The Monster In Me

Who's the Wrong one?

Irwan stepped past the corridor and stood in front of the door of Adnan's room which was not tightly closed. He could see the young man staring at his phone screen in silence. The position of Adnan who turned his back on the entrance made Irwan unable to see his son's expression clearly. However, the vibrations on both shoulders of the young man showed that Adnan was crying without a sound.

Without wasting any more time, Irwan cleared his throat and stepped inside. Adnan's reflex turned around and looked at the father questioningly. “What from the police no one contacted us, Dad? Or the school? I kept looking for news that reported the current situation of the playground, but I never found it.” Adnan's voice rang out trembling, inversely proportional to the gaze of his eyes that exuded an incredible determination. That young man must have managed to strengthen himself to remain steadfast in the face of the current situation.

Irwan should be proud to see how he has managed to educate Adnan to be a strong brother physically and mentally also very fond of his sister, Adira. However, Irwan did not seem at all happy with it all. His two lips never even smiled a single thin smile. The man just walked straight up to Adnan with both hands clenched.

Until the distance with the child was close enough, Irwan's calluses hit Adnan's jaw hard. The young man groaned in pain while holding his jaw that was hit, while his other hand propped up his almost fallen body lying down.

“What's my fault this time?” asked Adnan in a loud voice. Stare at his cell phone, which is now lying on the floor for a few seconds before glaring back at his father. “There's no time to finish me off now, Dad. We should have put all our time and effort into finding a way to save Adira!”

Irwan snorted as he flicked his hand which he had used to punch Adnan. His age that was no longer easy made him easily feel numb and tingling. In fact, since long ago, he was very accustomed to punishing the boy in the same way. “If only from the beginning you never defied the rules of Father, none of this would have happened.”

Adnan widened his eyes to hear that. He did not think at all that the father would be childish by spilling all the blame on him. As if all this wasn't enough to torture Adnan. It was as if Adnan never blamed himself for neglecting to look after Adira.

“Why are you staring at Dad like that?” asked Irwan as he moved and sat on Adnan's bed. Seated chest with both eyes did not stop staring at Adnan sharply. “Have you forgotten what you did that day? Then let me remind you one more time.”

“No need,” Adnan reply quickly. He really still remembers everything. Irwan did not need to add salt to the wounds that Adnan suffered.

However, Irwan is not his name if he is able to detect the suffering of the child well. Irwan always thinks that teenagers are dissidents who must be faced with assertiveness and violence. In this case, Irwan will not stop exposing all the weaknesses of Adnan before his eldest son was really seen tormented by circumstances.

“Daddy still remembers how you came to Dad haughtily on that day.” Irwan began to tell stories while watching Adnan's expression change who was still sitting limp on the floor. “You said Dad made a mistake in educating Adira to make your sister crazy to study and rarely play with friends his age.”

Irwan shook his head with a scowled face. “You know? I always demand perfection from you. Because after all, you are the oldest and only boy in this house. You have to grow and develop to the maximum,” said the man as he rose. He slowly walked closer to Adnan. “Never once did I demand the same from your sister. Adira herself wants to be perfect because she grew up seeing you as a role model. So, I don't have to bother.”

Adnan could feel how his throat was choked hearing all that. All this time he never knew that indirectly he had helped the father to form the personality of Adira. Irwan never educates Adira out loud, but Adira sees how the consequences Adnan gets from Irwan whenever he does not meet his father's expectations. Adira is never required to be perfect, but the girl witnesses how perfection makes Adnan look so radiant, without realizing that it is all just on the surface.

Indeed Adnan continues to drown in endless darkness. He was used to just walking on the path that his father had prepared so that he no longer knew the real purpose he wanted. Adnan could not continue life without the demands of his father who he always made a benchmark every time he made a choice. The young man felt that he was not a full-fledged human being who had his own free will.

Adnan doesn't want Adira to turn out to be like him. Therefore, after hearing that their school again held a tourist work to celebrate the class increase of the 10th grade students to the 11th grade, Adnan went to meet Irwan alone. Give up all the ability of his brain and tongue to negotiate with his father. The young man continued to convey various benefits that Adira would get if he followed the work of tourism. He even compared Adira's social life with that of a girl his sister's age. Indeed Adira is quite seen to have difficulty mingling with other teenagers because of his closed attitude and prefers learning activities rather than playing.

“You said Adira became a loner and was being secretive because of Dad. Dad said it was only temporary, because you used to be like that too. But you still insist on making your sister go play with her peers.” Irwan said calmly. It was as if all the panic and anger he had just felt had never come upon him. “Father was forced to grant your request because you said you would be more trying to get perfect grades on all subjects in the exam later.”

“And I'm really determined to make it happen!”

“Are you sure? Although maybe you will never meet Adira again because of your own fault?”

Irwan's question was so piercing. Plunged sharply into the depths of Adnan's heart and absorbed all the remaining strength. The young man looked empty. Both of his hands shook, but he did not know where to put his hands. Does he have to wipe his chest that feels pain and tightness? Or to her eyes that begin to be overshadowed by tears? Or maybe he should have thrown the nearest heavy object at his father.

He had not been able to do anything when Irwan went out of the room. “Quickly prepare. We'll be going to pick up Adira soon!”

***