Lara's Admirers

Episode 88's

THE NEW ERA OF 2021

“It looks like there will be so many unpleasant things that will happen in this year. There will be so many surprises that I never wanted at all to happen, but they will still happen.”

That was the first sentence I said on the night of the turn of the year. It will be the last night of 2019. The end of the year has millions of stories, and unfortunately must be ended soon. My intuition always says earlier than others. Like a random guess that suddenly appeared, then became reality. Sometimes my intuition isn't always right, sometimes it misses and I don't really believe in that kind of thing.

It doesn't feel like a year has passed without that story in this place. Everything feels mortal and pseudo. It is really inconceivable if the world that was once strong, now turned out to be not okay. Millions of people who stand on the face of this earth hope that everything will be finished peacefully. There has been so much loss that millions of cries are heard clearly every day. It is undeniable that one of them is me.

I spent 2020 in my college dormitory. Everything we run is completely dependent on the internet network. Now it seems that the whole side of the hemisphere looks the same. No matter what direction or when.

South Korea is where I stand now. Standing on my own feet, for there is no one I can count on here but myself. If you remember, a year ago I was fighting for this. Struggling desperately for the sake of being able to stand here. I managed to get that scholarship and thanks to it I was able to be here.

If I'm honest, right now I'm missing Indonesia and everyone I've ever known while I was there. Soon there will be an end-of-semester holiday, as well as an end-of-year vacation. The duration is quite long, because we will just go back to college in March. I can't wait to get back there. I want to meet everyone I've ever known and ask how they've been after so long without seeing each other. Jakarta and Pematangsiantar are two of the most memorable cities in my memory so far. A lot of interesting things that I have experienced and not necessarily now will remain the same.

How's that guy doing now? Is it still as stubborn as it used to be? That genius now I can barely find here. It's been a long time since the last day we met. Why should I have so much memory with him, if now I am in the middle of having to bother wiping everything away as if it never happened.

I almost never again contacted a man named Arka who used to have a place in my heart. We just lost contact with each other, without knowing why. All I know last time about him, if after graduation he will continue his studies in Australia as a student majoring in architecture. We are separated between two continents, pitting each other against each other in the land of people. Steady between two lands that are far apart without the slightest worry.

“How are you? Is that feeling still blazing inside her, just like it used to be?”

“Don't she have someone new?”

“How is the end of the story he wrote with me?”

“Is it over or still continuing?”

“If it is over, I am so curious about the last sentence he wrote on the last chapter of his story.”

“Will he like the story he made, or vice versa?”

That question has been popping up in my mind many times lately. No one knows why it happened, not even myself. So don't ask anyone if you're curious, because no one will be able to tell the truth. His name has not been mentioned long enough. It has never crossed my mind since I first moved here. Every day I always walk with mediocrity, without the need to bother thinking about him.

But it looks like today will be different. Actually it's not just today, if I can be honest. A day or two ago, I felt like there was something wrong with me without knowing what it was. I know I'm not okay, but I don't know why. I can't know more about that, even if I want to. Like there's a big wall that borders me not to go any further, to figure out what's really going on.

I don't know if I can see that guy again someday. Somehow it would happen if one day we cross each other on a street by accident. Maybe the situation will be a little awkward. Or maybe even worse, we don't want to say hello to each other. Not because of pride, but because of their own ego.

Now I'm trying to reread a past story that even my own storyline is correct. But I never get bored if I have to do it again and again. I will continue to do the same thing every day voluntarily. I'm not ready to finish that story right now. In fact, the story was finished a long time ago. Without needing to be told at all, all the characters already knew about it. And therefore the players chose to leave this story sooner, so that in the last chapter of the story, this story is like losing his entire life.

It is possible if we want something else or something. Like continuing this story in the second book series maybe. But I pushed myself too hard to keep this story going, even though I knew it would eventually be heartbreaking.

Some things try to go away on their own from our memory, but some also cannot go away because they are prevented. Memories that I myself do not know what they really are, still cling very closely to me. Whether it's a good memory or otherwise, I don't know about it at all. But obviously I still let it sit in my mind until now, or rather he forced it to stay there.

I hope that the atmosphere of the city of Jakarta will still be exactly the same as the last time I looked at it from behind the plane window. I know a lot has changed from that place. A place where I was once trapped between two hearts of human children whom I loved. I left all my memories there. I bury them in a good way, so that later when they return they also welcome me in a good way.

***

I rubbed my two eyelids slowly, hoping that I would quickly escape the drowsiness that had shackled me all night. I took a deep breath and threw my eyes at the window. The sun had already begun to rise, exceeding the height of the mountain across there. At that time I realized that I was almost in lunch time and I had just woken up.

I tried to sit myself at the end of the bed, waiting for my consciousness to come back completely. Among the frenetic capitals that were beginning to deafen my ears, my mind was trying hard to sort out all the activities I was going to do today. It's really been a busy weekend for me.

I started to step into the bathroom to get ready. I don't have more time to relax, even though I want it to happen. One saying I've heard is, if you don't feel tired, it means you're not fighting for anything. I don't really know what I'm fighting for right now.

“Arghh!!” I growled when my feet accidentally stumbled on the table legs.

I stroked it slowly, until the pain was reduced enough to ignore. Today I woke up quite late because last night just finished studying for the exam preparation. The tutoring and cafe places here are busy to serve students and students who will need a fairly quiet place to study. All the places here are almost open twenty-four hours a day, because South Korea is holding its final semester exam. And it was simultaneously done throughout the learning center.

After this I will go to lunch with Amel, my dormmate who is an Indonesian citizen as well. We've been together since we first got here. Enough for us to be good friends with each other. Amel came to this college on a personal charge, and I know it must have been hard for some people like me. But the girl can get whatever she wants, because she comes from a pretty family.

I apply a little concealer on the bottom of my eyes that look blackened. Then flatten it with a sponge to make it look more fused and natural. Do not forget to sprinkle powder and a little soft pink lipstick. Enough with these little things alone is able to help to hide all that. At least I am now more fresh and excited in the eyes of those who see me later. Even if his reality is not like that.

Some bad things do need to be covered because the world does not need to know that far. People can assume much worse than we thought. But there is also no need to cover it too much. By letting some bad things appear gently and slowly will not make your world destroyed instantly. They will actually be a neutralizer implied meaning. Life should be balanced, between sad and happy. It cannot be too much or too little. Because life isn't just about being happy, so a few tears don't mean anything.

Today I was wearing a milk-white sling bag that Arka gave me a year ago. He gave it to me the day before I left. But at that time I knew clearly if he did not know at all when the date of my departure. But his intuition said very clearly and his actions were also very precise. The prediction didn't miss at all.

Only then did I see her so trusting of herself, trusting her feelings that she had never felt in the least. Then luck intervened in the action. They all work together on a single goal that is ultimately capable of being proven. Fate was also on his side at that time.

“You should look more beautiful if you use this bag.” he said at that time.

Actually I am the type of person who quickly forget everything, plus if I used to have a bus accident that caused me to lose my memory for a while. But now the long-term effects still continue for some time. I wish that nightmare would never happen to me. But unfortunately fate is too cruel and either hold a grudge until the heart to do this to me.

“Udah finished getting ready?” ask Amel to me.

“Udah.” I replied briefly, nodding my head.

We both rushed to leave the dormitory that still looked lonely. Most of them are still asleep and just woke up when the afternoon arrived, then returned to the monotonous place to learn. To be honest I woke up early because the worms in my stomach forced me to give them a piece of bread or other food.

Amel and I decided to have breakfast and eat competitively at one of the restaurants that only specifically sells Indonesian food. The name of the place is Warung Lesehan. The place is not so far from our dormitory, just take the bus has arrived. We think there is no harm if you try Indonesian food for once in a while. Our tongues haven't felt all that for long.

Since it is a weekend, the place is getting a bit crowded than on a typical day. This place is dominated by Indonesians who work or live in South Korea and want to taste food in their home country, without having to bother waiting for home. You could say, this is my favorite restaurant and Amel while wandering in the land of people.

Although the name is lesehan, but the seating provided here is really like being in warteg. Long tables and chairs are arranged in such a way that creates the same atmosphere as in Indonesia. I can't stop thinking, how the owner of this shop is so intent in doing everything in this place.

Amel and I took a seat between the gaps of some people. This place has started to be full and crowded at lunchtime like this. Lucky we managed to get the remaining seats, even though we had to coincide with the others.

“Lo want pesen what?” asked Amel while confirming his sitting position.

“Nasi soto aja deh.” reply me without thinking long.

“Drink?” ask again.

“Ordinary kayak mel, this is the first time you come here with me?!” I started getting upset.

“Yes who you want something different this time.” he said.

“Now!” I'm tough once again.

The girl took a deep breath before starting to shout to order food. Everything here is really like taking me back to Indonesia.

“Kak! Soto rice two equal servings of sweet iced tea is also two yes!” he shouted loudly, trying to break the atmosphere here.

Suddenly someone patted me gently from behind. I turned to find out what was wrong with me. I found a man with his typical Indonesian face looking at me in wonder. Even though half of his face was covered by the mask he was wearing, I somehow was so sure that this man was not a native.

“Eresha yes?” ask him carefully.

I was surprised not to play when I found out if this stranger could guess my name correctly. It seems like we have never met before. I'm also not using a campus identification card that can show my identity.

“Is he a fortune teller?” my mind in my heart.

Honestly, now the situation is not awkward, but it turned out to be terrible. Just imagine if you were in my position right now. I can no longer afford to stop myself from thinking things like that.

It seemed like the man realized that I looked so confused and frightened. He managed to make all my hair stand up straight. It feels like all this time you've been spied on by someone and now the culprit has been revealing himself openly. On the other hand, the man laughed amusedly behind the mask he was wearing.

“Still remember me?” ari asked while lowering the mask, so I could see his face clearly now.

It didn't take much time to recognize her, her face was already not so foreign to me. It's easy to remember now. I don't know what kind of miracle is approaching me this time. I can hardly believe that this is really happening to me. I was on the spot trying to convince myself that this wasn't a dream or a hallucination. I hope so and hopefully this happens in the real world. Now I can hardly tell which one is true and which one is not.

“Gue seneng lo wear this bag when we meet again after so long.” he said with a small smile.

“Gue?” my mind in my heart.

He used to call me you. That's what we did from the beginning our relationship started until the end of the story it had to end. I was the only one he called back then, and so was I. But now, something special seems to have turned into an ordinary thing. The old saying goes, everyone will come and go in time. Maybe right now I'm getting out of the recesses of his heart.

“What's up? All right, right?” ask when I find out if there's something wrong with me.

“Nothing.” my pretext.

“You ever knew each other?” asked Amel who suddenly covered our conversation.

I just nodded my head, saying what he said just now.

“Udah long yes enggak meet.” said Arka.

“Last time we met fitting we are both stuck in a condition that is not good aja.” reply me.

“Why is fate so bad? He keeps us at a distance before we can fix everything.” explained the man.

“Destiny is always cruel, we can not choose right?” reply me with what is.

“Our discussion is too heavy huh, for a first meeting like this?” my continue.

Meanwhile on the other hand, Amel was seen watching us so closely. The girl seemed confused by our behavior. Let alone him, I just don't understand what happened just now. Wasn't the first one to ask when we met again after so long was the news of each other? But why do our talks lead to the past indirectly. I don't know who took him there first. Obviously I can't blame anyone here. So it would be better if the conversation quickly ended, before the unwanted things happened again.

“Lo why, how can I get here?” my many.

I'm no longer using my word-you in this conversation. I think that was enough to prove that we no longer deserve to say that word to each other.

“Oh that, so gini.” he said while scratching his head that does not itch.

“Gue no research assignment from campus for yes…. Sort of researching the architectural style of each building in the countries of asia.” he explained clearly.

“Actually I can just search for sources on the internet. Just, I want to see all that in more detail and confess everything in more real.” he continued.

“Gue wants to be like Sendy's brother who went down directly to the field. Lo must still remember that time.” he said.

I just nodded slowly, saying his words just now.

“Terus that's why you can get here?” my many.

“Yes, is there another reason?” ask the man back.

Honestly, the question he asked just now was like an arrow that came out of nowhere. It pierced right into the organ that kept me alive to this day. I felt dead for a moment after the words he said felt like they were attacking me.

I hope there's another reason he's hiding in there. I wish there were other, much sweeter words lurking behind him. At least let me breathe a sigh of relief for this time only. Let me live for one second.

“Countries in Asia are many, why should you come all the way here?” ask me one more time.

“Not in Indonesia there are also many?” my continue.

“Gue wants to explore new things anyway, is it wrong?” ask the man back.

Again this time he attacked me for the umpteenth time.

“Not anyone has the right to uncertain the way of life lo.” reply me resignedly.

Amel shifted the still hot soto bowl right in front of me. He told me to quickly eat and then leave this place. After this we still have to shop for kitchen needs in the supermarket. I wish I could spend more of my time here, even if it only leads to regret.

Reuniting him here was like a miracle I never expected. We haven't seen each other face to face in a long time like this. Highlight his eyes like he always had his own way to convey something that his mouth did not want to say. I know he's been too hard on himself. But that's him, someone who never allowed anyone to change him.

I have so much to say to him today. But somehow all the sentences that have been especially neat suddenly disappeared from my head. My mouth suddenly shut up, my tongue was also twisted. Looks like the universe won't allow me to tell the truth.

“Where is your lecture here?” ask Arka suddenly.

“Well all right. What about lo? You're going to Aussie?”

“My lecture is normal, normal like most people.”

“Keep lo there stay the same who?”

“Brammy, where else to try? In the first year we have to stay there.”

“Means we are the same.”

“Homesto where?”

“Not far from here kok.”

“Lo must miss Indonesian food, right? Why are you dating here?”

“Gue tau lo also rasain the same thing.”

“All that is not easy, but there is always a way for us.”

“By the way, how long have you been here?”

“New two days ago anyway.”

“Where to stay?”

“There, in an apartment near here too.”

“Good deh.”