Lara's Admirers

Episode 86's

His gaze deepened and seemed unfriendly. I was horrified to see it with such eyes. With all the remaining courage I had, I finally began to dare myself to speak. As for how to respond later, it will be a business only later.

“Arka, I need an answer from you right now.” I said in a convent tone that seemed rushed.

“What answer?” ask her while frowning her forehead.

“What exactly did Titan say?” ask me to return very carefully.

“If I answer yes why? And if for example I answer not why?” answer it with a much more confusing question.

“Jawab aja.” my word with just anyone.

“OK, but you have to promise not to be angry if you already know the truth.” he explained while taking a deep breath.

“Depending on what answer you love.” reply me briefly.

“If so I will give you an answer that will not make you angry or anything like that.” explained clearly.

“Udah is ka! Just tell me the answer is real.” reply me who began to run out of patience.

“Although it will eventually sound painful.” I continued with a slightly lower volume of sound.

“OK.” replied the man who looked indifferent

The more I get here the more I feel if everything is right. I thought what Titan was talking about was just a joke or something, but now it's starting to feel so serious. I'm afraid if everything happens like I'm thinking right now. When I had to accept the worst reality for the umpteenth time in my life.

“The Titan said bener sha.” said the man in a soft tone.

Another thing with me that was even glued to the place. I immediately mute and silenced just like that after he said the sentence just now. It felt like it was a loud slap, which forced me to walk backwards. I never thought that man would actually do that to me.

But on the other hand, I felt like I was in a vacuum. I was thinking about myself, which is not worth it like this. It forces me to believe, if in reality no one ever really loved me. Including Arka who I thought was so sincere.

This harsh reality also made me realize that I would not be able to survive much longer. It turns out that love can turn out to be so cruel, by numbing a taste by deep disappointment. Then it's strange why the taste has to be alive again, if only to be turned off again.

From today I stop believing in love. From today there is no love and affection that means anything to me anymore. They were all just a trick that swept me away secretly. And then kill me in a cruel way. Love had made me soar into space, but in the end had to fall back.

“Sha, sorry I. I know that I was wrong because I already made you as a betting material at that time.” obviously the man while cupping both of my cheeks with his hands.

I just kept quiet and didn't want to make up for her words just now. My tongue is too thick to talk to. My mood was so chaotic that I didn't know how to express my feelings. I'm still too hit with what just happened.

“But there is one more thing that you should know.” he said who is still trying to convince me.

“What?” I replied with a voice that started to shake.

“You know, since the day we for the first time became one. At that moment I began to learn to love the figure of Eresha the new boy. I started to get stuck and couldn't get out of that feeling. The sense that the more the day shackles, the bigger and more torturous.” he explained at length.

“If you think at that time I invited you to reverse because of a bet, then you were wrong sha. That's because I've really fallen in love with you.” he continued with eyes that were so fixed towards me.

“Do I have to believe the same thing you just said?” ask me with a voice that starts to sound raucous.

Now both my eyeballs are starting to heat up. My eyes are starting to look less clear anymore. Like something's blocking him in there. In the end that unstoppable puddle of tears, could only bring itself down. Flowing down my cheeks, not knowing where the water droplets would end up.

“I don't want to lose you sha. From today, tomorrow onwards, you have to promise that we will not part.” he said and embraced me suddenly.

“Farewell will not be invited to make peace ka, can we just be separated today.” reply me with sobbing cries.

“No, we can't just separate. Because you already know that basically I am not completely wrong in this issue.” he explained with a deck that feels tighter.

“But still you are wrong ka!” my firmness.

I tried to escape his unfinished embrace. The longer I've been in here, the more I feel like it's just my chest that's getting claustrophobic. On the one hand I know that Arka is not ready to let me go. But on the other hand I feel that our relationship will not be okay after this.

After making repeated attempts at escape, I began to give up and resigned myself to the circumstances. My strength never seemed comparable to fighting this man. I mean nothing compared to him. No matter how much effort I put in, it felt futile.

I don't know how much longer he'll stay in this position. Maybe I should just let it go until he feels enough. Who knew his mood could improve a little afterwards. Who knows if this is the last hug we can do and just think of it as a farewell hug. Let's just say that everything that happened today will only happen one last time.

I started to get closer to this guy. Feeling his heartbeat that was clearly heard by my sense of hearing. When viewed from his heartbeat, it feels like his tempo is starting to stabilize. I began to think that this was the last time I could be at this close distance to Arka.

“Goodbye Arka, thank you for giving me the courage to fall back in love. I learned a lot today. Thank you for making this story ever, but unfortunately this story must end soon. You or I never thought and never wanted this story to end tragically like this.”

***

After that incident, I became a little more quiet. I walked in blank eyes, along the sidewalk of the shop. It still feels hard to believe if this incident really happened to both of us. This is not what I want, let alone Arka. I never blamed him for this one, because I was wrong too. Why don't I know if I was being used as a betting material at the time, like an item that had no meaning at all.

Turns out Arka lied to me about her mother. The woman dropped out last night and was rushed to a nearby hospital. And it is true that the woman should be immediately referred to one of the hospitals in Singapore. So far all his words are still true, but there is one thing that he deliberately made somewhat different.

Actually, her mom was already there, just last night. He said otherwise at school, because the man knew he had to solve this problem with me. This was the only way he could get out with me after school. But the truth is that man doesn't have to lie to do all this.

Actually, until now I still do not think. It turned out that an Ark whom I've known all along, could do as low as that as well. I'm still too disappointed in this guy. The path of his mind that I had always considered wise, was not at all.

“Go home...” I said to the man.

“It's almost dark today, where I might have left a girl in a city like this. Walking alone anyway.” reply.

I can only snort miserably, because this man has never obeyed my will either. He kept following my steps from the side of the road, on his motorcycle. This guy's been doing that ever since I left that petokoan alley.

Right now I just want to be alone, enjoy the rest of my time in this city. More precisely enjoying the rest of my time in my country of birth, the place where I grew up. Where I stand now, in Indonesia.

I had just stepped straight ahead, following the line of shops along this road that seemed almost no end at all. But without me knowing, it turns out that both of my legs have taken me to step into that place. A place that I used to visit, but not now because my business is too much.

Hesitatingly, I decided to end my journey at the cafe. Stefani will be there for work and will be home tonight. At least I don't have to think about who to go home with, because that girl is the answer.

“Stef, which I used to pesen dong one.” I said shortly after arriving at the cashier table.

“Loh, how did you get here? Continue to Arka mana, when he who took you on the road but did not want to nganterin lo go home.” reply the girl at length.

“What lo?! I'm here, so don't need much protest lo.” reply Arka who suddenly came out of nowhere.

I did not answer the question that the girl had just asked me. My head feels too full to hold a few questions from him, which is not enough if only one. Though I'm sure if he can see my condition that is not fine like this.

With a somewhat impressed step on the drag, I headed towards one of the tables near the stage. This time I accidentally didn't pick a table that was close to a glass wall, just so I could stare out of the room. I don't know, this time I just want to find a new and different atmosphere than usual.

As usual, this place is not too crowded if on a regular day like this. There are only a few visitors who seem to still be our age. First semester students may.

A moment later, Arka came up to me and took a spot right in front of me. I still can't condition my feelings right now. It still feels too awkward to start a conversation. Duan human who had been so close before, suddenly turned into each other stiff like this. We don't know where to start and on what topic. It was really like our first meeting, although in reality it wasn't at all.

“I know that I've been too much wrong. And for this time maybe my mistakes can not be tolerated anymore. This must have been too fatala to just say sorry.” he explained with a sad look.

“Good if you are self-conscious.” my insinuation with a tone of speech ketus.

“This time you can give me my punishment. Whatever it is that you feel worthy of me to receive.” he said with a face that was so convincing.

“Yakin, want me to give you the punishment?” ask me carefully.

The man just nodded, saying my words quickly. I wasn't sure at first if I had to give this kind of punishment to him. Although in the end I had to actually say this to him. But I think this is a punishment that benefits both sides. On the one hand Arka will get a lesson, and on the other hand I will learn to get used to living without love at all.

“We broke up, and never ask me to reverse it again.” I said with a heavy heart.

Arka then immediately raised her head. His eyes widened, with a shocked expression that just appeared. Everything looks natural, because that's what he feels now. Everything just happened, without her planning.

“No! I don't want sha.” he said immediately.

“I will not let you go, because you know exactly every thing that is already in my hands I will not be able to go easily.” he explained.

“Because who goes will get hurt?!” reply with naddan talk higher.

“I'm ready for that wound ka, even if it has to be now.”.

It was a strong rejection from him. But that's what he decided just now, and now the man has to accept all the consequences.

“I will never leave, because that was my promise back then. You remind me of that?” he continued to convince me.

“OK, if that's what I'm going to go for!” I'm tough once again.

The man was immediately silenced and could not pucker up a bit. Actually, he strongly disagreed with my request just now, which he considered a punishment for his guilt. But just look on the bright side, at least this one is a win-win. Sometimes people see one thing more often than a thousand good things.

Before long Stefani came in with a cup of latte coffee I ordered earlier. His face looked so serious about the dispute between the two of us. To the extent that because it was too serious the girl did not pay attention to her own steps, so she almost fell because of her own shoelaces. After getting to the place that had been her goal just now, the girl was finally able to breathe with relief because it turned out that this time good luck was still approaching her.

“This coffee pesenan lo sha.” said Stefani while offering a cup of coffee that is still warm.

“Thanks stef, next time be careful if the road.” reply me while warning him.

“Simmer, just my loose shoelaces.” he said then bent his body position a little.

I started sipping my favorite latte coffee. This one drink is the most delicious if consumed while still in warm conditions like this. Especially with white smoke still clumping on the top, like a cloud. At least this one drink can make me feel calmer. I don't know what's in it, all I know is caffeine. But in reality this drink is like an anti-depressant drug to me.

“You why? Stumped again?” ask Stefani innocently.

“According to you we again celebrate what birthday?!” ketus Arc.

“Yes, don't bother that's why. I'm just nanya, and it's also fine.” obviously the girl who does not accept if she is treated like that.

“Sensei sih, kayak giris again come aja month!” stefani slowly.

“What did you say just now?!” ask Arka with emotions that are already at the top of the crown.

“What! People do not talk either.” chirped the girl who tried to defend herself.

Who would have thought if the man was able to hear a voice with such a low volume level. Surely his hearing is very sharp, especially when emotions like this. Usually people who are emotional will not think too much about the surrounding conditions, but different from this one man. Don't get me wrong if he can't do things that ordinary people usually can't.

“Huh! It's up to stef, I'm again troubled by lo.” said the man while grunting annoyed.

“Good, I also ogah jockeying the same lo.” reply Stefani indifferently.

As usual, I was just a loyal spectator of their friendship drama that never got along at all. I can only shake my head to see the behavior of the two who have always been like this. Whether until when they will remain like this, never reconciled with their respective egos. It will soon be graduation day for our school. Did they not want to make anything impressive for the last time, before they actually parted ways. I really don't understand the thoughts of these two kids.