The Malang Widow

Yours Three Days

Today Deri payday is right at the end of the week. Incidentally there are 2 red dates on the calendar that make the holidays longer than usual. He took the time to go home to Lampung to meet the children, as well as meet the schedule of the next court call.

"Ting" Gawaiku reads. I saw a message from Deri.

[Today I'm going to the house to see the kids, and you] said the message from Deri.

[The schedule is still a few days away, are you in Lampung?] Reply to him.

[Yes, I'm here, I miss the kids, and so is.] fill in the next message he didn't keep.

[Yes I'm at home] My reply was brief.

Soon he came knocking on my door. At home at the time I was only with the children, while my mother was still at my sister's house.

"Assalamu'alaikum" greeted him at the door.

"Walaikumsalam" said I who then called Uwais who was cool playing in the backyard but there was no sahutan.

"How are you?" asked Deri who was looking at me with a pushy look.

"Alhamdulillah well.." I said flatly.

"Where is your pregnancy?" ask her in a flat tone and look at me blankly.

"Good" I said as I went to the kitchen to make him a cup of coffee.

"Just....!!! There's abi kiddo....!!!" my appeal was several times but there was no word from him. His voice sounded from next door. Apparently he was playing with my cousin's son whose house was lined with mine.

"Where's umar?" asked Deri who shortly followed me into the kitchen.

"He's still asleep, waking up soon." said I who was stirring his favorite black coffee.

Suddenly, Deri approached me. Suddenly he hugged me from behind, as he used to do when he was living in the house.

I took a long breath for a moment. I want to feel like I'm breaking down to let go of that hug. But somehow my heart feels like it really misses the romantic thing that almost every time I do activities in the kitchen, he always does that.

The warmth from his arms made me momentarily remember that time. Where the figure of Deri makes me fall more and more in love from day to day. My eyes began to tear up holding that feeling. For a moment I took a deep breath.

I subconsciously turned my body towards her as if I wanted to return all her yearnings. I looked into her eyes that were starting to fill with water. His hand immediately grabbed my face and brought it closer to his face while sobbing. Well, at that time we looked at each other and sobbed between two noses that touched each other.

My emotions momentarily changed with the sadness of such a deep separation. The love that has been fostered for so long and ingrained will now soon disappear due to the act of the hands of human lust for a moment.

"I've never been mentally... You're still mine until the judge knocks the hammer... You're still mine... You're still my wife... My best wife is a traitor...." His words with a trembling tone while continuing to hold my face and sobbing more and more.

Our tears flooded our faces which were then clutched with each other without distance and clashed.

"You ruined my dream... You destroyed everything.... I hate you...." I said softly and no less sobbing.

I don't know why my feelings that are usually very emotional to see it now turn into a heart incision that wants to be separated. There was a sense of unwillingness to let go of my farewell to him. But the shadow of his behavior that is not exemplary that makes me unable to undo my lawsuit against him.

"Good... I'll do what you want.I'll treat my heart's wounds for 3 days... Not for you, but for our children." I said with a long sigh.

"Thank you dear...." Soft whisper.

He grabbed my body and stepped slowly. We looked at each other as if a newly married couple were about to have their first night. But this is another, our gaze not with a passionate love, but a bitter taste of separation.

My hand that I put on his neck accompanied his steps slowly towards my room where Umar was sleeping in a baby box.

He put my body on the bed. I could read his mind what he wanted at the time.

"You know, I'd be disgusted if you asked me to serve you.... Because I always imagined when you were with Lani.." I said withstanding my mutual disquiet.

"I'm sorry... I don't know how many times I'm sorry for you until I'm sorry I don't know... Maybe that's the best punishment for me.... I don't deserve to be with you... You're the best wife... You're the greatest woman I ever knew..." He said with the most beautiful look I've ever seen in my life with him.

For a moment we were silent and looking at each other. His body that was above me that seemed ready to pounce on me but at that time his hands looked so trembling. There was a sense of opposition in his heart that made him hesitate to touch me.

"I know how you feel, my dear wife.... Serve me with your eyes... Don't open your eyes at all so you don't feel disgusted by me.... I'm begging.... I miss you so much... These seconds mean a lot to me before I can't touch you at all..." He said with a sobbing back.

"Okay, please touch me... I won't open my eyes until you're done..." I said with tears in my eyes and for a moment I immediately closed my eyes, even though tears were still rolling.

That's when we had a husband and wife relationship that probably never felt by anyone. It was not lust that moved at that moment. But the sadness that continues to shower our souls together.

The slow touch that he made to me did not escape with tears that continued to roll also swayed every curve of my body. Breath clashing against each other roared in every movement, not out of satisfaction, but in describing our roars protesting this parting.

In sobs we make out to channel the desires that blend with the flogging. Sometimes he stopped his activity and wiped away my tears and tears that closed his eyes.

"Why do you love you so much....??" my groan after my devotion activity.

Without a word, he took my hand. Grasping it with a tight squeeze. Occasionally he kisses my hand in his wish.

"After parting with me, find a companion of your life that suits you.... Faithful, and will not hurt you one day." he whispered in my ear.

"Want you?" I asked back as I stared at the ceiling in my room with a blank look.

"Let me love you forever, even if I can't touch your body anymore... I want to carry your name until my death..." His words with such a weak tone.

"That's not good.... Don't do that." I said in a flat tone.

"That's all I can do to make amends for my best woman... Because I'm sure I can't get a better woman than you..." He looked a little at me.

"That's love... What is needed is loyalty.... It is not a comparison of which is better, and which is not good. Comparison will only be obtained in a betrayal, once you find out which is the best, then the wound has scratched on the heart that you will never put together again..."