THE ANGEL I HURT

Be happy

"I accept the marriage and marriage of Chaira Fajira bint the deceased Dahlan with the dowry paid in cash!!!!" Ray said that sentence loudly and firmly.

" Saaahhhhh" the witnesses answered in unison when the ruler asked.

"Alhamdulillah" exclaimed everyone.

Except me,, yeah,,,

I started crying in my own slump. I decided to attend their wedding even though my heart rejected it.

However, I don't want to disappoint Chaira again by not attending her wedding.

I saw Chaira start kissing Ray's hand, her husband, her,,,

My heart again hurt to see my woman who had been keeping her chastity was finally touched by another man. I was jealous to imagine Ray would get his permission to have him as completely as I used to.

I'm jealous to imagine when Ray opens Chaira's veil,,,

I'm not even willing to imagine when Ray's naughty eyes look at my woman's body, though,,

God,,,

I'm really not willing.

I want to take Chaira's run right now, I'm hiding a meeting so no one can find her but me.

My selfishness began to eat away at my soul. I was at the peak of my jealousy when I saw Chaira resignedly as Ray gentled his forehead.

"Lord, keep me away from all these feelings. Protect me so that I can avoid doing what hurt him again" I kept praying that God would help me calm my rebellious soul.

The guests took turns congratulating them.

I remove my tears. I'm stepping forward. I made myself step closer to them both. I also want to congratulate both of them.

Whether I'm sincere or not to say it, I obviously did it because I just wanted Chaira to be unencumbered.

If I do something weird like interrupt their marriage it's the same as hurting her again. But if I do congratulate them, Chaira will be happy.

At least for now his happiness is my main goal. I was willing to put my own feelings aside.

"Bettle,,,"

I gasped when I realized my turn to say hello had arrived. I was standing in front of Ray. I saw my woman standing next to him staring at me.

Those eyes, that, that,,,

Ahhh,,, uh,,,

I'm so fascinated by those eyes, I really am and still love the owner of those eyes.

"Oh my god,,, that's,,,

Please throw away this taste for a moment, give me the strength to say a word or two to them." My inner self.

"Congratulations, may you be a happy family, a mawadah and a warohmah" I said in a stifled voice.

"Thank you Dare" said Ray.

I hugged Ray. Ray calmly hugged me back and patted my back. As a real man, he knows how I feel.

She also felt it when she congratulated me on my wedding. But I did not understand at all how he felt.

"I leave him to you, take care of him," I said to Ray half-whispering.

Ray let go of his embrace and looked me in the eye.

"Surely" he answered

I turned to face Chaira. No matter how much I wanted to hug her, I knew she wouldn't be willing. So I tried to hold myself back.

"Congratulations, Chai," that short sentence is all I can say.

"Thank you Dare you're here. Your presence is very much what I expect." he said.

I smiled wryly hearing it.

"Blessed" my message.

"Thank you Dare, "his voice sounded soft.

I immediately shifted and immediately left the place. I'm out carrying all the lara in my heart. I drove my car fast.

I turned in the courtyard of a mosque after a while ago hearing the sound of adhan from the mini radio in my car. I immediately took ablution water and started to establish prayers. Coincidentally time has entered the time of dhuhur.

I who arrived late was forced to pray alone because the worshipers were finished. There were only a few people there, including me.

"O Lord, forgive me all my sins. I want to repent. I've hurt and disappointed your angel. I have truly wronged YOU for being negligent.

I know now that my regrets will not bring him back to me but I ask You to give me strength and patience to accept this reality.

This despicable Me wants to always walk your path. Learn to be a good human being. Guide me,,,,, "

A long line of prayers I said was accompanied by a melt of my tears that had no stop. I don't care if there might be some people who hear me or even mock me who keep crying.

"God only misses you, son, so He gives you trials and rebukes like this. That you may remember HIM." said the man.

"Can a sinner like me still be forgiven?" Ask her.

Kyai sir is sitting next to me. She smiles.

"What have you done, son?" tannya

I'm bowed. I am ashamed to answer that question. My tears are back.

"I have accused my sholeh wife of having an affair, I have even accused her of murdering my mother, "I plainly acknowledge the line of my actions

"Astaghfirullah, accusing women of adultery or cheating is one of the deeds done by HIM son, have you apologized to him? " ask Kyai

"Already sir, "smooth me.

I'm getting wry at the word curse,,,, I,,,

"Then repent, you are fortunate to have received forgiveness from him and therefore repent, do not waste the rest of your life doing things that are not liked by HIM anymore" he said.

We're in serious talks. I learned a lot about religion from him. I even told her that I wanted to come to her house often to study religion.

"Surely son, come. My door is wide open for people who want to study religion. I'm glad to be your guide" he said.

After that I drove him home. A middle-aged woman greeted him. Mr. Kyai let me in and introduced him to his wife.

His wife prepared a warm drink and some warm snacks for me.

"Assalamualaikum" a carefree voice sounded.

"Waalaikumsalam" we answered in unison.

"Well, this is Hana, father's daughter. Hana, this is Darren's son. He wanted to learn more about religion. Maybe you can also help him and learn together" said Mr. Kyai.

"Hana tau sir, Hana knows how. But maybe he forgot about Hana" he said.

I frowned and heard him say that.

"Sorry, where have we met before?"ask me because I really don't remember it.

Hana smiling.

" I was an intern at my father's company. At that time I fainted and my father helped take me to the hospital" he said.

I'm trying to remember again.

My memories instantly moved to a few years ago when I was newly married to Chaira. Hana is one of the smart interns.

There is nothing special about the memories of that time because I just happened to help him when he suddenly collapsed in the elevator when he was alone with me.

I never put my heart on him. I who at that time only loved Chaira, even until now only she who I love.

"Oh yeah, I remember you were a fainted employee in the elevator" I replied after being convinced it was true with my memory.

"Hahahah yes sir, I'm sorry to bother you so much at that time. I haven't even had a chance to thank you father because it just so happened to be my last day of internship. Thank you sir for helping me" he said in a cheerful voice.

"Call Darren" I said

We sat in the courtyard of the house which provided a garden chair in the middle. We had a small talk afterwards.we talked about work and other light things.

Hannah,,,

She's not as pretty as my face, her straight hair is short as a shoulder without a hijab. I don't want to judge her as inappropriate because she's the daughter of a kyai.

I'm still even despicable. Mr. Kyai asked us to study religion together.

I lyrics Hana who laughs when telling her that time fainted because she did not have time to eat from the morning so many tasks that I gave.

Almost nothing special about him, but his voice was able to help me forget for a moment what happened in the bridal room that night.

I dare not imagine it.

I'm afraid my heart is burning with jealous fire again and I'm afraid I'm the jealous one doing the bad thing that's going to hurt her again.

In the crisp laughter of Hana sitting next to me tonight I just asked in my heart,,,

"Have you allowed Ray to open your veil like you let me go, baby?"

I don't want your beauty hidden behind your hijab to be enjoyed by another man,,, you know,,,

"Hey, don't be sad, I don't know what you're thinking, Dare, but I'm sure tonight we're destined to meet again to share our feelings,,,,, I know,,, so our meeting tonight let's start with happiness,,, Come on Dare,, Be Happy, Be it for yourself or for others" Hana said

"You're right, you're right, Blessed is Dare,,,, Happy is Hana," I followed her carefree tone.

"Blessed is Chaira, " whispered my heart

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