didn't realize that Deri was also in the kitchen to grab a drink.

Spontaneous I was shocked and very embarrassed to see him looking at me wearing a mini-dress without hijab as I usually wear everyday. During the marriage, maybe this time he saw me in such clothes, because the first night we got married I slept wearing my hijab with him, because it was still awkward to show my aura to him.

"Dream....!" I cried while trying to cover my body with both hands.

But it looked like Deri was smiling and kept looking at me as if she was going to pounce on me for a moment.

"You must not be insolent... Why do you see me like that?" I asked to endure the shame.

"I should ask, her husband himself should not shower his wife heheheh?" he said with a little laugh.

Instantly I wanted to run back into the room. But Deri immediately grabbed my body in her arms. I who thrashed wanted to scream saw his face getting closer to my face and almost stuck. I was so panicked back then, I couldn't help it if I had to serve him right then and there.

"Please don't forget our agreement.... Or I'll leave you and take Uwais away from you." I said, closing my eyes as I thought Deri would pounce on me.

Instantly he removed my body from his grip and let out a long sigh. His face looked so disappointed. I could feel the turmoil of his soul that he so desperately wanted to be given service from me, yet he held it as hard as he could.

"Yes, you are sleeping again.... If you are not ready to serve me, do not let you look again your beautiful face in front of me, especially with such sexy clothes...." his words as he entered the room left me with his fist that he kept smashing from left hand to right hand.

I'm sorry my husband.... I murmured in my heart that soon returned to my room and laid my body on my bed. Since then, I have been unable to sleep and continue to look at Deri's face. There was a little bit of guilt I felt for her.Fear began to run through my heart that night. Will I be punished for this attitude.... My murmur that made me riled and turned my body trying to sleep but could not.

While in her room, Deri was only able to hug me in her delusion. Imagining fondling me at every curve of my body shape in his imagination. Inwardly he may be tormented, but his affection for me renders him incapable of complaining about this.