Not Just a Shadow

Chapter 66

On the way home, Ferdian thought about the words of Mother Hira. He kept thinking, who had delivered Hira after returning from the Hotel.

“Car voice, car voice.” That word is always Ferdian repeated, guessing who drove Hira.

“Sorry Deck, if I'm selfish. I still don't realize that I created this situation, I'm sorry if I still think that's not my right anymore. I also feel the pain of having this taste.” Ferdian is self-sufficient, jealousy overpowers his heart. Making every time he felt upset made other riders amazed by the sound of the horn because of his actions. His hands would not stand still, always hitting the horn violently.

Throughout the journey Ferdian always thought about Hira's words, his words were true but painful for Ferdian.

“So easy it's a pity you said that, my own inner need but when you said that. It felt like my chest was pierced by a knife. Is there no desire of yours to have me, as easy as you say as if I never lay in your heart.”

“Aware Fer, did you forget you yourself who first made the decision to hurt him without appreciating his presence during this time. May have humanity, but where is your heart for the woman who has spent years in your heart. You also easily make the decision to protect the lives of others without thinking about your lover!” Ferdian smacked his forehead, gunned himself to scold himself.

Without Ferdian noticing his tears flowing, regretting something that was no longer useful for him to regret. Things that have happened cannot be changed again.

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Ferdian's car enters the gate of Rinna's house, a stopover now in his habitation. When I got to town A, it was dark. The journey is so crowded, the war with his heart and mind makes it slow in driving a car. Not according to the initial plan, the driver who accompanied him on the way to leave he told to return first.

Ferdian entered the room, the room looked empty without any trace of occupants. But Ferdian paid no heed to it at all.

Because she had become accustomed to solitude, during her nearly one-month marriage she still had not felt Rinna's presence to be the opium she had to find.

“Home home?” that was all Rinna asked when she suddenly appeared from inside the bathroom, making Ferdian who was on the walk in closet surprised. Still bare-chested and wearing shorts. There was no sound in the bathroom.

“Hemm.” Ferdian replied briefly, thinking to him that Rinna's departure yesterday-yesterday was to meet Hira, telling her about something she expected more than her promise.

Rinna ventured to be in front of Ferdian without distance looking at Ferdian's muscular chest. Ferdian looked at him full of probing, without saying anything.

“Yesterday Mas Fer stopped by Mbak Hira?” rinna asked as if he was tired of wanting to vent the contents of his mind that kept wondering, he could not save anymore.

“Aren't you the one who suggested and willing myself if I can still continue my relationship with Hira?” Rinna bowed and stroked Ferdian's chest with one index finger, whether consciously or not Rinna stretched her index finger around Ferdian's chest only to make Ferdian interpret if Rinna was teasing him.

“Have you forgotten what you said yourself? Has your selfishness taken hold of you? want to swallow your saliva back?”

“I still remember Mas. And I still remember what Mas answered back then. Even your gaze I also still remember clearly.” Ferdian mangosteen with napa said Rinna.

“Have Mbak Hira changed his mind?” Rinna spoke unconsciously.

“Change mind? What did I ask him and what did I tell you that made him change his mind?” as if swallowing a needle, Ferdian's words were slightly hardened making Rinna's eyes reddened, holding back an unconscious cry with what was said to indicate that she had met Hira secretly.

“Oh... this... (Ferdian kissed the rough white neck of Rinna that was clearly plastered, his body was only covered by the winding of this towel)… (Ferdian kisses rough to leave a red trace on Rinna's chest )” Rinna's tears flow, feeling Ferdian's treatment that incites him by force.

Rinna turned her body one step back and Ferdian pulled her up to smash her chest violently, kissed Rinna's lips violently, deepened her kiss, and deepened. Bringing Rinna on the bed, spread her hand over Rinna's body. When the towel covering Rinna's body opened, Ferdian stopped his action. Rinna's eyes were already swollen and reddened, crying silently feeling every touch of Ferdian's hand that felt without sincerity.

Ferdian scratched his head with both hands violently, venting his frustration. She flung the blanket over Rinna's body without seeing it.

“I know Mas, I was wrong. But it's not like this I mean, I just want you to open your heart to our marriage.”

“He advised me to do my duty, to give you your right. Is that what you asked of her? No one knows what happens in our household if you don't say!”

“Is that the wise thing of a woman who allows me to still be in contact with Hira? You've flown a black flag in front of him. Giving a death sign to my feelings for her.”

“You should behave indifferently if I don't touch you one bit. Even if you expect it, you are not talking to someone who controls my heart and mind. Is this how you want me? By inflicting my hate?” Rinna just kept quiet without a fight.

Six months later, though,

After the incident that afternoon, Ferdian still had not touched Rinna. There is still no first night in their marriage that has been running for more than half a year. Ferdian never contacted Hira.

Hira has finished his studies, got the title behind his name. The days that Hira spent after last meeting Ferdian focused on work and work. Since there was no answer and seeing Hira's focus on working for Febrian move away from company A, he promoted Hira as Division head and Febrian had already turned to the family company managing his Papa company.

Many changes occurred after Hira convinced her heart to look to the future. Wave two of revamps Ryco can be promoted, now occupying as general manager. The one that was previously sat by Mr. Ryan. Before Ryco took office, Mr. Ryan had moved out of town.

Although Ferdian is still a shareholder in Company A, he has never met Hira again from a meeting half a year ago. Ferdian was busy with his office affairs, since Pak Agum died he occupied the position of Pak Agum. Although not yet entitled, Rinna is not afraid at all to give up the position of ownership of the company to her husband. Because he knew that Ferdian was not a greedy man by treasure. Although she has not been treated as a wife, she realizes that this is her promise.

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Everyone goes about their days by continuing to maintain an awareness in the heart of what position they are in right now.

Although the moon always changes, the years pass. Hira has not opened her heart to a man, she is now busy with her work now. The last promise he made to Ferdian is still remembered today. Longs still exist, but always he tepis with the word ‘ikhlaskan him to be happy even if not with you’ that's what he always said to himself if something woke up his memories with Ferdian.

Likewise with Ferdian, as busy as any how much effort to try to do his duty to his wife. He was always remembered by Hira, his affection for Hira. It was hard to give his wife the right. Only a kiss on the forehead could Ferdian give his wife. Rinna never complained at all, she judged Ferdian's treatment was better than not at all considered his existence.

Without Ferdian realizing it, his busyness left him not knowing what reason made Rinna suddenly retreat from office affairs. And why Rinna often goes out of the house without her knowing where Rinna's destination is for each pass.

A month later after Rinna who permission to go but not return home when it was late at night. Ferdian called Rinna, long time no lift. Ferdian called Rinna's personal driver.

“Hallo, Mas Mul.”

“Iya, Sir.”

“You're Together with Madam right?” lama Mulyono did not give an answer.

“Where is it, not usually until this late right?”

“They are no longer strong Mr.”

“What do you mean?”

“Mrs inpatient at Rs, Mr.” Ferdian who was still wearing his office clothes without taking a shower immediately took his suit to immediately drive to their family's Rs.

On the way, Ferdian kept thinking. How patient Rinna had been waiting for her heart to open.

“Yes Allah forgive the servant who has been unjust to my wife, how selfish I am O Allah. Just attach importance to my feelings. Yes Allah protect my wife.” Ferdian is gunny, keeps saying do’a.

Arriving at the hospital Ferdian parked his car carelessly, until security approached him. And he ran to throw his car keys at one of the security who approached him.

“How is it?” ask Ferdian to Mas Mulyono, Rinna's personal driver.

“Mrs is in critical condition, Mr.”

“What do you mean?”

“The body of the mistress is no longer strong to survive, there are too many drugs that have been consumed. Her body was no longer able to respond to the effects of the drug.”

“Why is something this big no one told me?”

“All this at the request of Madam, Sir. We just follow what he ordered.” Ferdian let out a breath of disappointment, and a slight yell let out his annoyance.

Ferdian entered the room, where Rinna lay full of attached wires. The sound of a heart monitor was clearly heard in the room that Ferdian was in right now. The breathing apparatus that was blown by Rinna's breath, making Ferdian shed tears.

“How blind my heart is, until I don't know my wife's condition. How I will answer to you, O God. For the marriage I have been living this.” Ferdian's sigh held onto Rinna's limp, powerless hand, his eyes still tightly closed.

Ferdian stroked Rinna's cheeks gently, eyes that were now still closed giving off a droplet of water.

“I'm sorry, sorry.” Ferdian said wiping away Rinna's flowing tears.

Rinna opened her chest slowly, her hands still limp open the oxygen covering her mouth.

“It's my time to completely disappear from your life Mas, not to prevent you from being together with Mbak Hira again. Sorry I ruined your happiness.” Rinna said softly, making Ferdian not strong to breathe, sobbing at the word that would probably be the last word he heard.

Next episode yes,