The Monster In Me

Gravely

“Hah .. I tried, but they insisted that no one should pass through the barricade,” complained Irwan after he re-entered his car. He leaned weakly on the back of the chair he was sitting on. “They also do not want to tell anything because all the information they have has not been confirmed. I don't think we'll get anything by staying here.”

For a few seconds, Irwan was silent. Waiting for his wife and child to respond to the information he just conveyed. However, no one made a sound. The stifling silence made Irwan unbutton the top of his shirt, then turned to look at Adnan and Dewi.

Both Irwan's eyes then widened to find that in the back seat there was only the Goddess who drooped limp. Looking towards him with hanging eyelids. The goddess can only smile thinly to convey that she is fine. Despite that, Irwan still rushed up to him and sat down by his side.

“What is this? Where is Adnan?” The man asked nervously. His two hands grabbed the Goddess' body carefully, directing his wife to lean onto her shoulders, while he ensured that the Goddess' body temperature was still within normal limits. “Since when are you alone here? Why didn't Adnan let me know before he left?”

The goddess closed her eyes for a moment. His body really felt powerless with all the worries that made him claustrophobic. No matter how deep he breathed, it never felt enough. Even the gentle rubbing of the husband on his head did not make him feel comfortable.

Maybe because he knew, that Adira out there could not enjoy this kind of comfort at all. Perhaps it was because the Goddess could not stop imagining how tormented her youngest child was right now, while she just drooped weakly helplessly.

“I ... really useless,” shriek Goddess later.

Irwan who was busy condemning Adnan was not able to catch the words of his wife. “What did you say?”

“I .. no. We are useless parents.” The goddess gathered all her strength to uphold her sitting position. “Out here, we can only resign and leave everything to the authorities. Though our son is fighting for his life.”

Hearing that, Irwan then exhaled a heavy breath. “I guess we're done talking about this.”

“No, will never be finished.” Tears began to flow from the corner of the Goddess's eyes. “And if anything happens to Adira, I will never forget how bad we are.”

Irwan moved away from the Goddess. Automatically makes his hands no longer embrace the wife. The man chose to look out the window, noticing how the other parents were still struggling to negotiate with the police officers. In his head, Irwan continued to denigrate the actions of the parents, knowing that nothing would change the decision of the authorities. However, deep down, he was quite amazed at the persistence of those people.

Perhaps it is true, that he is not the best parent to be proud of his two children. That he and Dewi still have many weaknesses to often hurt or disappoint their children accidentally. Although forced, Irwan must admit that, because after all, being a parent is a lifelong learning process. No matter how many guidebooks to raising and educating children are scattered out there, it still takes experience and self-reliance for him to be the best father.

Unfortunately, Irwan often forget all that because his fatigue and low emotional control make him often drown in anger, and vent his frustration to Adnan and Adira.

“How am I not upset? They always disappoint me, especially Adnan,” Irwan lamented in his heart. He began to look for excuses to justify his actions, as usual. “Look at it! Now she went out of nowhere, leaving her mother who was clearly drooping weakly like this.”

“Ya, already. You calm down, yeah. Now I have to find Adnan first,” said Irwan finally while looking for a phone in his pocket. Immediately he looked for the contact number of the firstborn and waited until the connecting tone was no longer heard. “Where, anyway, the kid? It can make older people more dizzy! Watch out later, once he gets back, I'll teach him a lesson!”

Irwan close his lips. Refraining himself from responding to his wife's words, because he knew, once arguing he would not be able to stop. Especially at this time Adnan did not raise his call, Irwan could feel the roar of anger ready to explode inside his chest.

***

“I .. lo-love you! I love ... you!”

Adnan looked at a teddy bear that kept making weak sounds near his feet. The young man looked around, looking at the myriad of playground accessories lying in various places. Most of them are no longer able to recognize the shape, while others are lucky enough to fall on the side of the road. Far from the risk of being trampled or attacked by zombies.

Like a teddy bear that Adnan now holds with both hands. The doll was only slightly exposed to dirt and blood stains in some places. The back of it that contains the battery is also seen exposed, with some wires sticking out to the surface. It seems that the poor doll was thrown and fell hard on the street. Make some of its functions broken.

However, it seemed that he would not give up on spreading affection to the entire corner of the already chaotic Cakrabuana Playground. Evidently with his voice that continues to express the word love to make Adnan a little smile.

“Sister! Stop pressing her doll belly like that! We attract the attention of everyone here!”

Again he again remembered his memories with Adira, which was the time where they visited Pasar Raya not far from home. The market is only present once per month in their area, so Adnan always make sure that he had time to take Adira there before it was too late.

One thing that has always been the main concern of Adira is the variety of food and drinks sold there. Adnan always makes sure that the contents of his wallet are enough to buy whatever Adira wants. He even actually wants Adira to ask for something that is far more valuable than a snack.

“See this doll! He can say I love you, Dir! Are you sure you don't want to buy?” At that time Adnan continued to seduce Adira while pressing the belly of the teddy bear, which in the end, he only received a light blow on the shoulder in return.

“I don't want to! I better buy a book of knowledge like Brother! I'll love whatever you like! I will also continue to study hard to be like Big Brother!”

Suddenly Adnan fell. The puppet in his hand just slipped away, rolled away from him and stopped making a sound. The young man was silent for a while, noticing his red-stained feet and starting to give off an unpleasant smell. Both of his hands rubbed his face firmly.

“I'm a lousy Brother, Dir. Don't want to be like me.”

***