Love Missed

I'm just a sinner

Yes, every action must have consequences, but every problem must have a solution. Stela's words pierced into Tanisa's heart recess as if to represent her deep sorrow. Tanisa's aware of who she is and is not something that means. What Stela said was true that everything Tanisa did would probably lead her to the hardest thing in her life - maybe a disease. Yeah, that could happen to Tanisa the most. But behind Tanisa's anxiety about venereal diseases and so on. Tanisa also feels that there will be the most severe social sanctions in her life, if other people know about her who was once a paid woman.

Tanisa does not seem to care about the bad image of her but it can not be underestimated, when one person knows about Tanisa's circumstances and past, but it can not be underestimated, maybe there will be many mouths people will come to know who sneers at every dark side that Tanisa ever did

Yes, other people do not need to know the suffering of a Tanisa but others know enough about how despicable Tanisa is. That's why humans will judge their ugliness without caring about the true story.

Tanisa seemed to sigh many times to relax her mind and calm her current condition. Without realizing every time that passed was actually not only mortgaged self-esteem but Tanisa's body that felt tired. But the soul of Tanisa and psychic Tanisa who felt it took time to breathe the air of freedom without restraint from anyone, but, because living in an unwelcome predicament with a person who has annihilated all hope and inflicted deep wounds, it makes Tanisa live as if in a deadly prison of every hope and despair.

Tired, tired of this heart step. Every footstep of Tanisa as if all has been arranged by humans who have lust and wealth then where is the true sacred love.

Silently in the night, Tanisa who was sick seemed unable to sleep.

With the infusion still attached to hand, and Tanisa's condition that actually has not recovered a hundred percent it looks daydreaming with the wind that blows slowly. Sometimes Tanisa looks at the moon and stars in the sky whose faces still look the same, which always shines and gives beauty at night.

Tanisa also looked at the face of Gavino who was sleeping next to her with a level of indulgence that was so felt. Occasionally in Tanisa's sleep, Gavino gently holds Tanisa's body beside her.

Gavino realizes that Tanisa is not sleeping when the time is 01.00 pm.

"Why don't you sleep, you're sick Tanisa" said Gavino, opening his eyes.

"I can't sleep"

"Why?" Said Gavino who now put his head on Tanisa's thigh.

"Where do I think, what do I think" Tanisa said.

"What are you thinking" asked Gavino looking at Tanisa's face.

"The future"

"Whose future, your future?"

"Not but your future, what if you were a great man had everything married to me. Which is far from perfect"

"Then what? And why?"

"What will people say" Tanisa said.

"God alone does not think about it, God alone does not think about every other person's shortcomings for what you think about it"

"The way of the Lord, I am a sinner. I'm myself sold, I'm far from him. I'm pregnant with an illegitimate child, I'm mating. I am more than one who is far away to be perfect and a sinner does not deserve to mention His name. I don't deserve to remember it. The more I remember the more I felt pain"

"Then everything that has happened, everything that you have done. When you're desperate, who do you hope for and ask?" Gavino asked and this time looked at Tanisa sitting down.

Tanisa. Tanisa felt that her abject self was inappropriate if she had to beg and ask God because she had committed too many sins, Tanisa was ashamed to ask Him who is all, all things, Tanisa was embarrassed by what she had done about everything. Although it was forced to basically remain Tanisa who felt herself the worst.

"I should have asked her" Tanisa said.

"Yes you must ask a lot, the sins you have committed and have committed do not make you feel you are not worthy to ask and worship. Behind it all is a test for you. God knows without you having to explain he knows what is really happening, so no matter what you are, your heart will still be holy in God's eyes as long as you are willing to repent"

"Why are you suddenly like an ustadz" Tanisa said.

"Like it I'm so suddenly this is because of you"

"Yes Tanisa, now you don't regret everything that happened we open a new page in our lives. I promise I won't fuck you again before we get married. Not because I don't love neither don't love but instead I love you. And I want our relationship to be halal. And I'm sorry if I'm still sleeping in bed with you but I promise I won't touch it before we're halal dear. I'm late but I'll try"

"You want to be insyaf, don't play love anymore" asked Tanisa.

"Yes, I want the insyaf that I'm aiming for right now is just one person"

"Who?"

"Ta-ni-sa, the most beautiful woman among all?"

"What's what?"

"The most beautiful dong, the most handsome time. You're the only woman who can turn on my heart, and shut me down just because of your love"

"Where do you learn from?"

"Don't learn this fact from a heart that goes up to the lips and down again the heart"

"Hemz I'm sleeping ya"

"Well, you sleep later I sing a romantic song"

"His title?"

"For the last moment"

"That's not a purple song it's st 12"

"Oh wrong yeah, keep song what dong. Hehehe I don't have anything to memorize"

"Eh just wanted to sing now he was confused"

"Well, then I'll tell you a fairy tale before I go to sleep"

"What?"

"The story of the ugly duckling, I read on the internet you are horrified yes"

"Hemm yes"

"One day, a mother Duck was incubating her eggs. When incubating and has hatched suddenly the mother is shocked because who was born of so many children there is one that looks different he has a body that looks different and has a means of gray and different from the others"

"Continue"

Gavino continued his story.

Not yet finished the story Tanisa already seemed to close her eyes and was asleep.

Then Gavino seemed to smile and immediately kissed Tanisa on the forehead. Then Tanisa seemed to be broken down into a position that before sitting, now lying down slowly Gavino did so that Tanisa did not wake up and Gavino also enveloped Tanisa who seemed to be asleep.

"Tanisa good night, may you have a good dream" little whispered Gavino in Tanisa's ear and kissed Tanisa back on her forehead.