CAUGHT CHEATING (I'M SORRY!)

The Maira Defense Wall

"What do you want answers to?" I said to reply to Maira's call.

"True, you can never change" said Maira relaxed her tone.

"Why are you selfish, May? Think kids! Or maybe you already have a plan for each other so you insist on asking for separation?"

Maira was no longer afraid of losing me, it could be because she already had another man waiting for her to become a widow. Maira could have been at Risa's house back then, maybe Maira already knew but she didn't rebuke me, didn't get angry, even acted so ordinary as if she didn't know anything. Still a big question mark, actually since when did Maira know?

Maira must have been quiet because she was waiting for the momentum, a time where she could part ways and make me the guilty party. Is my guess right? I'm not accusing Maira that is not, it's just that her courage to ask for separation from me feels very awkward.

"As for you, please accuse me, I don't care" Maira said dismissively.

There was no more love in Maira's eyes. It was like being thrown away, wasted, and feeling no longer valuable. No, I don't want Maira to belong to anyone else. Wait, I must have been wrong, I must have seen Maira's eyes again.

"What do you mean, May?" I pulled Maira's hand rough.

"So you really want a divorce because there are others? You have an affair too, huh!" seruku.

"Dirty people must think others are as dirty as they are" Maira said, looking into my eyes, welcoming my emotions with piercing lines.

"I'm not defending myself, it doesn't mean I'm agreeing with your accusations. But I get it, if your way of thinking is rich!" continued Maira.

"You! Who committed a great sin!" maira continued while trying to take her wrist off me.

"Buddy! Not recriminate!" Maira.

I reattached the grip on Maira's wrist that was beginning to loosen. Interestingly again it became closer, until our faces were only a few centi apart.

"I'm sorry! Say it! I have to make a good treatment! I'm sorry, begging you, but you don't care. Wh why? Less? Should I kiss your feet, huh?" I cried right in her face, Maira tried to back her face in fear.

I realized that after this I would regret the emotion, but it hurts to hold back this angry outburst. I just want Maira to know that I've been converted, and have really wanted to stop being an evil husband. I want Maira to open her eyes.

Maira tried to avoid the anger in my eyes, but my lockdown left her with little other place to cast her gaze. Her eyes were shaking, I wanted to see love, but Maira was showing fear. Maira breathed in a limited manner and slowly began to gasp due to the lack of air. I didn't mean to torture her, I just wanted my soul back, albeit with a little coercion.

"After this you will understand" said Maira slowly.

"That everything has consequences" Maira continued.

"What do you mean?" my many impatient, high emotions and passionate desires on the locked road made me have trouble digesting Maira's sentence.

"You must accept that my heart .. is broken because of what you did!" she said her eyes had changed, and Maira had overcome her fear.

Clear circles escaped from the corners of his eyes, implying extreme pain. And I realized, it was a wound I had inflicted on him. Maira tried hard by raising the corner of her lips, smiling wryly. It was as if laughing at himself being hurt.

"You have to accept, if my love is dead, you're gone, you kill!" continued Maira.

From the look of his eyes began to look a dark hallway, a place where he was cornered and desperate. Until finally he was tired, and resigned.

"Do you think I'm okay? You think it's easy to heal from that wound?" ask Maira with lara.

"I'm sick and numb! I don't know what my fault is! I don't know what my cage is! I try to be a good couple. But it's just pain, pain, and pain that you keep loving until I forget myself, forget who Maira is, I'm just a helpless wife that you keep hurting!" maira said with gasps.

My anger collapses instantly alternating with guilt, feeling deeply guilty towards Maira. I was scared and very scared. I tightly hugged Maira's body, very tightly for fear that she would leave.

Maira's defense was shattered, she was crying in my arms. Take out the pain she was trying to press all this time. His cold demeanor was just a fake wall of wounds that left him numb.

"Sorry papah, Mah! Sorry papah!" whispered to him.

Maira's cry became more and more, she roared in my arms. His hand hit me on the back until I finally loosened my arms, leaving Maira's hand free to hit me. I just let Maira vent her pain. I accept it with such low self-esteem, even I deserve more than this.

"You're evil!"

"You're breng*ek!"

"Not knowing yourself!"

"Criminals!"

Maira kept cursing, hitting, clawing, even spitting. But I just kept quiet. My heart was broken to see Maira's wounds that I took lightly, it turned out that the wound actually destroyed Maira from the inside.

Yours, Maira!

I'm willing!

I hope you will be relieved!

Maira cried and her body started to weaken. I managed to tear it down, despite having to open the veil in my eyes and see it full of wounds.

By Maira, Luna, Latitude, and Thunder. I'm gonna change. I promise!

I just lowered my head, my appearance was a mess, some parts of my body were sore from Maira's scratch and punch. But I like, anything for Maira. We both stayed silent for a long time.

"Huh?" I was just surprised, did Maira still not allow me to be around her?

"Love me time, we better introspect each other, I need to be alone and away from you!" maira pinta.

"But, May-"

"Go .. please!" maira firmly without seeing me.

I was silent, considering Maira's request, but I was desperate to sleep in her arms. Regretting every stupidity I've done to make him languish.

"Promise, May! Don't even think about splitting up, we .. um, I mean .. I'll focus on improving myself for you and the kids" I said.

"I didn't promise!" maira replied with a hollow laugh. I was disappointed with Maira's reply.

With a heavy heart I left our room, letting Maira get the space she wanted. I stayed away just to hold her tighter. I'm not letting go of Maira.

Before I go to bed I take a few pieces of ice to compress my wounds, there's an important meeting tomorrow, I have to keep looking good. I chose Luna and Lintang's room to rest tonight. The two daughters that Maira was worried about would inherit karma from me.

Forgive me, Son!

To be honest, I never cheated with my heart. Not even all of my cheating ended up in bed. Sometimes I just need a friend to talk to, a friend who accepts me for who I am without demanding a lot of responsibility from me. It is only the pleasure we give each other.

I think I was just a little wrong, because none of those women I thought would replace Maira. Just a distraction when I'm tired of acting perfect.

But unlike the standard Maira, when I laugh because other women besides her, it is considered cheating. Narrow understanding, to make me violate further to tell Maira the meaning of cheating in our opinion men.

I regret.

I want Maira to heal.

***

"Wa ... Why your face?" ask mom at the breakfast table.

"No papa!" Maira looks misbehaved, mother watches me in more detail after seeing some signs of love from Maira.

"Battered kok?" continued mom wants to know.

I kept quiet and didn't answer and I seemed to understand what had happened.

"Don't talk about it, Mom! I'm not papa anyway" I whispered to my mother, as Maira went to Luna and Lintang. Don't forget I smiled at you, so you know I'm okay.

I understood my point and stopped finding out about what had happened between me and Maira.

After breakfast I saw Maira not in the living room, I looked for her around every corner, and I found Maira daydreaming on the balcony.

"She's looking from earlier even here," I said as I approached.

"Have your mother come home" said Maira suddenly.

"What?" many surprised.

"Mother here help you take care of the children, let you not get tired!"

"There's a Tuti bik!" answer's short.

I paused for a moment to think about where Maira was talking. Maybe Maira was uncomfortable because of my mother's question on my condition.

"Well, but then yes, because I have to go out of town for a few days, let me calm down you're the same mother," I said.

"Now!" Maira.

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