THE ANGEL I HURT

Dare not say it

The three of us left the restaurant and headed for Febby's apartment. Little Mike never once took his hand off me. It seems he does not want to be separated from the daddy he has missed so far. Even when he was in the car he was faithfully sitting on my lap.

Although I still feel awkward with this condition but I can not bear to refuse or ask him to sit alone. Along the way Mike kept asking a lot of questions be it about me or whatever he saw on the road we were on. I'm Febby's lyricist who keeps smiling to himself. It seems he was happy to see our son Mike had found his daddy.

"My plan went well. Mike found his daddy. At least someone he could call so" Febby's inner self looked at the two figures enjoying his closeness

Arriving at the guard's apartment glared at me coming back.

"Ppppppak Darren, can anyone help you again?" tanya was nervous

I immediately gave him a signal to be quiet. Good thing Febby who went straight to the elevator door did not hear him greet me. If until Febby heard then Febby would be suspicious. Febby thinks we met by accident.

"Never say hello to me again if you see me. Just treat me like another guest. Tell all the employees here to keep it a secret that I'm the owner of this apartment from Ms. Febby. Understood?" I confirmed and warned the guard. I immediately caught up with Febby as soon as he saw her nod a sign of understanding.

We entered the elevator that led us to Febby's room.

"Come in Dare," Febby.

"Why do you keep calling dad like that mom?? You should call him daddy as well" Mike protested

We looked at it for a moment.

"Oh yeah, Why not?? Can I,,, Daddy???" ask Febby to look at me

"Yyyyess, why not?" I stammered

I took a deep breath as Febby let me sit down. Mike soon passed changing into a house outfit. Febby made me a drink.

"So you will stay with us dad??" Mike came back and sat on my lap with his hand around my neck.

I feel suffocated by that question.

" Eeeehhhh,, uuuhhmmm, "I didn't get the right answer

" No Mike, daddy can't stay with us tonight. Daddy has a lot af work to do. But daddy will stay with us soon, Am I right dad??" Said the febby who came with a drink and immediately looked at me asking for an answer.

I was struck by that question. How can I just say that because I can't stay here. I need to think about it more carefully first. Arriving to accept Mike who claimed Febby as my son was enough to make me dizzy especially if coupled with having to live with them.

No, no, can't,,,, no,,,

" Daddy, you're not answering yet" Mike rattled me from my daydream

"Of course Mike,, after dad done with all my job" I immediately hugged him.

"Yaaaaayyyy" Mike who was so happy to hear my answer immediately stood up and jumped on the sofa. I immediately asked him to come down for fear that he might fall. Mike complies and immediately settles down on the sofa. His head was placed on my thigh.

"Dad, can I sleep. I am so tired" he asked

I nodded and started to caress his head. Mike closed his eyes and it didn't take him long to fall asleep. I immediately moved her little body to the bed.

"Febby, we need to talk!" I said to Febby who was sitting waiting for me on the balcony

"Yes Dare, what do you want to talk about?" tannya

" You can't talk to Mike that way. You know I can't stay here. You know there's a Chaira in my life, too. I can't be that easy to,,,, "Febby put her index finger on my lips

" I told you that you'll stay with us when all your work is done. Of course the job I'm talking about is your job telling your wife. You can ask her to accept us or choose to leave you alone if she can't accept us

"Soooo???? what are you gonna do?? You want to dump us again after all these years we've been through without your responsibility?? You want to hurt your son Mike by leaving us again??? Wicked you Dare, you only think of yourself and your wife. You don't think about us at all!!! Was it still not enough all this time that I relented by choosing to leave you??? Imagine what happens to your household if I don't give up!!!! I've sacrificed a lot Dare, now it's your turn to show how much responsibility you have to us!!!!" ketus Febby's

I'm woken. I'm speechless. I can't answer it. Febby's words were so sharp and pierced me. All his words make sense. I'm bad if I dump him again. I'd be bad to let Mike down again. I'm bad if I don't show my responsibility.

But,,,,, it's,,,,

I'm also evil to pass all this on to Chaira. I would have hurt her so much more if she had to accept the fact that her husband had marred us not only with Rosa but also with Febby. Regardless of his wish for me to remarry but certainly not the part of my past that I kept close to him all this time.

My head's dizzy. I can no longer think. I went and headed for the exit. I paused for a moment and turned towards where Febby was still standing looking at me.

"I'll find the best solution for this. I want you to be patient. And Mike, I will try every day to see him" I said

Febby nodded then grabbed my face. Gently pecked my lips.

"Thanks Dare" he whispered

I who was still unconscious could only nod and come out immediately. I didn't care about the guard who nodded respectfully when I saw me get out of the elevator. I immediately got into the car and asked the driver to take me to the pulanv immediately. I don't know why I miss Chaira so much today. These few days I pretended not to miss him by constantly ignoring him.

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"You've come home, baby, why don't you say hello first? " Caira admonished me gently

"Assynogaic"

"Waalaikumsalam dear, would you like to go straight to dinner or take a shower first? " he asked a little happy because I returned to say hello to him after all this time did not do it even though every day he reminded it.

"I ate outside" I replied

"Well then" Chaira's voice sounded disappointed because I had never eaten outside without her.

"Then I make coffee first" he said

"No Chai, just here. Just accompany me." I said without any shame or anything asking him to serve me.

Why should I be ashamed too?? I feel like I'm still her legal husband that she's obligated to serve, right??? Regardless of what kind of attitude I have towards her this late. It was all due to his own words, right???

I fulfilled my desire for a long time. I enjoyed our intimacy. I don't care how many times Chaira shuffles to hold back her favor. An hour more I spurred my body finally I poured all of mine back into my wife's womb.

I immediately drooped beside his body. My eyes wanted to shut but my mind suddenly drifted back to Mike and Febby. I have to tell Chaira anyway. I saw the closed Chaira. He seems so tired of serving me tonight. I touched her cheeks.His eyes were open looking at me. How those eyes I still admire.

"Do you want it again, baby?" tannya

"No, I just want to talk, "I don't go on

"Ahh come on, forget it. Go sleep. You look tired." I said as I turned to his back.

Chaira silence. In his heart he begged God's forgiveness for me which he could no longer guess. Slowly she tilted her body behind me. Back tonight we fought each other back through the rest of the night.

"I'm sorry, Chai, I don't have enough courage to tell you everything" I thought

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