CAUGHT CHEATING (I'M SORRY!)

The Price of an Apology

"If you have to get out, let me get out of the house!"

If the price of an apology is farewell, then what can I do. Here I am, the man with millions of regrets. Now I know the hardest part is not missing Maira, but regret.

No matter how hard I try, there is still something that cannot come back, the heart of Maira. And the time that has rotated can not be returned, including the mistakes that have been done. It cannot be removed, it can only be repaired.

It's only natural that I'm angry at the universe that's playing us. Why should Maira give up, when my determination to change is already unanimous? It was as if the universe wanted me to be good, only to be left behind by Maira, not to be happy with Maira.

Through Maira's empty eyes, and her locked mouth, I began to understand, she was on the verge of despair over her own injuries. Like my feelings were too wild and decided to look for a distraction, so was the pain of Maira until she could not control.

Although it's heavy, I have to understand the big things I can't force. I surrendered. If you have to separate.

Maira was still silent, not giving me any answers.

"I go out first, let me get you a change of clothes" I said, re-wearing the scattered clothes. My wry smile grew thin, remembering the greeting 'I-You' which made our distance even further.

I deliberately left Maira for a while so that she had enough room to think. I met Lala in the lobby who had a change of clothes.

When Maira returned, she was still in the same position. Sitting hugged his own two knees, and buried his head. My gaze swept around the room, the torn dress showing how savage my compulsion was to Maira. Selfishness accompanied by lust that I can no longer bear. Again I am sorry.

"May," call me.

Maira is not flinching.

I also sat beside him.

"I won't make you apologize to me again, I don't deserve to get an apology from you. And ...."

"And ... I .. apologize for that, I tried to control it but failed, yes .. although I know, I have not been forgiven, but I want you to know, yes, I'm sorry."

If only Maira knew, she was the only one I treated like a queen. All this time if my affair ends in bed, I am the one who is treated as king, those who serve me. I often even get drunk and unconscious. After all, not all of my infidelity ended in bed, and none of it was done with a heart like Maira's.

"Let's go home, Thunder is waiting!" take me to him.

"This is his shirt, May. Let me wait outside."

Now I understand, a feeling of disappointment that makes the mouth seem locked. I no longer blame Maira for her silence. He was also sick and suffering.

I took my leg out, but something held me back. I turned around and looked back at Maira.

"May .. instead of me giving up on the situation, if I end up like this, it's because I want to stop hurting you with all my coercion."

"And I love you so much, I want you to be happy, whatever your choice."

I stepped back, and just before the door closed, I heard Maira again burst into tears.

I purposely let Maira alone, I know it's hard for her. Did Maira falter at her decision to split up?

After waiting, Maira finally came down to me in the lobby. It was midnight when we both got home. Along the way we just kept quiet, Maira who dissolved in her mind, and me, who probably started to have to get used to without Maira.

"Tomorrow I go, let me stay in the apartment, for a while" I told Maira before we went into each other's rooms.

"Oh yeah, I'll send something to your email later" I said.

"I'm planning a vacation with you after all my work is done, but .. I think you're the same kids who go, take your Tuti bik," I continued.

"All right, let me send it to your email, baby if it's off, I've paid for it in full."

Maybe I'm not worth trying to be a good husband and father. It's sad to imagine that they would finally have to laugh happily without me.

"Wait!" maira stopped my steps.

"What else is it, May?" my many.

"Stop being nice and stop being nice!" said Maira.

"You mean?"

"You're the nanya, right? How should I forgive you? Your sweet and kind attitude actually makes me parno," explained Maira.

My brain digested Maira's sentence carefully, slowly my lips smilingly realizing something.

"So you want to excuse me, May?" sumringah.

Maira did not immediately answer him, she let out a long and heavy sigh.

Instantly I rushed towards him, widened my arms and prepared to hug Maira.

"Thank you, May!"

Maira crossed both hands, as a gesture of refusing my embrace.

"I just wanted to try, I didn't say I'm sorry!" maira said, but I kept smiling.

The universe joked again, when I resigned, and sincerely let go, Maira was moved to return. Whatever it is, I like it!

We are not racing to be good, we are eroding the ego and trying to balance emotions.

***

We were all on vacation to a place that became Maira's favorite, kuboyong all the residents of the house so that the children remained there to take care of and Maira focused on our vacation.

I joked and laughed with Luna and Lintang while playing sand on the beach, I was happy. I can't imagine if Maira chose to split up, and maybe Maira would remarry, I wouldn't want another man to be a father my two daughters continued. Replace me? I must be very jealous.

At night I sometimes place fondling Thunder who do not want to sleep. Bathing, even changing her diaper while she poop. Although their nanny was involved but I wanted to take on the role of a father.

We had fun for two weeks in the neighboring country. Various tourist attractions we come to, from zoos, amusement parks, circuses, beaches, and all places that are fun for children. I really enjoyed playing the role of a father.

Not infrequently, I also had to break up Luna and Lintang who were fighting for something, it was not easy. Slowly I understood Maira's intention, that I should be present in the midst of their growth, and create an inner bond between us.

I corrected my mistakes one by one. Starting from my duties as father, and head of the family. Matterally of course they are not lacking, all this time I worked day and night. And now I feel perfect for being a faithful husband.

***

Days passed, although Maira was still cold but everything was normal as ever. Even my relationship with the children turned warm. The growth of Thunder amazed me, because honestly, for Luna and Lintang I did not follow him too much because I was busy pioneering efforts.

The maira?

Our relationship is still not completely good, I still often find him crying in the middle of the night, I don't know why. I've changed and I've never done anything weird.

All my emails and chat accounts are also connected on Maira's phone and laptop. And all assets have been transferred to the name of Maira, although Maira had refused but it has become my promise.

Sometimes Maira is cheerful, but in an instant she turns sensitive and irritable. Sometimes he is warm, very patient with children, but for some reason he can suddenly be sad and cry.

I asked her once, but Maira just said she's okay.

I gave her freedom even though my little heart objected. I was afraid that Maira would be enjoyed by other men, even if only by sight, but I realized that Maira needed space to be herself.

So what's wrong? What underlies Maira's grief and anger? I don't get it.

***

Today it is raining heavily and causing some points of the road to flood so it is difficult to pass. I was meeting outside the office, and so I was forced to be late to go home.

I gave the news to Maira so she wouldn't worry, but Tuti's bik says Maira left. I tried calling his phone many times but it wasn't picked up. I try to think positively.

Not long after a woman in a soaked shirt came to my desk, I was not alone and there were still some people from my team who were still sitting while waiting for the streets to pass.

"Maira?"

His body was wet with an oversize hoodie, of course water dripped from his wet clothes. Almost every eye in this restaurant stared at him question markingly.

"May?" seruku approached.

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