Lara's Admirers

Episode 40's

We arrived at the bookstore I was referring to. Visitors are not as crowded as other shops. Maybe because it was too early and the store just opened, we were the first visitors today.

I walked right next to Arka, following where she was going. Each hallway separated by shelves containing books we have passed. Actually, this store can be said to be quite complete. Because in addition to providing diverse reading books, this store also sells complete writing tools. Because this place is still relatively quiet, we can linger here without fear of long queues when at the cashier later.

I tightened my hair ties that started to loosen. What book is this man looking for.

"From what book?" My toot.

"Novel is."

"You know what a novel is?"

"Hmmm...."

The man finally stopped his steps for a while, he needed a little time to think about it.

"Novel is a thriller, a horror or a mystery." Arka.

I immediately pulled his hand towards the hallway on our right. There is a clear mystery writing. Didn't he read it carefully.

Once at the end of the hallway, we were immediately presented with a view of the cover-cover novels that are currently in demand on the market. I spread my gaze all over, while still pulling Arka's hand.

I immediately ran to the other end when I saw the line of books by Risa Saraswati. He is the only horror novel I know of. His work is also quite famous and indeed not in doubt the quality. There are a few books there. Muslims from the story of his magical friends who are Dutch children, and there are also stories about some local ghosts. I'm sure Arka must have liked all this.

"It would fit." My word.

Arka looked at the book one by one. Starting from the front cover, the blurb is written on the back of the novel. And the most important thing for him is the thickness of his book.

After waiting for a few minutes, Arka finally decided to buy one of the books and pay it to the cashier.

After that we went home. Arka immediately returned to his house after driving me, because there were many tasks that he had to complete on time.

There was no one at home, only me. Aunty was accompanying Grandma for her check-up schedule to the doctor this month. And Renata of course the woman is still busy in her campus and will only be home in the afternoon or evening.

Today I was a little diligent because there was no deadline that I had to finish immediately. There are actually some task files that I have to move from the laptop to hand over to the teacher tomorrow. But I can do that tonight.

I immediately changed my uniform with a tee shirt and knee-length shorts, then clamped my hair. The most important thing before the class exam is to study, but you also need something called refreshing.

This afternoon I decided to go for a mascara, then relax all day in the room while listening to my favorite music or spend a book that I did not finish reading last month.

I stirred a few scoops of organic mask powder that I had mixed with rose water, then rubbed it evenly all over my face. I knocked myself down on my favorite bed while tuning a song from my phone.

"Drrttt!!!"

Suddenly, my phone shook slowly. There's a message coming in from Zahra in the group. Actually we have long made a WhatsApp conversation group, only rarely anyone talks there. They were all busy, including me as well.

"Again on what guys!" Zahras.

Soon other messages came with the aim of replying to Zahra's message.

"More of the break." Rahmas.

"Here eat lunch together." Rini's.

"Mmmmm...." Eresha.

Luckily they only sent WhatsApp messages, so I was able to reply. If they call or video call, I don't know what else to do. My mask almost dried up and my face was drawn to it so it could not be moved. If I do that, maybe the mask will crack and I have to restart it.

"Have you eaten yet?" Rini's.

"Not yet, send it here gih" Eresha.

With agility my finger jumped from one button to the other to string the sentence.

"Elah, you are far away in Jakarta how to send it. Sweetheart in sha ogkir." Zahras.

"Eh, later if it is fitting for school holidays we plan to go to Jakarta." Rahmas.

"Well?" Eresha.

"You'll see you. I miss this one!" Zahras.

"Got given permission to your parents?" Eresha.

"We haven't talked about this problem with our parents yet." Rini's.

"If you can't get yaudah. Don't be so stubborn!" Eresha.

"Don't be pessimistic before trying." Rahmas.

"Whatever, but I'm sure it won't be allowed." Eresha.

"It's so bad." Rini's.

"It's not. The proof first is that we are not given permission to swim together on Sunday morning, right? The swimming pool is very nice. Boro-boro you want me to go to Jakarta." Eresha.

"Just remember, wkwkw." Rahmas.

"Oh obviously, Eresha don't ask again." Eresha.

"But we also want a school holiday out of town. Find a new atmosphere, not in the house mulu." Zahras.

"Well yes. Tumben bener ra." Rini's.

"Darling any cost." Eresha.

"Mending later just pass you all college here. Then we can hang out together like we used to." Eresha.

A second later I deleted my message. Luckily Zahra had read the message. I can finally breathe a sigh of relief now.

I don't want to hurt the feelings of one of my best friends. Rahma, yes I'm afraid this time mispronounced again. Every time we discussed about how we expected in college, he always kept silent about not wanting to interfere in the matter.

I, Zahra and Rini intend to continue to college when they graduate. That is if there is an opportunity. To be honest, the three of us are still expecting scholarships from wherever it is. I have a dream since long ago to get the KGSP scholarship program, the Korean Government Shcoolarship Program. KGSP is a scholarship provided by the South Korean government for several countries that are members of the scholarship program, more or less like that.

Same is the case with Rini and Zahra who are scholarship fighters as well. But unlike Rahma, his face is always moody if we discuss it. He once told us if after school later, when he had graduated the girl would choose to work alone instead of sitting in college. There are many reasons that he made, ranging from costs to tasks.

But I know if he doesn't want to tell us the real reason. I can catch the meaningful glint from the look in his eyes.

Not wanting to prolong our conversation, I immediately turned off my phone and then rinsed the face mask that was completely dry. I chose to take a nap for a moment.

***

17.20

I opened my two eyelids slowly, glancing at the constantly moving round object hanging on the wall. Aish! How many hours have I slept here, two or three hours? It must have been over an hour.

I try to rise from my position now with eyes still cursed. After all my life had been gathered and my intentions had been rounded I finally got up from there.

I walked down the stairs to get to the dinner table. From this sing I haven't eaten anything. But there's nothing there. Grandma hasn't come home yet so aunt hasn't had time to cook. I take some fresh bread sheets on the fridge then prepare some stuffing like tomato sauce, lettuce, beef eye egg, tomato and cucumber. Fortunately, all the raw materials are still available in the refrigerator.

I decided to cook a sandwich for lunch. It's the end of the month anyway, so I have to save. If I order fast food or delivery food, it will definitely cost a lot.

After everything was done, I returned to my room with a plate of lunch. I checked Grandma's room for a while to see if she had gone home or not. The door to his room was not locked, and there was no one there. I continued my steps to the room.

I chewed on the sandwich I had just bitten to make it easier to swallow. Then I checked out the tasks I had to complete tonight. There was really no other task than to just move the files to my phone to hand over to the teacher as a final semester assignment.

I immediately took the laptop in the drawer and turned it on. Aishh where is my flash, all the files are there. I could die if that little thing goes away. I paused for a moment trying to strengthen my memory, about where I had last put that thing.

I went back to check it in the drawer, because I'm sure I usually always put it there after it's done. Bingo! I finally found it. The little thing was tucked between piles of written books. I won't lose you again, baby.

The lesson I learned today is: use your intuition when your logic cannot be co-operated with.

After the laptop turned on, I then stuck a small object that had disappeared earlier in the hole that had been provided. Then I connected my phone to the laptop with a USB cable. After I finished moving it, I did not turn off the laptop because I had to put this dirty plate down.

Looks like I'll give you some useless files on the flash. Storage is almost full, I don't want to waste money just to buy a new flash.

"Drrt."

My phone rang short again. I immediately checked, this time there was a notice. Hh, it turned out to be just a notification from the daily news app.

I turned my eyes back to the laptop, scrolling all the files that were there. I found a file containing a collection of my photos. Maybe this is a photo in the small town, because while in Jakarta I have never taken a picture.

Suddenly reflexively my gaze was fixed on the collection of photos with a red uniform burning. That's a photo of my memories from the marching band. I stared fixedly at my laptop screen while flashback with all the photos there. I really miss this atmosphere. With the noise we create everywhere, but always able to be received by our ears are quite immune.

"Eh, is this Brother Sendy?" I asked in my heart.

I looked at the photo carefully once again, making sure I wasn't mistaken. It's true this is Sendy's sister. I don't even remember when this photo was taken, it turns out I once photographed with my senior brother that one. After giving up longing by just looking at the collection of photos feels enough for me, I think there is nothing to remove in this one section.

I immediately switched to another photo album. All the files on this flash I always sort by category so it is easy to find them. Including my photos, I made a little album there that I named after the category.

"Dear."

An album title located at the very bottom had caught my attention. I clicked on the text that was clearly displayed on my laptop screen.

I was surprised not to play when I found so many pictures and photos...... Sendy's brother's here. I can't believe how we got this many photos. Did we used to be so close. But wait, I saw a picture on the other end, it looks like it's my birthday. The man was seen bringing me a birthday cake in the photo, and I'm sure this photo was taken during rehearsal. But how could I not remember a single bit about this. My curiosity became more and more so, I continued to scroll all the photos to the roots.

Now Aki has found the answer! That man, that mysterious man. The face that I had never seen in my dreams before, the figure that had almost disappeared, now the shadow was more solid to form a figure that I had been looking for all this time.

So.. the man is..... Brother Sendy? My hands were shaking violently, my feet were losing their strength all of a sudden. My tongue is my tongue, I can't say a word. I sat down on the floor with a blank look.

Out of my eyes came tears that had been collected. I hugged my legs, drowning my face in between. I cry in silence. My heart seemed to be jolted with greatness.

Eventually all those precious things returned to my life after disappearing for so long. The accident took everything, including him. A bitter tragedy that leaves deep inner wounds.

He who was once present in my past, completes every beat of the tone we create together. That ended up being the parting song I hated the most.

I rubbed the traces of my tears that were unceasingly flowing even though I didn't want to. With great difficulty I tried to get up from my already powerless position, I was in complete shock at that moment.

My hand grabbed the chair I was sitting on. I calmed myself for a moment over the harsh reality I just received. I threw my gaze at a figura hanging there, on the other side of the wall. Both of my eyes were glued staring fixed atmosphere after the Olympics that had been immortalized.

I gathered all the remaining energy in my body. I convinced my steps to meet Brother Sendy. I need to tell her about this.

"Eh, where are you going? How crying? Ma'am!" Aunty who just came home.

I didn't comment on the question just now.

Is Brother Sendy still in his campus, or in the ayu boarding house where he usually is. I stopped my steps while cursing myself. I don't know where that guy is now.

All right first let's check into the hostel. It's not that far from here. I decided to take a ride on the base motorcycle at the end of this complex so as not to get stuck in traffic.

"Tok..tok...button!!!"

I knocked on the door of her boarding room hoping that someone I was looking for was there. Two minutes later came out a man in a black shirt with disheveled hair who opened the door for me.

I watched her intensely, making sure that it was really the person I was looking for.

"What's up?" Asked the man while rubbing his eyes.

"Sir Sendy's there?"

"Oh Sendy, he just left for the airport."

"He's going to the Netherlands for the next week, there's research from his college." Obviously the guy who looks like Kak Sendy's roommate at the boarding house.

"A long time gone?"

"Not yet, if you want to follow it should still be able to anyway. Because the plane's leaving at eight."

"Oh yes, thank you very much."

The man nodded choosing to agree with my words only. Lucky the motorcycle taxi driver had not left there, I did tell him to wait a while.

"Sir, to the airport!" I said while patting the shoulder of the taxi driver.

I occasionally glanced anxiously at my watch. Hope the traffic to the airport is not jammed, please... There are only thirty minutes left.

Why didn't he tell me he had a trip to Holland today. I kept hoping with a huffed feeling. Hopefully it's not too late.

I've reached the airport, there's still ten minutes left. I hurriedly paid the motorcycle with money that I had not counted before. I immediately ran in, circulating my gaze across the corners and corners of the building.

"Geez!" Someone from behind.

I turned my body back. I didn't think it was Sendy's sister. I hugged her tightly, my tears breaking right then and there. I bit my lower lip so as not to sob, but the same is the result.

"Kok here, what's the matter?"

"Kok cry?"

"Why, has anyone hurt you?"

The questions were unceasingly thrown from the man's mouth. But I don't have the slightest power of stuff. My tongue is completely dumb, I can't speak it all. I just want to cry for now, but I have to say this. I came here to tell her.

I let go of my grip on her. Then set my breath to start talking.

"Mystery man.... I know all the answers." I said in a still sobbing voice.

"meaning?"

"I remember everything, brother! I've rediscovered that lost soul. She's never really gone, she's always by my side."

I tried to clarify my sentence just now.

Both of his eyes were perfectly rounded, he could hardly believe what I had just said. The two corners of his lips perfectly raised formed a wide smile.

"Seriously?" He said while replying to my arms.

Finally now that time had stopped conspiring with fate, the two of them created this charade. The drama has now been completed, half the heart that had been separated is now back one. Although still fragile and not as strong as before, they will still protect each other. One heart that was split will now continue the rest of his life with sharp pieces that still leave wounds.

"Then what about Arka?" Whisper the man with a raucous voice in my ear.

Again I felt as if I had been dropped from the top of a skyscraper. I can't say anything. How did Arka's fate after this. Actually, Brother Sendy is the mysterious man, who I hope will return to my life. Until now his position has not been replaced by anyone, including Arka. On the one hand I also do not want to make Arka feel sad especially until heartbreak.

This man then let go of his embrace, both hands tightly holding my shoulders. There was an unspoken word that he was actually saying right now.

"Strust yourself!"

That's a figurative sentence I can pick up from his body language.

"I have to go now. Take good care of yourself." Said Brother Sendy with a smile that looks a little pushy.

I only nodded weakly towards his departure. Every single thing in this world must have experienced the same cycle. They come and go, and change. Whether it comes back or not, it is optional. Depending on destiny, man can only continue to hope. Whether the hope is that it will happen or not, humans don't care about it. What matters is that they tried. Sometimes there are things we don't deserve.

I could only stare at his back which was moving away from me. I tried to hold back the crying this time, I'm not a crybaby! I hate crying! Stop to flow!

***

I sat on the bench at the end of the door. Sitting in the dark that night. Occasionally sipping latte coffee from the small cup while enjoying live music.

I glanced at the round thing hanging on the cafe wall. Ten o'clock in the evening, one hour later the cafe is closed. I hurried to finish the latte coffee that was left a third, then pay the bill at the cashier.

I even forgot to pick up the hoodie while I was away, I was in too much of a hurry to forget about the little things that would actually be very important at times like these. Luckily I didn't forget to bring some cash in my pants pocket.

I didn't even change my clothes first. So I'm still with a t-shirt and training shorts. If you look at a glance I look like a kingpin who is wandering the streets of the capital.

I waved my hand at the sidewalk to stop a taxi coming from the north. Throughout the journey I could only remain silent.

***

"Where from?"

Suddenly the voice immediately greeted me for a moment after opening the gate. I looked at Arka with an expression I couldn't guess. He folded his hands in front of his chest while glaring at me closely. I dare not return his gaze which this time looks very creepy. I kept walking into the house without paying any heed.

"Gini's day just got home!" Said Arka once again.

This time his tone was higher. He looked serious, not joking. The clutches of his hand managed to stop my steps instantly. I let out a long sigh, then turned my body back to face this man. What business is he here anyway.

I raised one of my eyebrows, while returning the deathly gaze.

"Again I ask, where did I come from?"

Arka was clearly increasing his patience level which was slowly barely left.

"Find the wind." Short reply.

"Where are you looking for the wind? Aunt said you left the house crying and didn't say where you were going. You know, if you've been making panic all over the house. We're afraid you ran away or were reckless like that." Arka Clear.

So Arka knew I was gone from aunt. It's worth it for nights like this he's in front of my house, not usually.

"Liat yourself, I'm nothing. I'm not gonna be reckless anymore..." My answer is indifferent.

My condition is now physically tired and mentally tired. I need to take a break and win myself over for a moment, but I have to serve this guy instead. The huft!

"When you are reckless, not only are you at risk for injury, but other people can also sha."

Arka tried to give me understanding. Comeon! I don't even do that kind of thing. Why do they always think of me as a psychopath when I'm emotional. Actually, in reality, I'm far from assuming that. They're all too worried about it.

"Did I always look so dangerous in your eyes?" My toot.

I barged in even though Arka was still holding my hand. But this man's way of thinking is one step ahead, he always has a million ways I never expected. Suddenly he cornered my body in the corner of the garage door. Both of his hands locked my body to stay there. His face was only ten cent away from my face. Crazyhead!

"You know me, where did you end up?" Ask Arka while grunting in annoyance.

"You won't know ka...."

"Jawab aja sha... From where!"

"okay! I answered. I'm from the airport!"

"Airport?"

He frowned in his wonder. Arka pulled her face back a little from before me, without letting me escape from there. Thank goodness I was finally able to breathe a sigh of relief, phew...

"Well?" Ask again.

"Sister Sendy... He'll have a research assignment to Holland for a week later." I clearly.

"Don't you tell me? We can make an impression."

"I told you you wouldn't understand."

I don't know how to start. It's very hard to explain.

"I already know who the mysterious guy who always comes to my dreams you..."

Again Arka again raised her head towards me, and successfully made me have difficulty breathing again.

"Seriously?"

The eyes of the Ark were perfectly rounded.

I know if this hurts him. But I have to keep saying this.

"And he was the one I loved long ago, until now you..." I said with a sobbing voice.

I didn't even realize my tears were dripping. Arka stuck her forehead in my head. This man is also crying, I'm sorry Arka.

"We can still stay with the kayak first and then on?" Ask Arka.

The gleam of his eyes was hopeful, he cupped both of my cheeks with his hands. I can't give a definite answer for now.

"If I may be selfish, may I love you both? I don't want to lose any of you." I said while holding back my tears.

"If I too can be selfish, can I love you without having to be owned by others as well? Only I have the right to love you without ever having a good-bye. Tell me if you're destined for me."

Arka's words just now completely left me speechless.

"I know it's hard for you, and for me too. But we have to learn to accept all this." I said with wise words, but myself was fragile.

"A. I want ki.ki..ta." I said in a stammering tone.

Honestly, I'm reluctant to say that sentence, but I have to do this. Arka deserves to be happy with the heart that should have been destined for her, and certainly not me. For now there must be a heart that is willing to hold the pain in order to save the hearts of others. The heart was not fit to die because of the disappointment that killed him, stabbing him in a row.

"No sha... I don't want to..."

Arka immediately shook her head quickly. I guess he must be the same as me, it's not easy to forget everything.

"From now on you should hate me Arka. Because I deserve you to hate."

"No sha... This decision cannot be taken unilaterally."

"It may be necessary in the moment."

"Okay, we broke up!" Arka then retreated a few steps from his current position.

The sentence just now felt sharp piercing my heart. I clenched my hands tightly. I again looked up my face that had been bowed earlier, forcing a smile to expand there. A smile born from a wound.

"But I will never hate you. Because after all you are a little elf who once accompanied this dwarf. There's no reason why dwarves have the right to hate fairies."

"Carcinium..." Reply with a soft voice.

"I had to agree to this, because I knew this was the only way to make you happy. I know how long you've been covered in a million questions, a lot of puzzles, everyone present greets as if they're mysterious."

"It's time you knew everything. The answer you've been looking for all this time you've got."

"Because it's actually you who led you to that answer. All this time you follow your intuition, your inner voice and your inner bond. All of that brings you to that answer."

How could the words of Arka be this deep in meaning. Again I can't say much.

Then Arka rushed to turn on her motorcycle, speeding away from this place with an irregular emotion. While I was alone still sculpting on the spot, my body sagged to the floor. Weak helpless without the slightest energy. Even my cries are now silent, silent, silent, mute, blending in the pitch black of the night sky.