Not Just a Shadow

Chapter 40

After bathing and praying together, Mas Ferdian reunited his back with the bed, shortly after I lyrically he was a little dumbfounded looking at the ceiling of the room I don't know what he thought “Dek, here…. “ Mas Ferdian patted his arm asking me to sleep next to him using his arm as a cushion. I just looked at him, not moving.

“Only sleep, no more.” He said he looked at me as if he knew what I was worried about. I approached, putting my head on the leg. My head feels like it's resting on a big muscle. We both stared at the ceiling of the room talking without looking at each other.

“Dek, tomorrow we go home together huh? Car with Mas, later Mas will tell Febrian.” After hearing what Mas Ferdian said, I just thought about it.

I didn't even think about how I got home. I just stared at him from the side. Seeing his nose, looking at his face even though from the side made me feel peaceful.

“Kok silent?” Mas Ferdian turned his head towards me, looking at me who saw every curve on his face. We were carried away in our eyes.

“Are you not impressed bad?” I answered after snaking in his sight.

“I don't think Ryan will be quiet. Don't know if his noisy heart is gunny everywhere”

“Okay my priest, I will obey whatever my priest suggests.”

“Serious?” Ferdian began to draw his face closer to mine. I rewinded my body that was close to his body without the slightest distance.

“Hehehe,” I chuckled with the speed of my movements making him wrinkle his eyebrows.

“Sigap once” response.

“Until when will we be like this? (I glanced at the hand of Mas Ferdian which I still use for sleeping pads) Is Mas not tired later, sleep overnight and tomorrow must drive long distance.”

“Mas, did Mas Dika not complain with Mas who always gave her work, but Mas even fun together with me?”

“Soal complain of course yes, he was chatty more than Emak-emak.”

“But Mas has always been loyal to him, Ana alone like jealous when telling about the togetherness of Mas and Mas Dika who are like stamps is the same envelope.”

“Only with him can I share the Deck, but now there is you. Although she always complained about the job she suddenly had to handle when I was struggling to pursue my love, but she was happy. He was the first to know how restless my heart was when we first met him, and he always motivated me to meet you soon.”

“I never thought Mas, we could be together like this. I also never imagined we could lie in the same place and paint happy days.” Mas Ferdian tilted his body facing me stroking my head with his right hand.

“I also did not expect Dek, I could find an angel as beautiful as this. I used to think ‘maybe after my story and Emma is over, I will myself never be in love again’ sorry I mentioned his name in front of you.” I just shook my head as if to answer “It's okay" Mas Ferdian stroked my cheek gently.

“Mas, I think every woman does not want her partner to mention even remembering her ex. But really I'm okay, I think maybe my pain is nothing with your pain when you say his name. Ikhlaskan Mas, do’a right him to immediately get happiness but not with you.”

“I emphasize the word ‘but not with you’ because I know Mas, he is still expecting you. I am afraid when I do’ you in the law of God, and his happiness is with you. I'm afraid that I will lose my happiness.” My mind was still fixedly staring at him, making my tears well up. Ferdian rubbed the edge of my eyes that would drop tears.

“Never hold back your pain, I just want to see your smile that always rises in your face like the sun that always gives light to this world.” Mas Ferdian's words make me sing my lips.

“What is this?” Mas Ferdian rubbed my sweet lips with his index finger pressing down on him making me close my lips inside.

“Mas serious, babe. Mas just wants to get through Mas days with you happily.”

“Did anyone bother you all this time or anything from the people around Mas?”

“I remember, indeed Mas know, who sent Mas Fotoku with…. Until make Mas immediately rush here?”

“Mas don't know, don't need to be discussed.”

“But, in retrospect there remains a separate motive and behind the action there is an intention that is not simple Mas.”

“Indeed yes, but let it be Mas's business, you don't need to be dizzy thinking about this.” I just nod. But my mind has wandered everywhere.

“I will not be dizzy Mas, if only I always hit the fire of Emma, but you can also be terrorized. How could I not think of anything? I don't know who it is, he definitely wants us to part ways by destroying the trust between us. Is not a relationship based on trust especially between us, which is a place and busyness. If the pole of a building is torn down what about the building?” my heart is twitching. Mas Ferdian still looked at my face and wiped away my tears that slid without me commanding.

“Tu right.. Just say it, don't you save yourself. Ni... (Mas Ferdian's thumb is still at the end of the corner of my eye) do not let this dam is not strong to hold. Okay?” Ferdian was waiting for my answer, as if my answer was my promise to him.

“Hmm?” Ferdian is still waiting for me.

“How should I take out all the junk that is on my mind or my heart, Mom? What bothers me is the people around you, should I make you fight with your past again? Or the person who wants you in the future?” I struggled with my thoughts as Mas Ferdian waited for my answer, in the end I just nodded my head.

“Punish me O Allah if my answer is a promise according to him, but my answer is not my promise to him. I just want to make her heart calm.” My mind when I nod my head.

I'm the one who won't let go

“Mas Ferdian suddenly sang, only the first lyrics I had goosebumps made” I was still silent listening to him.

We can't be separated

“I also hope like that Mas, we will continue together. We're gonna get married, raise our son, give him everything I've never felt. Don't be like me, try yourself to meet what I need.” I held back my tears listening to the lyrics he was singing. Still observing whose song this was.

Let it happen, no matter what.

“I will let everything Mas, I will not ignore all the things that disturb our relationship” my heart can not be silent to hear the lyrics of the song.

I'm the one who can't let go

You have my heart.

Maybe too soon though

For both of us to say…

We will be together forever

There will be no doubt

Now and then believe me….

I was not strong enough to stem the rumble in my heart, the song verse made me swish plus feel the grip of Mas Ferdian's hand that was so tightly convinced the song's verse was an expression of his heart.

“I believe in you Mas,” my inner self.

There are always the right song lyrics between us, adding so many romantic moments to my love story. Ferdian rubbed my tears that did not stop flowing from earlier.

“Honey, why even add flooding, Mas sad voice huh?” I just shook my head to answer his question.

“I'm moved Mas, love you.” I said make Mas Ferdian land his lips on my forehead. Hugging me was full of warmth.

“Mas, already.” I try to give a limit so as not to forget the position that has been supported once.

“Hmm, Mas know.”

Dret..dret...the sound of vibrating mobile phone Mas Ferdian, on the table close to the bed we are lying on.

“Who Mas?” manya curious.

“Emm, Grandpa. It's twelve o'clock, Dek. (I gawked to hear Mas Ferdian mention the current hour ) I opened Ana's message first, there is indeed this child night-night gini kok chat Mas.” I just shrugged my shoulders that were still comfortably asleep in bed.

“Tak feels yes Mas, it's twelve o'clock. What about tomorrow, you have to drive?”

“It's okay baby. No need to worry. Though not much we discussed, there are still many things that we have not talked about why the time is so fast, Dek?”

“Iya, (my mind switches curious with Ana who night-night chat ) what is the content of Ana's message, Mas?’

“Call by-by. But let it be, we go shopping at the mall what ask for souvenirs. Or should we bring tea tree?”

“Sutt, Yes! Can't be that.”

“Let me just hold back. He likes the raw ones the most. It must be Dika who said it. I just left yesterday, absolutely no part with him.”

“Mas kok that anyway, not only with Ana Mas stay at home kok can not say goodbye!”

“Mas rush. He will also look for Mas when there is just need!”

“Can't do that Mas, He loves the same Mas you know.”

“Iya Mas Tofu. He's easy business, lately.” I was just speechless hearing Mas Ferdian's words which clearly seemed to be able to resolve his brother's whimpering, without any problems.

Seriate,

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