The Cost of Trust

His busy work makes me forget

"Tomorrow morning mas leave for Semarang deck. There's a task to monitor the project location with your mas teammate!"

"How long is it?"

"Two or three days. Depending on what the conditions are like" he said flatly.

"Please prepare clothes, anticipate yes just prepare for the next 3 days."

"Yes mas!"

I prepared some clothes. Do not forget toiletries and prayers. This is not the first time Mas Aziz has left town for work. But since the last 6 months, I feel the busy Aziz mas greatly reduce the intensity of our meeting. I've been married to Aziz for 3 years. To this day, we have not been given any children. At first, maybe it was because I was still working. Until I finally stopped working, devoted myself to my husband. Just being a housewife. About finances, maybe Aziz never gave it less for me. Monthly salary, pocket money to the needs of the house there is no obstacle whatsoever.Even my savings during my work was still there.I only sometimes feel lonely. Why do I enjoy all the facilities alone? I have a husband, but I rarely see anything else to do more....

"Sir.!", call him.

I looked at Aziz. Stop packing his clothes in the suitcase.

I approached her after closing the suitcase.

Mas Aziz held me in his arms.

"I'm sorry mas yes, if mas is too busy with the work of the mas all this time" he said while stroking the top of my head. I nodded . This is not the first time he has done it. But after that, he just let me fall asleep in his arms. Doesn't he need me to finish his wish again? In a week we don't necessarily do that. If I don't start, Aziz doesn't even have the initiative. I'mtired. Tired of pretending there was nothing. I'm trying to install myself. Is there something wrong with me? Have I not drawn before my husband's eyes?

I broke away from his embrace.Try to stand from the cot where we lay unwinded all this time.

But Aziz grabbed my hand again.

"Daddy, you mind getting out of town again?"

I'm shaking. I try to continue my steps to get out of the room. But again and again Aziz grabbed me.

Hugging my body from behind. Kissing my neck that is not wearing a hijab. The thing he forgot, when he did it.

I raised my head. Holding back tears from falling on my cheeks. I didn't respond. I don't know, there's a very disturbing feeling in my heart. Mas Aziz turned my body around to face him.

Gently rubbed my cheek.

"Please apologize deck, if lately mas can not meet your inner needs.But mas promise, after the Semarang project is finished we take a vacation, we spend time together.Pay all the time the mas seized."He assured me, But this is also the umpteenth time he made a promise. I'm used to his unfulfilled promises.

"Dek, speak! Mas don't like it if you keep quiet like this?!", Aziz's voice began to rise. Am I scared?No. gabe. I let him raise his voice at me. Aziz was a gentle man, rarely speaking. While me? I am Diandra Saputri, a protest-loving woman who likes to criticize things but now, I choose silence. Choose to save my voice for the important things only. I am not the old me.

I stood before my husband.Will he realize his mistake?

Maybe Aziz was tired, tired of my "residence.

Finally Aziz grabbed me, pushed me to the couch.And we did the thing I really needed all this time.But, it all felt bland to me.

The activity is over, we've done it both. I got up from the bed, picking up my clothes that were strewn around the couch. I saw that Aziz was still asleep, probably exhausted after the battle.

I went to the bathroom.Cleaned my whole body.Cold water no longer felt.Only a sense of tightness that echoed in my chest.

Immediately I faced myself to the Divine after the dawn of dawn reverberated.After some time, Aziz woke up. Looking at me who was still resting on the prayer mat.

I folded my prayer mat and my face, and then I went out of the room to the kitchen.

I prepared breakfast for Aziz.Then I made a cup of hot coffee.

Mas Aziz exited the room as I was heading towards the back porch to wash my clothes.

"Sir, accompany breakfast!", he said.

I turned around, I recited my intention to wash clothes.We sat facing.I poured rice on his plate.Taking a piece of chicken and mustard stir fry to know the favorite mas Aziz.He ate with all the food I cooked.

"didn't you eat deck?"

I'm shaking. I was still silent, I sat in front of him just to accompany him to a meal.

At 7am Aziz said goodbye, I handed him his suitcase and backpack.

"You don't want to drive the deck?", asked Aziz to me. I'm shaking.

"Yes, you're angry, you're careful at home!"

Mas Aziz boarded the online taxi that had been waiting for him from earlier.About a long time later, the car also moved away from our yard.

Aziz

Since I came home from work yesterday afternoon, why did Dian's attitude change.She was silent like never before.Is she getting bored?Start to mind if I get out of town often?Butwhy?I was wrong.Tak can not always meet his inner needs.But, I do feel tired.My activity is dense, making my body always feel tired.Especially if I have to do 'things' it.Honestly, my body is always tired,I feel guilty to Diandra.Mamah always blame Dian because she never got pregnant.When the mistake is on me, who rarely has time for my wife.

I opened my phone and checked if anyone was missed by my vision.

I checked one by one.Until my eyes finally focused on the chat between me and my mom and Lili.

\[Aziz, you should just leave your barren wife.Are you not now in the same office as Lili?\]

\[Why does my mom have such thoughts?\]

\[Yes, I think Lili is the right woman for you.You don't want to divorce your wife, at least she should accept it in honey\]

\[Oh Allah ma, as for women why do mama have to talk that way?\]

\[what's wrong if you want to have grandchildren? mama is old Aziz.Get it! Mama wants to talk directly to you, but you're busy constantly.If mama calls must be your barren wife hears her.\]

Oh Allah, is it because this Diandra silences me.However mama.I also did not expect if my wife replied to my mama's message.Although I never forbid Dian open my phone.

I continued the second chat.Lili.

\[ Mas, our room next door right?Ordinary rich!\]

\[Should?\]

\[Yes mas, if there is anything I can easily call you!\]

\[Oh yes, your mama called me. sometime I may see you again my former future-in-law heheheh(emoticon smile)\]

After that there was no reply.I took a breath, my chest felt very tight....may Diandra do not misunderstand.I am still her husband who God willing will always be loyal to her.Ingin it feels like I canceled my trip to Semarang.Speaking from heart to heart with Diandra, my dear wife.