The Malang Widow

Lonely

This morning I went to work as usual. Although my schedule with Deri today is both morning shift, but not as usual he approached me using his motorbike to be able to leave together after the phone incident this morning.

"Deri!" I called him who had just slid out of his contract using a motorcycle.

But who would have thought he did not turn his head even though from the rearview mirror of his motorbike he saw me who called his name. I just let out a long sigh while pausing my steps, but immediately I rushed back to walk to work as soon as possible so that I was not late, because usually I can leave faster because delivered by Deri using a motorbike, but this time I have to walk, and get used to walking as usual. Unfortunately, I didn't have time to leave early as I did before I knew Deri. I thought he wouldn't be this angry, if only I knew, then since this morning immediately rushed to leave.

"Deri, I'm sorry if I made you angry, I know who I am, now I promise I won't bother you again, sorry if I ever messed up your life". Fill up my chatt I send to Deri as soon as I get to work.

After that I put my salary in my work uniform pocket again, and I started my work activities again. I pushed the medical equipment trolley that I was going to hand over to the equipment sealer.

"Flower, your eyes are very swollen, like again upset ye nih ye" said one of my friends who met in the hallway to the location of the sealing device.

"Ah, nenggak kog, usual, I sleep kemaleman, jd still sleepy, so my eyes are swollen". My reply as I passed pushed the trolley.

"Okay, if you need not hesitate to confide in me yes, I will listen faithfully kog!". Obviously he passed by as well while convincing me to tell him my problem. Well, she's Noni, the gossip queen at my workplace who always wants to know what her friends are up to in order to be her gossip.

I used to know him at first, I was tempted to tell him something about me, but I was so disappointed after a few days it turned out that almost all my friends at work knew my story. Since then I tried to stay away from him and never wanted to tell him or talk to him more.

Every now and then I look at my gait to check if Deri is replying to my chatt. But it seems like my hope is gone, it has been 3 hours after I sent my chattingku to him but there is no reply from him.

"Hhhehhh" Kuhela took another long breath as she approached my patient who I was taking to the delivery room to prepare for delivery.

Accompanying maternity patients is certainly my daily duty. Previously I also worked in a hospital while still dating Bagas ex-husband first, then I resigned because I married him. I used to have to resign because he did not want me to be busy working so that I could not take care of the household. She who promised to bear all my living well made my heart melt and was called to be a housewife. Especially at that time I imagined that I would soon become a mother of my little children.

But unfortunately it was just a dream. The work that I have sacrificed turned out to have produced no comparable results, my economic situation deteriorated and the promise of the Bagas was just a mere seduction. Especially to plan a pregnancy program at that time, to eat everyday we always fight.

I don't know why I remember my past. But at once my daydream was filled with cries of pain by my patients. Immediately I completed all her needs and led her delivery.

"Oek.oek.." The sound of the cry of the little baby was heard loudly shortly after I presided over the delivery.

Seeing a husband and wife who shed tears of happiness over the birth of their baby made me feel overwhelmed. I don't know why this time my heart felt so full. It was as if I was feeling their happiness, and it was as if I was a couple like their current position. It is undeniable, I did crave the presence of a baby for a long time, but all I have to do is because of failure. Plus my expectations with Deri are fading.

"Hmmm if Deri wants to accept me for who I am, maybe I will be as happy as they are". I murmured in my heart as I looked at the couple who were holding their baby.

The clock shows it's time to go home. I saw my way back on my way home. There was no chatt than I expected. This time I stopped for a moment right in front of Deri's rented door. I looked at the door that was still locked indicating he had not returned from work.

A weak woman who no longer wants to be in love with any man, because it is not easy to trust a man because of his failures that have been passed.

I stared at my kitchen, which was some of the furniture that Deri had left so we could cook together first. No more desire to cook anymore, because now I will get used to eating alone without Deri again. Even now I'm going to go back to buying vegetables to the warteg mother where I met Deri for the first time.

That morning after my night shift, I stopped by my warteg subscription. The figure of Deri sitting on a corner bench while smoking his cigarette after breakfast that he had spent.

The flabbergasted me staring at his face instantly cast a cynical look at me. I did not try to smile for her, because I remember promising her not to bother her anymore, so I pretended not to know her.

Immediately he turned off his cigarette and left the nipple he just smoked a little. Rushing he went to work on his bike, without caring about me.

"Eh neng, that's not a cool friend, kog cuek-cuekik that?" ask the warteg's mother in surprise.

"Ah, no kog mom, it's just a rented neighbor, yeah a little familiar, maybe a little rush again". My reply was based while paying for my order which he had wrapped and presented to me.

"Ih, don't boong oruh neng, your own mother often sees you guys flashing together every time you go to work, or want to play, right? hayo?" said himself again that makes me can not dodge.

"Okay, neng pamit tea first yes ma'am, hurry up, already tired of running out of night shift, sleepy want to bobok" I replied as it passed.

"Eh eneng ah, but no papa neng, since the end is not the same Aa it's fun again the same Aa so subscribe here again, hehehe!" beat himself up in a loud voice because I kept going.

He knows since me and Deri are often with us, we rarely buy food in the stall. Because the two of us often cook and eat together as requested by Deri at that time.

I lay my body on my bed that's still in uniform. It feels so quiet that I feel right now. My days are now back like a new figure living overseas. Where I don't have any friends to just chat and play with. Now I enjoy my solitude by often calling my mother who is in my village.

He was the one who was most worried about my situation. Especially since I failed in my marriage. He always thought hard about my situation. To the extent that he had been hospitalized first when he heard the crack of my household with Bagas.

My mother who has sacrificed a lot with me and with my household first with Bagas. He always sent me money for my needs at that time, as long as Bagas did not give me money. Not until his heart heard that it turned out Bagas did KDRT against me.

The night before I go to sleep, I open the Mp3 in my car. I put a headseat on both of my tricks to listen to music that I like. My laughter is no longer ringing by the phone or chatt from someone who just wanted my news.

Only music accompanies my loneliness every day. And so is Deri. He now spends his days listening to his favorite rock metal music. While social media to find a mate as he dreamed, and not me of course.