THE ANGEL I HURT

Dady

I took Levi for a walk in a mall downtown. I was wearing a navy t-shirt that was pretty tight on my body.

I ordered the shirt at a clothing store. I accidentally ordered one of the same t-shirts but for Levi. I love to wear the same clothes as him when we walk the street.

Levi who inherited my good looks was really cool when he who I used to wear glasses wearing sunglasses that I bought for him the other day.

I did not feel young anymore, but I was satisfied to see the reflection of my own face in the mirror. This past year I deliberately let fur grow around my face so that I looked thin. It just adds a cool impression to me.

Actually I let my face a little bewok not intentionally want to look cool or follow fashion but I only try to run the sunnah of the prophet.

I learned a lot about religion from Hana's father. I still met him until his last. He died of the illness he suffered.

I'm also happy that my best friend Dion, who married Hana, has changed a lot. The older we get, the better we get.

I realize that my mistakes are still mounting and that what I have achieved until now has not been able to erase the sins of my past.

"Hot daddy,,,, "

"Single daddy,,, "

That's a word I hear a lot from the lips of the woman I meet every time I take Levi with me.

Maybe with Levi who I was so attached they could conclude that I was his father. I don't care if they speculate badly about my marriage.

The truth is that something bad happened,,,, actually,,,

To be honest I was used to the seductive gazes of those women. Even before I knew Chaira, women always idolized me.

But even though women still love to tease me, my heart still firmly grips the name Chaira.

I never flinch even though they put up all the action to attract my attention. I'm just a person in my heart so I can keep my heart only for Chaira.

I'm happy even though I'm just a single daddy, I'm even proud because until now I can still survive in my solitude.

I'm proud of my fragile heart for still being so strong as to hold my loyalty to Chaira.

I was able to survive all this time without himself standing by me,, I was able to drive away my passions that sometimes seduced me when I passed my night..

I could always drive him away by immediately taking ablution and submerging myself in the sacred verse I read,,,, that is,,,

I'm strong, baby,,, I'm,,,,

My love for you and for HIM is getting bigger and bigger,,,

It's just that my fragile heart that is still full of thousands of regrets must again feel broken every time Levi sulked because he wanted Chaira's presence with us too.

Like that afternoon baby,,,,, like,,,,

"Mother why the hell mother never want to join Levi stay at home dad?" Whiney Levi this afternoon when I picked him up.

We looked at each other. Ray who was there just kept quiet as if giving an opportunity to one of us to explain.

He did not not want to interfere but rather leave it to us as his original parents to choose the right sentence for us to convey to Levi who certainly could not understand.

"Levi, mother, do you have to take care of the Princess' sister with Rayya's sister, son, if you come with Levi to the house father who will accompany the sister?" Chaira broke our silence and tried to give an excuse.

"There's abi at home" Levi replied

Ray who heard his name was called directly crouched in front of Levi.

"Honey, abi can't if you keep Rayya's sister without mother. Rayya's sister drank her milk with her mother. Pity dong if the mother goes with Levi, later Rayya's sister thirsty how dong dear?" Ray tries to follow the plot Chaira made.

I feel my heart back when I hear and see it all.

I'm the cause of all this messing up, and now I'm making Chaira have to rack her brains to tell me what the reason behind her inability is to go with Levi.

I'm sorry my bidadar,,,,, I,,,

Forgive Levi's father,,,, I'm sorry,,,

"Levi,," I opened my voice.

I squatted down to face my little prince. I saw the dissatisfaction in his eyes with Chaira and Ray's explanation earlier.

I stroked her head and kissed her forehead. Chaira and Ray looked at me and wanted to hear what I was about to say to Levi.

" I'm sorry, son, I promise, someday when Levi's older, I can understand, I'll explain everything. So Levi has to eat a lot,, drink milk, let's get big fast. Later, I invite Levi to tell me about father and mother, Yes baby" I said.

"Means Levi should want to eat vegetables as well as fruit is dad?" tanyanya sparkling

"Yes doooonggg,, "I cried no less excited.

"Bundaaa, later make Levi a good food yes let Levi eat a lot. Let Levi quickly gedeee,, fast high also kayak Daddy's equal abi" Levi draws a spoiled narick of Chaira's hand.

I know, baby,, I know,,,

You held deep sorrow when you said it,,,

You must have felt what the late Umi felt when he had to lie to make you stop whining asking for the presence of your late brother,,,

I'm sorry my bidadar,,,,, I,,,

My heart ached to see a clear grain in his eyes that began to drip but immediately swiped so that Levi did not see it.

I went back to making him hurt God, God, forgive me,,,,

"Come on, Levi, I'm waiting. Later don't be naughty at dad's place yeah" Ray tried to make Levi let go of Chaira's hand because he knew Chaira couldn't hold back her tears.

And sure enough, as soon as Levi let go of her hand she immediately went inside.

I know you must be crying baby, I want to feel like I'm coming in and resting at your feet so you'll forgive me once again.

I want to go in and give you strength and convince you that I'll be responsible for admitting everything to Levi when he grows up,, that is,,,

I want to chase you in and beg you to be able to raise your heart for a while until the time comes when Levi understands.,, you know.,,,

I'm sorry for the endless wounds I've given,,,,,, for,,,,

It's really all my fault,,, really,,,

"Thank you Ray for helping me explain to Levi" I told Ray when Levi got into the car.

"I beg you to apologize to Chaira, I also want to apologize to you because you also have to think about how to explain to Levi" I gently apologized to Ray.

Ray just patted my shoulder. She smiles. I returned her smile and immediately withdrew.

"Wait for Dare" stop it.

He came in and took something.

"Yours" she handed me something.

I saw what he gave me.

My diary, how can it be in Ray's hands? It's only a matter of days that I can't find him.

"Ray, here, how can it be on you? "manyou wonder.

"I found it in Levi's bag. Maybe he accidentally put it in while packing" Ray said flatly.

I patted my own eel when I remembered the last time Levi stayed over I didn't check again if all the stuff he brought home.

"Sorry Ray it's my fault, I didn't check the bag first" I said.

Ray smiled at hearing that.

"Thank you for your great love for my wife. But as a fellow adult, I want you to still be able to accept the fact that he is currently mine, Dare" Ray said a sentence that surprised me.

I'm speechless.

"I'm sorry I accidentally read your diary" Ray said.

"Ray,, me, "I can't go on with my words.

There was a certain guilt in my heart for him. But I don't know how to. I still love Chaira so much.

"Ayaaaahhhh ayooooo" Levi's voice resuscitated me.

"I say goodbye to Ray, Assalamualaikum" I said briefly.

I immediately ran towards the car without waiting for Ray to answer. I started taking my car out of the house.

Chaira wiped away her tears as she looked at us who had left from behind the window of her room.

"I'm sorry mom, son, you really have no power to accept your dad back first. Forgive mother if the weakness of the mother that makes you have to feel what mother felt first dear" he said.

Ray who had just entered the room hugged himself from behind and calmed him down. Chaira turned her body to face Ray. She buried her face in the chest of her husband's field.

She was crying there. He pours his pain there.

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