The Malang Widow

No longer working with Arif

"You eat first yes, this I brought your favorite pasture rice" said Deri thrust a plate of rice that he had bought.

"Der, cave alone first, later if you need any cave here again, okay!" ferdi said as he left us.

My need that had been holding me back from hunger was eager to snatch the plate of rice that Deri had thrust at me. But my heart was proud of him, then I just fell silent not looking at the food.

"Eat, you let your body fit again, do I want a bribe?" talk to Deri.

"No need, I can eat alone" said I who then eat the rice little by little.

Deri smiled at me, as if she was starting to pay attention to me.

"You spent your food first, huh? I go out first to take a shower and change clothes first, then I'll come here again".

"Hmmm" I answered briefly without looking.

"Darling...dad go home a little while yes, later come here again, you do not fuss yes, kasian your mother will be tired.. chest dear, Assalamu'alaikum? cup" said Deri to Uwais who was sleeping soundly while giving a soft kiss.

I just kept quiet and stared at him stepping out of the room.

"Assalamu'alaikum, Arif, I want to take some clothes for Flowers, if you know he needs, because he had not changed clothes" said Deri who stopped by the shop where I worked, said Deri, and there already seen Kak Arif is giving training to prospective new employees to appoint me.

"Oh yes, take it in his room" said Kak Arif with a flat face.

Deri stepped into the room where I lived for months while I worked with Arif. In her hand was a picture frame depicting me and her being friendly, a memory of when I was still dating her.

"The flower still hasn't moved on from me, but why is it so hard to make her turn me over?" murmured Deri in his heart while taking some clothes belonging to flowers.

After that, he came out of the room. Seemed Kak Arif was no longer in the shop and lived a young woman who had just talked to him earlier.

"Where's arif?" ask the girl.

"Oh, Arif just got home?" answer's short.

"You're here new employee?" ask Deri again.

"Yes, said Mr. Arif I appointed his employees who had just given birth" he explained.

"Oh... Do you only work temporarily to replace the old employee, or?"ask Deri curiously.

"It looks like if I feel at home forever brother, because said Mr. Arif the person had resigned" he said again.

"Oyes, if that's what I say first yes" said Deri as he passed back to the hospital.

Riding the motorbike he borrowed from Ferdi, he drove at a moderate speed to the hospital when it was getting dark.

"Assalamu'alaikum?" greet Deri entering my ward.

"Walaikumsalam" I answered somewhat less sincerely.

Uuh, really he came, you know already nyampe here, I'm upset to see him who has returned.

"Kog he can know yes I need a change of clothes, really attention" murmured again because lazy to talk to him.

"Yes, earlier in the shop where you work already there is a new employee who he said replace you, then you have resigned from your workplace?" ask Deri.

"You're so chatty anyway, ask me mulu, anyways if I resign or whatever work is your business is also the same as me?" ketus.

"Sorry, yes I just want to know, after this you want to live where, what is still here, what is coming back to Lampung, as if I will go where you will go.

"Follow me? why?" ketusku again.

"Iiiiya means I want to be able to when just look and give a living for him, so I don't want to be away from you guys, that's what I mean" he said again.

"I will keep here kog, go home where dare...this is all because of you..hiks!!" my tears broke in front of him because I remembered my mother and missed her so much.

"I'm sorry Flowers, if I could hug you right now I would hug you as warmly as possible to calm you down..."

"You think your hugging can calm me down?" ketus.

"Yes, maybe hugging is no longer needed as you used to.." he said as he passed outside the room.

For a moment I took a long breath. My mind went back to chaos, however I needed a place to stay after this for me to live with my son later. But to live in Kak Arif's shophouse is not possible, he's already I'm disappointed, no longer can I expect help from him.

Likewise with Rianti, he might be disappointed with me, since the presence of Deri back to me, as if it would affect my hijrah as the path I have chosen and just walked this.

In the corner of the hospital hallway, it appears that Deri is calling Ferdi.

"Fer, Bunga like not going to live in Arif shop anymore, he has resigned too, I think I need a place to stay? if not kasian too, then my son how his fate?" deri said in her phone.

"Yes you are looking to contract it, it's time you point to Bunga that you can take responsibility".

"Okay.ok.uk I will find a contract tomorrow, before Bunga leaves the hospital, I make sure he has a place to stay" said Deri ended his phone call.

"Krek" Deri's voice as she opened the door of the Flower's nursery was heard.

"Deri, help you go home and stay with us both, no matter how we are not mahram, please you respect me, do not just want to go in and out of my room!" I told her before she stepped closer to me and my baby.

"Oh yes, well, I will not stay here, if once I say goodbye, then if there is anything you call me yes, Assalamu'alaikum?" said he who then left me.

It was late at night, I who had not been able to close my eyes began to learn to walk despite being trained. The postpartum wound I felt made my way still a little staggering. But that night I slowly learned to walk a little bit and headed for the bathroom to clean myself up and change my clothes.

"Oek.oek...ooek.." My baby woke up from his sleep. I rushed out of the toilet and held my baby. I slowly pulled over her body which instantly silenced her cries. I looked at her tiny face very much like that of Deri.

Why is it so similar to Deri??is it because I hated her during pregnancy? Huft.is not a myth...Why not look like me anyway? I muttered that could not escape the sight of his face.

I pulled my gawaih, and I turned the murotal mp3 of the Qur'an to accompany us both. I don't feel my tears dripping while gently stroking my son's cheeks.

"Excuse me son.forgive me, because of my stupidity you must be born without the nasab of a father. once again forgive us son. hopefully there will be no more suffering because of the stupidity of the earth... give the opportunity to Umi son. to take good care of you, give you a good provision of religious knowledge. forgive your hurt due to the actions of the umi son. forgive... "

My wife made me fall down while hugging my baby's body warmly. Endless regret for me. Somehow later I will start a new life with uwais, it still feels very difficult for me.