Sense of Sense

Between Life and Death

“Udah sure, Mom. The thing that will fight in there is my own wife.” Ashqar raised his face, staring at the delivery room door in front of him with mixed feelings. “Even when Rahma gave birth, I was also tense. Especially this time.”

“Sometimes moms like to forget that you're not a kid anymore.” Harti followed Ashqar's point of view. “When Zain was born, in the eyes of the mother, you were nothing more than an immature teenager and were not ready to accept big responsibilities. I feel guilty because at that time I could not be a good parent for you.”

Ashqar's breathing sounds heavy. While exhaling it slowly, he lifted his face, staring at the clean white ceiling of the hospital with more than one long fluorescent light. It may be enough to light up one house that is holding a wedding.

“Now after being a parent and having a harmonious relationship with Sapphira, I have come to understand your feelings a little. It was definitely not easy for Father and Mother to accept my big mistake, but getting Zain as my son was a joy.”

That guilt has always been Ashqar's loyal friend. Deep in his heart, he wished he could turn back the clock and avoid the deed that had left his parents disappointed. But that desire was long gone from him.

Ashqar does not know for sure, but it seems that since he married Sapphira and fell in his wife's charm, Ashqar no longer lives in the shadows of the past. It is not the past that makes him learn, but the present, by meeting the right people, that makes Ashqar mature.

“But now mom is very proud.” Harti turned his head right when Ashqar was also doing the same. “You are much more mature and responsible. If your Father is still there, he will also be as proud as mother,” said Harti, along with the name Ashqar who was called.

Both of them turned to a nurse who had a nose in front of the delivery door and Ashqar immediately approached him.

“What are the sisters?”

“Father can go to the dressing room now to change clothes and then afterwards can accompany Ms. Safira inside,” said the nurse then walked ahead of Ashqar.

Ashqar turned his head briefly towards Harti before tailing the nurse. Bismillah, so did Ashqar from the motion of his mother's lips.

He realized his heart was getting crazier after he finished changing clothes and the nurse asked him to come inside the delivery room. This is what Ashqar has been worried about since. Witnessing for himself how Safira struggled between life and death while he could do nothing to help his wife left Ashqar feeling frustrated.

Accompanying his wife is not the first thing for him, but witnessing the birth process itself normally is the first time for Ashqar. Zain was born prematurely and Nita was too afraid to give birth normally, while Ashqar was an amateur. Even though it is now so.

Ashqar grabbed Safira's hand outstretched towards him, so frail with the infuse needle embedded in the palm and feeling cold as Ashqar grasped it.

“Both-good. Mas please help me, yes?”

The heat stung the eyes, while the mute attacked all over Ashqar's facial muscles. Sapphira's appearance looks so calm even though the sweat continues to pour and occasionally close the eyes slapping Ashqar appropriately.

Forcing against helplessness, Ashqar forced his voice to sound calm. “Iya, I'm with you. The strong, yes?”

Ashqar was unsure if those words were the right words. However, once the doctors said that Safira's opening was complete and they could immediately start labor, there was nothing Ashqar could do but continue to be by his wife's side and encourage her.

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I'm not sure if this is enough to describe a bit of the process

Please forgive me for being a layman and still having to learn to string words. But what is clearly waiting for the other person can not be explained how tense, even though the waiting is also outside. But right with the sound of a baby crying euphoria ngalahin goals from the favorite soccer team 🤣

Maybe the experienced, who already have a tail can tell a little in the comments column. Itung-itung nambah reference nulis 😅