THE ANGEL I HURT

New sheet

I brought Chaira back to our house. I will make her my only queen again.

"why dear" I wondered as Chaira stopped her steps into our house

Chaira was silent and her eyes went around staring at the building of her house and courtyard. I don't get it. I saw him seem to take a deep breath and then exhale. It was like a heavy burden was being released. For a moment I tried to guess what he was thinking.

"Maybe there's a sense of trauma in him? This house has incised many wounds in his heart, and it's all because of me" my inner self

"honey, "I touched his shoulder.

"Let's go in, baby" he asked

I nodded and opened the door for her. Chaira stepped her feet steadily after saying her greetings and I replied as I entered. I guided her up the stairs and back into our room. Once again I saw him breathing a long sigh. I really don't feel comfortable with that.

"Darling, if it's hard for you to stay here because there's too many bitter memories I've made, I wouldn't mind if you wanted us to move on" I said

I really don't want to force him. Chaira who was opening her veil turned to me. I once again admired his face.

"is it true, dear?" tannya

I immediately nodded in agreement

"But mama???" Chaira feels bad for mama considering this house is a gift from mama papa

"It's okay, baby, we can ask for good permission from them" I said

My chaira smiled then thanked me who deeply understood her feelings.

"i'm sorry my dear has traumatized you so much" I said

"No dear, don't talk like that. I have forgiven you for a long time. Besides, I know it's all you did by accident. I just need some more time to get used to it" he said

I'm silent not saying. In my heart I really want to go back to repeating time. Time where it was just me and Chaira. That night we spent the night like two people who didn't know each other. We slept against our backs. We were just as busy muffling our feelings. There is a burning longing but there is also doubt there.

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My mom let me buy a new house. Not big but Chaira likes it. Mama understood why we decided to move. Today we moved into a new house Chaira had chosen. The house is not too far from my office. Chaira considered that I would soon return to the office and my trauma of driving a car. Therefore he chose a house that I could reach easily. Papa offered me a driver, but I refused. I'd rather take a taxi for a while.

I noticed Chaira who excitedly arranged some of the furniture we brought from the old house. I was happy to see him smile as I passed him.

"don't be tired darling" I said seeing her busy.

"yes dear" he said with a smile

Almost the whole day we rearranged the home decor. Finished cleaning our house both equally tired. There are no domestic assistants here. Chaira remains just like my old chair. Who still wants to serve her own husband without the help of an assistant.

I walked up to him who was opening his hijab. It seems that he feels sultry after a long time of activity. I hugged him from behind and I kissed him on the nape. I miss him so much. Chaira was silent for a moment letting me do it.

"i'll take a shower first" she said

I took off my arms and nodded. Chaira soon passed by leaving me and went into the bathroom. I looked at him blankly.

"Could he have purposely avoided me? Could it be that she didn't want this dirty me to touch her again??? Do I deserve to touch her??, "many questions in my heart

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In the bathroom

"I'm sorry, Lord, why is it so hard and hard for me to take it back without remembering all the wounds, I don't want to be an ungodly wife,,, I do not want You to be angry with me, but I am powerless to bear the wounds of my heart. O Rabb, give your servant the strength to receive it again with sincerity" he said

Some tears re-wetted his face that was already wet.

"Take care of me, Lord, take away all my wounds and be disappointed." Chaira closed her prayer.

Chaira started her bath, wetting her hair and body. And after finishing the bath immediately wrapped his body and head with a towel.

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Seeing my wife come out with just a towel, my lust for maleness broke out. I approached her who was sitting in front of the dressing table and dried her hair with a hairdryer. I looked at his face from the mirror. Chaira who regained her senses and caught my eyes smiled.

"what's up, honey? why stand so?" chaira asked stopping the sound from her hair dryer.

"you are beautiful, my dear" I said

"Thank you for your compliment. But I've forgotten I don't know how many thousands of times you've said it" Chaira tried to melt the atmosphere.

I smiled wryly.

"But I never forget how many times I've hurt you" my inner self

Chaira again combed her half-dry long hair. I stepped closer to him. I touched both his shoulders. I ventured to get rid of the hair covering the back of her body and kissed her nape. Chaira squirms holding back amusedly.

I don't know why I hesitated to continue. I let go of my hand and walked towards the window. I feel so unworthy and have no right to touch her again. I really can't.

I felt Chaira's fingers on my shoulder. My body slowly turned back to face him.

"why darling?" soft tananya

"I'm sorry baby, I can't. I feel despicable in front of you" I softly looked down.

Chaira hugged me warmly.

"i'm still your legal wife, baby. Do what is your duty. Throw away your doubts." whispered

I let go of her embrace and I looked into her shady eyes. He had not felt the warmth from me for a long time. I haven't given him a living in the mind for a long time.

I looked at Chaira who started to close her eyes as if she was giving herself up to me. I kissed her soft forehead. I kissed both of her eyelids.

"i love you baby" I whispered

"i love you too, dear" he replied

I pull the towel that wrapped his body and I throw it carelessly. There is no doubt in my heart. I don't want to add to the mistake of not giving what's rightfully his. I fulfilled my duty that night. I threw all my feelings at him. I planted the seed of my love in her womb and hoped that God would soon blow my life into my wife's womb.

Chaira provides the best service. He let me fill the empty space in his body. Warms himself back.

"Well, he is my priest. I have an obligation to serve him. He's just lost and I have to lead him back." Inner Chaira

We closed the night with a friendly kiss. I took Chaira in my arms and I didn't let go until morning. I'll bring myself to open a new leaf with me.

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